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Original poster

HELP - 9yo and Santa

19 replies

obje · 17/11/2023 19:41

Feeling like the worlds worst mum.

9yo Dd came home from school saying she knew Santa wasn't real and asked me to be really honest about it. She was looking me in the eye and pleading for me to tell her the truth. I know a lot of kids are around this age when they learn the truth.
I sat her down and explained that the concept of Santa (kindness, secret gift giving etc) was real but that the stocking and presents under the tree were really from parents. I'd seen a few fb posts on this and thought I'd done an ok joke.

However, she's heartbroken! She's just really down, saying Christmas is ruined and she doesn't want to celebrate it this year. I've told her nothing will change in terms of presents and it's about spending time with Santa but she's still so sad. She's gone quiet like she's processing it all...is this a normal reaction? Or is it because she was too young and I should've kept it going?

She seemed so adamant she knew and the more I tried to fob her off, the more frustrated she was getting. But then i told her the truth and it's like it's a complete shock and she seems a mixture of sad and angry. She's just deflated.

I absolutely love Christmas regardless of Santa and have told her it will be as special as ever. What else can I do?

OP posts:
parietal · 17/11/2023 19:43

Give her a bit of time to get used to the idea. Keep talking about the good bits of Christmas. You did fine and she will be fine.

Blueberrypizza · 17/11/2023 19:48

Exactly the same thing happened last year with my 8 year old. She'd clocked something she'd overheard me talking about when she opened her stocking on Xmas day and asked a few times if I'd done her stocking, but in the hustle and bustle of it all I managed to fob her off. Then before bed, when it was just the 2 of us she asked me directly and I couldn't lie. But then she was utterly heartbroken and cried for ages and I felt so awful 🙈 She sounded just like your daughter.

She had a younger sibling so over the next few days I spun it into she could be like Santa next year and help pick some things for their stocking and she liked that idea.

Now we're at the stage when her sib mentions Santa, DD does me a knowing wink and if she keeps it up she'll end up tipping the youngest off as well 😅

So just to say, was in a very similar situation and all was well in the end.

Original poster
obje · 17/11/2023 19:48

Thanks @parietal She just said to me that she thought she didn't believe but now that I've confirmed it, she realises she was still hoping it was real 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
obje · 17/11/2023 19:50

Blueberrypizza · 17/11/2023 19:48

Exactly the same thing happened last year with my 8 year old. She'd clocked something she'd overheard me talking about when she opened her stocking on Xmas day and asked a few times if I'd done her stocking, but in the hustle and bustle of it all I managed to fob her off. Then before bed, when it was just the 2 of us she asked me directly and I couldn't lie. But then she was utterly heartbroken and cried for ages and I felt so awful 🙈 She sounded just like your daughter.

She had a younger sibling so over the next few days I spun it into she could be like Santa next year and help pick some things for their stocking and she liked that idea.

Now we're at the stage when her sib mentions Santa, DD does me a knowing wink and if she keeps it up she'll end up tipping the youngest off as well 😅

So just to say, was in a very similar situation and all was well in the end.

Aw that sounds that it's worked out lovely in the end ❤️
My Dd is an only child. We're a really small family but my dsis has a 6 month old DS so I've said in the future she'll be able to help make it magical for him

OP posts:
Blueberrypizza · 17/11/2023 19:51

obje · 17/11/2023 19:48

Thanks @parietal She just said to me that she thought she didn't believe but now that I've confirmed it, she realises she was still hoping it was real 😢

Oh this too. I said to her, but you kept asking, I thought you wanted me to tell you any she said she wished I hadn't.

It was a bloody miserable end to Xmas day!

Original poster
obje · 17/11/2023 19:54

@Blueberrypizza it's so hard isn't it! I just feel like I've done the wrong thing and could've got one more year out of it!
Sounds like you handled it really well

OP posts:
MyLadyTheKingsMother · 17/11/2023 19:56

Ah this happened to me last year.

DC1 9 told me his friends had been telling him santa wasn't real and told me he had told them he was real because his mummy says so. "he is real isn't he mummy?"

I knew I had to come clean because if I didn't I really would be outright lieing to his face and I couldn't do that to him so I said the same as you.

