DP’s 40th night out

[Headismush789]

My DP has been saying he didn’t want to do anything for his 40th like a party or night out, so I’ve arranged a night away and a night out staying with his best mate. We’ve arrange childcare for both with parents.

He said a week ago that he’d like to go and watch the match on night later in December and also make that some 40th bday pints with his mates. No problem at all.

Today, he mentions in passing that his friend was asking what he was doing for his 40th, so he’s going to make that a night out in which he’ll be inviting everyone he knows including their gf’s and his friends who are girls.

We don’t have childcare for that night, so he didn’t seem bothered that I wouldn’t be able to go. I expressed how gutted I was that he was having what was now a big night out for his 40th with everyone he knows and I couldn’t go. He got very defensive and said well what do you want me to do, you’re putting stress on me and making this stressful. There’s nothing we can do about childcare and it’s not a big deal.

Im really hurt by this, as I won’t be at his 40th bday night out with everyone and he doesn’t really seem too bothered. AIBU?

You're not unreasonable at all.

That's really poor of him.

I'd go all out to find child care. Nursery staff? Friends, family?

I'd let him go and lock him out. Selfish to the extreme

He's just shown you where you appear in the pecking order there..

Yanbu. It's a normal expectation that people celebrate with their loved ones. Of course it's hurtful that he doesn't actually seem bothered if you're there for a special occasion or not.

That's the first thing. But the second thing is that you tell him how you feel about something and instead of actually listening and taking it on board, he makes it all about him 'making him stressed'.

The first thing might have been thoughtless but the second is very self centred

Tell him you’ve planned to go out that night so he’ll need to arrange childcare if he’s going out too.

Selfish git.