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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DD on a booster seat yet?

26 replies

BibiThree · 12/03/2008 09:52

MIL is insisting that if she gets a narrow booster cushion, she can fit all 3 children in the back of her car - dts (8m) and dd (3).

DD is just the right weight to go on a booster cushion, but imo she is just too small. We've told her we've not comfortable with that, and at the moment she's in a high-backed booster which imo gives her more support and protection. MIL is still insisting that it would be okay "for short journeys", even though she knows full well through experience accidents can happen on short journeys. She had such an accident on a short journey that has resulted in her having to give up work.

I am aware that relations between me and MIL can be strained so I may not be being entirely objective about this, so who do you think is being unreasonable?
Go on, be honest, I can take it .... I think

OP posts:

marmadukescarlet · 12/03/2008 09:55

Sorry but imho a 3 yr old should still be in a 5 point harness, not an adult seat belt with a high backed booster.

Although a high backed booster is better than just a booster seat.

guidance here

flowerybeanbag · 12/03/2008 09:57

I was going to say at 3 wouldn't she still be in a car seat?

Can MIL take children out in your car?

LIZS · 12/03/2008 09:58

Point out that most road accidents happen within a short radius of home, ie on "short journeys". Middle of back is the safest position, with a 3 point belt, but at that age a proper seat , preferably with harness , is still best safetywise. Does she need to take all 3 regularly ?

Cappuccino · 12/03/2008 09:59

my mum has bought a high back booster for my 3 yr old

tbh the seat she had before was such a death trap I would rather see the back of it

if she can't get all 3 in the back is one in the front?

because to me that would be more of a problem- far more chance of a child being injured in the front seat of a car. I'd rather have them in the back in a booster imho

Original poster

BibiThree · 12/03/2008 10:03

DD IS still in a 5 point harness, sorry should have been more specific. Her seat can be, but hasn't yet been, converted to use an adult seatbelt. It's one of the ones that goes from a 5 point harness to hig backed booster with adult belt, then later on you can remove the back to just leave a booster cushion.

She doesn't have all 3 at the moment, but when I go back to work in July, she'll ahve the dts 1 or 2 days a week and will have to pick dd up from school on those days too.

OP posts:

marmadukescarlet · 12/03/2008 10:04

I apologise BT, I was assuming it did not.

bozza · 12/03/2008 10:05

So what do you want? DD to go in the front? MIL to not use the car when she has all three?

Original poster

BibiThree · 12/03/2008 10:07

I want MIL to firstly accept what we think is safe for dd, and I've offered her the use of our car on the days she has all 3. She's not really keen on that - early morning car change-overs etc. and I don't think she's keen on me driving her car tbh.

OP posts:

bozza · 12/03/2008 10:10

Well can she not just take the twins out in the car in the daytime but do the school runs on foot? Otherwise it might end up being a case of re-assessing your childcare.

Original poster

BibiThree · 12/03/2008 10:12

She's too far from the school (10+ miles) to do it on foot - she lives on a farm, quite rural so miles of lanes before you get to civilisation!

I've never expected her to have all 3 children tbh, but she's insisting she can do it, even though having the twins for a couple of hours has her ringing me asking me when i'm back, am I on my way etc. and her constantly "joking" she can't manage both of them, they'll have to go to her one at a time.

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bozza · 12/03/2008 10:19

So do you think she is up to the job? Does sound quite hard work! Just thought that your DD is only 3 so presumably only at nursery half days. I was thinking of her being at school 9-3.30. How many days a week is the arrangement for?

Original poster

BibiThree · 12/03/2008 10:26

DD is in full time nursery (in a primary school setting) 9-3, 5 days a week. I am hoping to go back to work 3 days a week, MIL says she can manage the dts for 2 days (I was planing on putting them in creche) but I don't think it's going to work out.

I'd rather her be realistic and straight with us and herself about what she can do re childcare but she's quite insistent 2 days will be fine

This happened with dd, she was initially having her full time for me to go back to work (at her suggestion, not ours), which turned into 3 days, then 1 day and two afternoons - and an increasing creche bill for us. I'd rather know where I stand re finances now, and if it's not feasible then I'd take a career break.

Gosh, this is turning into a bit of a rant!

OP posts:

bozza · 12/03/2008 10:28

Funny how it moves on from car seats to career plans. TBH if your MIL struggled with just DD it doesn't seem all that realistic that she could manage twins all day and your DD before/after school, does it?

bozza · 12/03/2008 10:29

And the car seat thing makes it sound like she is just burying her head in the sand about how she is going to manage.

Original poster

BibiThree · 12/03/2008 10:30

It's all so unlikely to work out and it's a booster seat that's brought it all to the fore.

OP posts:

Original poster

BibiThree · 12/03/2008 10:35

I think she wants to help out in order to tell people how much she's helping out iykwim. Desperate to show she's coping but won't be able to.

The twins do play up for her (and most people tbh) because they aren't used to her and are quite attached to me at the moment, so don't feed or sleep well for anyone else, so I fully understand when she has them for me at the moment it's hard, so dh suggested she has them regularly for us one day a week until I go back to work so they get used to being with her and she gets a feel for it and their routines/ways. She said no. Then made it into a bit of a joke about how she's going to enjoy her "free" time while she's got it. She somehow thinks they will magically become easier once they turn 1 and start walking and that 1 year olds won't cry for her or demand attention.

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SpongebobComfypants · 12/03/2008 10:43

They will become harder to look after once they start walking! IMHO I think you'd be well advised to make alternative arrangements as this looks like it has the potential to go wrong on a big scale - and you don't want to have to sort out new arrangements when you're actually back at work.

Original poster

BibiThree · 12/03/2008 10:46

On the back of this thread, I'm going to ring dd's old creche and ask them for fees and start doing some maths!

OP posts:

Hulababy · 12/03/2008 11:01

I wouldn't take a 3yo out without a high back booster seat at least. Booster cushion alone isn't advised until 6yo. My nearly 6yo is remaining in hers with a back for a long time yet.

Reamhar · 12/03/2008 12:35

Ah MILs, got to love them, even though they can drive you nuts. YANBU they are your children, so it's your choice what kind of car seat they travel.

bozza · 13/03/2008 20:54

DS has just come out of his high back booster aged 7 in my car, but is still in it in DH's car.

Have you had any news from the creche? Any more discussions with MIL re the car seat situation?

ladette · 13/03/2008 21:40

My DS was small for his age and still in proper car seat until he started school. Your MIL is likely from the from an era when kids weren't strapped in at all, let alone in car seats, so perhaps she thinks she is being reasonable. However, far more children were injured in accidents then. Your children, your choice, YANBU.

TheFallenMadonna · 13/03/2008 21:43

My dd had to be out of a 5 point harness at 3, because she was too heavy. But she is still in a high back booster, and so is ds (6).

Califrau · 13/03/2008 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BibiThree · 13/03/2008 21:48

I'm seeing MIL tomorrow, so will probably discuss then (urgh). I wish DH would take these things on, all MIL sees is that bit on her booster cushion that says "suitable from 15kgs" - and took it upon herself to weigh dd and inform us she was heavy enough - which imo doesn't figure if I don't want her perched on a bit of plastic and held in place with an adult seatbelt.

I feel so bl**dy unreasonable, but I just can't shake the feeling of dd is just TOO SMALL. She may weigh enough but she's a small kid (with heavy bones I think!), it's not like she's bursting out of her other seat, from from it. I think it boild down too, a boost cushion is easier for MIL as she doesn't have to heave it in and out of the house, she can just lob it in the boot when not in use.

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