He was very angry with me and insisted on trying his best to ruin it for his brother too. Was not a great Christmas.

mrmagpie · 17/11/2023 20:01

Oh god, my eldest is 8 and I'm a bit worried about this, he's got two younger siblings too so it's fairly higher stakes!

What should we be saying? I can't lie to his face if he asks...

Original poster
obje · 17/11/2023 20:05

My Dd has asked more causally in the past but quite happily just saying "is Santa really real?"....I was okay telling little white lies in this situation to keep the magic alive. Tonight was different it was more a case of "I already know, stop lying to me" and I just couldn't keep it up in that situation.
She's now saying she wished she'd never asked

OP posts:
Newuser75 · 17/11/2023 20:21

My eldest was like this at 9. He was absolutely heartbroken and that's no exaggeration! He cried all evening and was actually sick!

He just kept saying "I so wish he was real".

He is totally fine now and enjoyed last Christmas and is looking forward to this one.

He keeps up the pretence for his younger brother.

Zanatdy · 17/11/2023 20:25

My mum is 70 in 2wks and is still adamant she’s hated Christmas since the day she found out Santa isn’t real. Most normal people soon get over it though!

Original poster
obje · 17/11/2023 20:58

Newuser75 · 17/11/2023 20:21

My eldest was like this at 9. He was absolutely heartbroken and that's no exaggeration! He cried all evening and was actually sick!

He just kept saying "I so wish he was real".

He is totally fine now and enjoyed last Christmas and is looking forward to this one.

He keeps up the pretence for his younger brother.

Aw bless him. How long did it take him to come round?

OP posts:
Newuser75 · 17/11/2023 21:09

@obje a couple of days or so. Not too long really.

TheGreatHat · 17/11/2023 21:49

Can you help her to find a different kind of magic this year... Now she's in on the big secret the grown ups share, she can be 'santa' too.

What about wrapping up some little presents with her and leaving them in your local park for kids to find from "secret santa". We did this after DS found out, early morning a couple of days before Christmas. He absolutely loved it. Running around like a ninja, popping a present in the tunnel, top of the slide, the best climbing tree. Dodging random dog walkers and trying not to look suspicious!

liormat · 17/11/2023 21:56

Aww bless her. She’ll be fine, it’s just a shock! Give her some time.

FastBlueHedgehog · 17/11/2023 22:24

When my youngest DB was about 8 he asked me and my other DB if Santa was real. We told him it was mum but that he wasn't to tell her he knew because she had stupidly told us that she'd stop doing stockings when he stopped believing. We basically threatened him every Christmas to keep his mouth shut. My mum then confided in me she was very worried she had a 14 y.o who still believed in Santa 🤣. I'm sure your children will be fine unless like my mum the stockings stop

Original poster
obje · 17/11/2023 22:41

FastBlueHedgehog · 17/11/2023 22:24

When my youngest DB was about 8 he asked me and my other DB if Santa was real. We told him it was mum but that he wasn't to tell her he knew because she had stupidly told us that she'd stop doing stockings when he stopped believing. We basically threatened him every Christmas to keep his mouth shut. My mum then confided in me she was very worried she had a 14 y.o who still believed in Santa 🤣. I'm sure your children will be fine unless like my mum the stockings stop

😂😂😂 that's brilliant! I'm 43 and my mum still gives me and Db a stocking every year.....I'll prob end up the same with my Dd.

I've told her that'll stay the same and she won't get any less but it doesn't seem to be the presents she's bothered about 😢

OP posts:
Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 17/11/2023 22:42

No you played it just right OP. I'm nervous cos I have twins and one is wavering so I said if he asks ill tell him but he has to promise to play along, his sis 100% believes in everything. But if he doesn't ask and I don't say then he will keep telling her his doubts and he will stop her believing. I have been waiting for the direct question but none so far. I can't tell him and not his twin, what if I've gauged it all wrong and he will be devastated I ruined it for him but not her!!
What I will not do is look him in the eye and blatantly lie. My pal did this and her DS still believed at 13 but was raging with her for making such a fool out of him. Personally I think he made a fool of himself but I guess trusting your Mum shouldn't be something to be ridiculed, especially as they are religious so there are many 'stories' that are illogical but believed.

parietal · 18/11/2023 18:59

When my kids were suspicious, I told them Santa only comes to kids who believe. And avoided all questions about whether he was real. That lasted a couple of years

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