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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

HRTQueen · 17/11/2023 12:23

If course it’s is predatory behaviour

that is never ever ok regardless of the relationship after which has started this way

As was Sam Taylor-Wood and Aaron Johnson

ir certainly happens less but it doesn’t make it ok

SiousieSoo · 17/11/2023 12:25

hjytrjulykuyh · 17/11/2023 12:14

It is truly sickening, turns my stomach honestly.

"I had many brilliant pupils and none had his capability. I have always admired him,' she explained"

her saying that now... even though they've had years as a couple, just goes to show her sick mindset. She knew he was her pupil, and yet she was grooming him as 'her special student' from the start. Funny how a fifteen year old was so 'brilliant' and capable as to stand apart from the rest to a forty-something teacher who no doubt had social ties to academics her own age.

I think part of what is so disturbing is the knowledge that this predator still has her prey. Of course he's a grown man now, but being groomed and sexually used by a much older adult at such a young age can cause untold harm to a person's psyche and stunt their maturity. So it's certainly possible that even though he's intelligent and has a lot of power, he's still a victim of her and may not ever extricate himself.

He had no chance once she set her eyes on him. How any forty-something can look at a fifteen year old as anything other than a literal child they have a duty to educate and be professional with is beyond me.

The sad thing is his parents knew and tried their absolute best to prevent it but there was nothing they could do. And even once it was out in the open, she took years to divorce her poor husband because the feelings of her children were apparently important to her, never mind her victim who was unable to find love with someone his own age.

I was in a safeguarding course a few months back and this was used as an example of the way abuse and grooming can hide in very plain sight and isn't any less worse just because the victim is male.

Agree with every single word. Any decent person would have quashed those feelings and sought therapy rather than pursue a 15/16 year old child. The fact that she pursued him in a relentless fashion rather than let him live out his youth and adolesence shows what a truly disgusting individual she is. She denied him the chance of living a free and unhindered early life full of adventure and exploration through her grooming. She had the power and control here,his underdeveloped teenage brain was not capable of making informed decisions around such a life changing relationship. It is beyond sickening what she did.

Stresa22 · 17/11/2023 12:27

Sam Taylor Johnson is 58: met Aaron Taylor Johnson when he was a teenager and she his director l

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 17/11/2023 12:32

Standards are very different in France. Affairs are acceptable and considered much more normal in a healthy relationship. But this relationship was very troubling. I have a son the age he was when he fell in live and if her came home and told me he was in love with his age 40+ teacher and she had feelings for him I would wave red flags galore at the school leadership team.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 17/11/2023 12:33

Its even worse when you consider her child was his classmate!

Janeandme · 17/11/2023 12:34

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 17/11/2023 12:32

Standards are very different in France. Affairs are acceptable and considered much more normal in a healthy relationship. But this relationship was very troubling. I have a son the age he was when he fell in live and if her came home and told me he was in love with his age 40+ teacher and she had feelings for him I would wave red flags galore at the school leadership team.

This relationship was not acceptable in France at the time, far from it. Their standards on this are no different to the uks/

Night409 · 17/11/2023 12:36

That is disgusting!!

He was 15 and she was 40 and his teacher!!

She is a groomer and should be arrested!

I am almost 10 years younger than her but work with teens (and have a teen) and I cannot even begin to imagine how sick you need to be to start a relationship with a 15yo.

Scruffington · 17/11/2023 12:36

Yes, I asked a French friend if the nation (generally speaking) saw the relationship origin as fine, seeing as the French are a bit more easygoing with sexual matters. She said no. They also regard it as fucked up.

Deathbyfluffy · 17/11/2023 12:38

I'm not sure what's worse - the double standards in the world for this sort of thing, or this incidence itself.
How awful.

Scruffington · 17/11/2023 12:39

Deathbyfluffy · 17/11/2023 12:38

I'm not sure what's worse - the double standards in the world for this sort of thing, or this incidence itself.
How awful.

you think men don't get away with this?

HibernianHibernator · 17/11/2023 12:41

Shadowonasun · 17/11/2023 12:19

Of course it's creepy. And disgusting.

I have a 11 year old DD. To think that in mere 4 years she'd be in a relationship with a FORTY year old teacher.. I'd want him castrated, not just jailed!

There's something very very wrong with a woman/man who'd look at a 15 year old teen in a sexual way. That's just not normal. I'm 35 and I'd rather shag a lamppost than a 15 year old kid, it's just gross.

And as odious as Trump is, his situation is not comparable. He wasn't Melania's teacher and they met when she was an adult. She wanted his money/clout, he wanted her body, a transactional marriage, both willing adult participants, it's their business.

Mr.&Mrs. Macron are also adults now and their marriage wouldn't be any issue, if not for the disgusting 'falling in love' story.

She's not Glitter, but not that much far from him, in my mind.

Well, that's why I said we need to distinguish between the age gap (which certainly not unheard of, though usually with an older, more powerful man and a younger woman) and the age Macron was when the relationship started, which is the real issue.

I say again, his parents and extended family knew from very early on. I have no idea whether they investigated prosecution, but I assume there were no grounds -- the age of consent in France is, I think, 15? though from what I remember there's a specific clause which prohibits sex between someone over the age of consent with someone who has authority over them.

They sent him off to school in Paris for his final year, presumably in part to part them, but clearly it didn't work. After that he was an adult living independently, capable of making his own choices, however unwise his parents might find them.

I think the description of Brigitte Macron as a 'predator who still has her prey' and the suggestion that Macron is a stunted, damaged, immature adult is a bit mad.

