Boyfriends sister

[aibuseriously]

My boyfriends older sister has a best friend , they are extremely close. Me and bf sisters friend had a major falling out (2 weeks ago) because she was talking about me behind my back and I confronted her, she won’t speak to me I won’t speak to her and that’s okay I don’t care.

however, boyfriends sister will also not speak to me since the falling out. She will literally not break breath to me and I’ve seen her plenty of times in the past 2 weeks. To be honest it’s absolutely winding me up.

what’s winding me up even more is there’s been a few times where I’ve walked into the living room or kitchen and she’s been holding my baby and will still not speak to me. (She still lives at home with bfs mum, hence the frequent visits)

to be honest I’m at boiling point, I can’t take the silence anymore. I didn’t do anything to her! And the situation was absolutely nothing to do with her.

to hold my baby and not acknowledge me?

should I just ignore the whole thing and move on or do what I feel like doing and exploding , I feel so so angry as the days go on and the more she won’t speak. I see her tonight.

AIBU?

If you and bf live together just stop inviting her round

We do live together, they don't visit. We visit them, I wouldn't only his mum and sister live together so we visit him mum and she is there, we've always visited and me and her had a good relationship

You all sound very enmeshed. I’ve been married to DH for many, many years, am very fond of both his sisters, and don’t think I’ve ever met either of their best friends. Why is she in your house?

His sisters friend would be very close to his sister and his family alone, she is often in his mums house where his sister also lives. She also expects to be addressed as my boyfriend sister as she's known my boyfriend since he was born 🤨 they don't be in our house.... we visit the mum but that's where sister lives...

Well, don’t go to your boyfriend’s mother’s house for a while? Or just tell her she’s an irrelevant bit-part NPC in your life, so she can take her sulking elsewhere?

This all sounds very juvenile and teenage. How old are you all?

Your baby is still her niece/nephew - her brother's son - I wouldn't bring baby into the falling out and wind yourself up even more on that score. I don't know how old you all are but it sounds very dramatic and childish, the talking behind backs, the confronting, and now this schism. Maybe she didn't like how you confronted her friend. Maybe she agreed with whatever was said about you. You might be completely in the right, but it sounds like a fractious situation all round so best not to inflame it any more. It's only been two weeks. Give it some time and space, don't get wound up or confront anyone, be the grown up and hopefully by Christmas it'll all be back to normal.

What did she say about you? Was it true? I can understand the fall out of it was a lie or mean but you know people are allowed to talk about you without you being there?

That said, if it's completely out of order, and quite honestly I find this all very childish, then don't go to his mums. Let him take your DC on his own but be honest about why you aren't going.

So you confronted and started trouble with a very close friend of the family and didn't expect any fall out from that?

Can your boyfriend go alone with the baby? Then you can stay home, especially if you're feeling so annoyed. But tbh life's too short so in your position I'd ask to chat with his sister & clear the air.

Don't go to your boyfriend's mum's for a while. Also, don't explode at her. Either just leave it for now and she will eventually come around, she can't stay silent for ever. Or talk to her calmly about it, say you were really upset about what her friend was doing and apologise for your reaction. If she cannot accept your apology and still stays silent then ask her not to hold your baby anymore as it's not safe for toddlers to look after babies unsupervised accept that she's immature and move on

Is it possible the friend has told lies to the sister?

I think your boyfriend should have a word and tell her what the friend did.

Or you could text his sis and tell her what her friend said about you.

It's the sister's best friend. Bitching about her either by text or via DBro isn't going go in the OP's favour. It's not like she's going to say her best mate is the bad guy here. Better to draw a line and get to a civil place with with the sister.

To be honest I’d probably just face it head on. I normally set some degree of store by the saying ‘least said, soonest mended’ but this just sounds too awkward for that. I’d approach her when it’s just the two of you (perhaps get your boyfriend on board to orchestrate that in a natural manner) and say you’re sorry that she feels like she’s in the middle of this argument but that you care about your relationship with her and by association, her relationship with your child, and you’d like to move on from it. See what she has to say, stay calm and reasonable and hopefully it’ll be put in the past. I suppose you could also do that via a phone call but it’s nearly always the better option to discuss things face to face imo.

Don't visit anymore. No chance is someone going to disrespect me and expect to see my baby. Invite mil over to yours.

Tempting to wait until she ignores you and then you can take the baby from her. Tell her you're worried about her lately. When you talk to her, she has this blank expression on her face and you think there may be a medical or psychological explanation. Advise her to see her GP about these strange episodes of zoning out. Obviously you can't let her hold the baby until it's sorted put for safety reasons.

I would grin and bear it as anything you do here will make you look like the instigator. What does your partner say about all this? He should be the one to say something. But what was the best mate saying about you?