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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is BU? Me or the woman I work for?

12 replies

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 17/11/2023 12:19

Quick backstory - I'm a housekeeper to a woman who lives on a large private estate. Worked for her for a good while now and we've had some ups and downs. I'm currently looking for a new job because I feel like she's taken over my life.

Current situation - I've been waiting for a hospital appointment since April. Finally got a date for first week of Dec- if the treatment goes ahead at the appointment I may need a few days off work. If not, it'll be one day off then some time off later on for the treatment.

Nancy (not her real name!) is very cross because of the time off and wants me to rearrange it. I said I won't, and she's now saying she's going to withhold any Christmas bonus because I'm "always taking time off" - for context I've had less than three weeks off this entire year, and one of those weeks was after a minor accident where I couldn't drive.

She knows how long I've been waiting for this appointment and the impact the symptoms are having on my life and yet she's still insisting that I change the appointment date. She's also booked deliveries for that date, even though I'm not going to be at the house to receive them.

She has very good private health care and can't seem to understand that with the NHS you don't get to pick and choose your appointments!

I'm just not sure if I'm bu for being annoyed or not!

OP posts:
Afteropening · 17/11/2023 12:20

you’re planning on leaving

smile and say ok you’ll cancel

do not cancel

get christmas bonus

hand in notice before operation. advise new employer accordingly

MarleyandMarleyWoo · 17/11/2023 12:20

She’s being very unkind and lacking in sympathy. You’re doing the right thing in looking for another job.

justalittlesnoel · 17/11/2023 12:26

Have you taken your annual leave for the year? Or is it the sort of situation you don't get it? Honestly it's your health and that has to be put first, especially when you've been waiting that long!

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 17/11/2023 14:16

I should have had four weeks' holiday but have only taken two weeks, plus one week on the sick with an injury.

She's very used to getting her own was I think and doesn't like it when the staff act like humans rather than robots!

OP posts:
Catza · 17/11/2023 15:03

Are you employed or self-employed? If the former, you are entitled to leave for medical reasons. It is also likely illegal for her to withhold the money on that basis, although best to check it with ACAS. If you are self-employed, when you take your leave is none of her business.
Ultimately, your health is more important than a christmas bonus.

Dacadactyl · 17/11/2023 15:06

Afteropening · 17/11/2023 12:20

you’re planning on leaving

smile and say ok you’ll cancel

do not cancel

get christmas bonus

hand in notice before operation. advise new employer accordingly

I'd ne tempted to do this too, but if you need her as a referee or if you'll struggle to find a new job it may be unwise.

Afteropening · 17/11/2023 15:38

op

how long have you worked there?
what hours?
what is your pay?
what has happened in the past when you’ve been off sick?

my spidey senses tells me that this woman may have been treating you dreadfully for a long time

Afteropening · 17/11/2023 15:41

well!

just read your posting history Op

there is quite a backstory and doesn’t always paint you in the best light

either way - this sounds a toxic employer / employee relationship

LuciaLouise · 17/11/2023 16:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

QuestionableMouse · 17/11/2023 16:21

@LuciaLouise you need to start your own thread, not hijack someone else's! Quite rude IMO and you'll get better advice on your own thread!

LuciaLouise · 17/11/2023 19:24

Apologies, new to the site and thought I was writing my own post. There was no intent of being rude but thanks for your helpful opinion 🤔.

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 17/11/2023 22:50

It was a good point I think.

Good luck, I hope you get some good advice on your situation - work is tricky from all sides, isn't it? 😕

OP posts:
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