Night409 · 17/11/2023 12:42

Posters are saying that they’ve been happily married for years now.

But can you be happily married to a groomer?

Does he even know what a happy relationship is?

My DD is the same age as him and there’s no possible way she’d be able to have a balanced relationship with a 40yo man.
He would be a groomer and would always have that power over her.

The fact that she was his teacher too makes the power imbalance even worse.

His poor parents.

Janeandme · 17/11/2023 12:47

HibernianHibernator · 17/11/2023 12:41

Well, that's why I said we need to distinguish between the age gap (which certainly not unheard of, though usually with an older, more powerful man and a younger woman) and the age Macron was when the relationship started, which is the real issue.

I say again, his parents and extended family knew from very early on. I have no idea whether they investigated prosecution, but I assume there were no grounds -- the age of consent in France is, I think, 15? though from what I remember there's a specific clause which prohibits sex between someone over the age of consent with someone who has authority over them.

They sent him off to school in Paris for his final year, presumably in part to part them, but clearly it didn't work. After that he was an adult living independently, capable of making his own choices, however unwise his parents might find them.

I think the description of Brigitte Macron as a 'predator who still has her prey' and the suggestion that Macron is a stunted, damaged, immature adult is a bit mad.

I think you will find yourself in the minority there, and yes there was an outcry at the time, it was all rumours and denial at 15 then at 16 they said they were dating, and his parents moved him away to get him away from her. But yes they stayed in touch and he was back with her formally by 17 when he finished school .

if you don’t find it disturbing, then you’re in a very small minority.

Almostwelsh · 17/11/2023 12:49

She's not Gary Glitter. But she is Bill Wyman. And nothing much happened to him either.

Picturesofowls · 17/11/2023 12:52

Of course its not like Gary Glitter. She didn't target lots of kids.

I think any of us could fall in love with someone age 15-80. If you love a personality you just do whatever body it's in.

However, we have a morale and practical obligation in some situations not to pursue it. I think it says they kissed when he was 15 and no that's not ok. With an age gap that big you really should be waiting until the youngest person is in their 20s and can properly decide for themselves. But we also see this with hindsight. Lots of 16 year olds married then and were seen as adults ready to have kids. Not now.

boeufbourguignon · 17/11/2023 13:18

Scruffington · 17/11/2023 12:36

Yes, I asked a French friend if the nation (generally speaking) saw the relationship origin as fine, seeing as the French are a bit more easygoing with sexual matters. She said no. They also regard it as fucked up.

They still voted for him, which I find so strange. I mean surely something is not quite right there.
I went to a french private school where a teacher, a married 39 year old woman had an 'affair' with one of her students, a very cool but troubled 18 year old boy. Similar time period to Macron (and not them). All very hush hush yet everyone at the school knew, not just the students. Then she was pregnant and teaching throughout pregnancy. The child was born during the summer at the end of the final school year and the boy was then officially with her and a hands on father. It took him a few years to shake her off but at least he got out, unlike Manu.

boeufbourguignon · 17/11/2023 13:20

Lots of 16 year olds married then and were seen as adults ready to have kids.
Really? i don't remember that.

diddl · 17/11/2023 13:23

You'd think that having a kid in the same class would have pretty much nixed it for her wouldn't you?

W0tnow · 17/11/2023 13:25

Well I still do a double take when I see them pictured. But he is clearly an intelligent man, and they have been together for a long time. Their love seems very genuine. 🤷‍♀️

Bbq1 · 17/11/2023 13:32

Cher is with a 37 year old, FORTY years her junior which seems wrong. When he was born, she was already 40 herself. Yuck. Having said that, they are both adults and i guess he gets what he was from Cher (money, lifestyle?) and she gets what she wants (young 'trophy' bf boosting her ego?). No one is as creepy as Leo Di Caprio but again the women want status and lifestyle and in Leo's case i guess he wanrs sex with young women so it's a pay off situation.

Janeandme · 17/11/2023 13:33

Bbq1 · 17/11/2023 13:32

Cher is with a 37 year old, FORTY years her junior which seems wrong. When he was born, she was already 40 herself. Yuck. Having said that, they are both adults and i guess he gets what he was from Cher (money, lifestyle?) and she gets what she wants (young 'trophy' bf boosting her ego?). No one is as creepy as Leo Di Caprio but again the women want status and lifestyle and in Leo's case i guess he wanrs sex with young women so it's a pay off situation.

Yes but none of this is the same as a 40 year old teacher with a 15 year old pupil.

Bbq1 · 17/11/2023 13:36

No i agree but it's still creepy. it's double the age gap and i am sure Cher and especially Leo have power over their conquests.

Scruffington · 17/11/2023 13:41

Bbq1 · 17/11/2023 13:36

No i agree but it's still creepy. it's double the age gap and i am sure Cher and especially Leo have power over their conquests.

Nah.

Cher has financial power but on the other hand he has the physical power.

A 37 year old adult choosing to be with a 70 year old adult is their business.

Mangolover123 · 17/11/2023 13:45

Never in a million years is it acceptable for a 40 year old teacher to start a relationship with a 15 year old pupil. I can not have any respect for her, however long she has been married. I do wonder if he (Macon) is secretly gay and she is his beard (absolutely no proof).

Bill Wyman is suitably sick, Mandy was only 13 and Mandy's mother was equally to blame.

I have no issues with grown women have relationships with grown men albeit a lot younger, so Cher, Joanie & Babs go for it.

SweetBirdsong · 17/11/2023 13:59

YANBU @ValerieVomit