To ask what you would do (TW suicide references)

[BlueTuesday3]

If a friend told you that they were having suicidal thoughts (no intentions/plans), would you keep that to yourself and support them through it as best you can or would you share that with their family in order to keep them safe?

Honestly. I'd share it very discreetly and tell them it did not come from you. But before that I'd get the friend to see their GP - even go with them. If they refuse I'd definitely tell family. Suicide is on the increase and people are suffering needlessly because they don't want to talk to family and upset them.

Please tell someone, discretely but your friend needs help.

There is no right answer to your question. It would depend on:

Whether they had got to the stage of planning (method, location, date, etc)

What their historic and current emotional state is

Reasons for considering suicide

What access to other support they have (if any)

Your own mental state

I would tell someone, with your friend’s consent. Doesn’t have to be family, could be their GP or another trusted person, but it sounds like they need support and with the best will in the world, you probably can’t provide the level of support they need at the moment.

Suicidal thoughts are common, I’ve had them frequently during episodes of depression and they are different to an intention..but as a lay person it’s difficult to know and assess risk. Personally I’d be a listening ear and encourage them to talk to their gp and their family if that’s appropriate .if you do think it’s necessary to talk to their family I would discuss this with them first, some people confide in their friends rather than their family for good reason.

3 months ago today I attempted.

I am greatful for a friend I'd told who had reached out to a close relative who was also aware.

n/c for this. A friend once did this to me. She told my sister. I felt it was a betrayal of trust, she didn’t understand my relationship with my sister and I felt she wanted to pass the buck, as it were, and I was angry about it. The latter I can understand but feeling suicidal without intent is just a feeling and I’d like to think I could share that with whoever I felt comfortable with. If friends don’t want to know or be involved then they should make that clear. One doesn’t always want to share things with family for complex reasons. It’s not your information to share.

In what way are their family going to keep them "safe"?

And how would betraying their trust keep them "safe"?

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/supporting-someone-suicidal-thoughts/

Thanks all.

I was actually asking for myself, I’m considering confiding in a friend but I’m worried that they’ll tell someone else.

Thanks again for your input

I’ve had a lot of suicidal thoughts in my time (very intensely at certain periods in my life) but I’ve always been able to say fairly confidently that I didn’t intend or plan to kill myself. If someone had shared that information with my family I’d have been absolutely furious, because it would simply have caused them very unnecessary worry.

So no, I wouldn’t tell someone’s family. Adults have a right to privacy and this sort of thing shouldn’t be shared without their consent.