To be able to let go of my childhood dreams

[Bamboolampsandscandichairs]

I always dreamt about being a doctor. I was a straight A student through school and college. Unfortunately I did not get into medical school despite having the grades. I did a science degree hoping to transfer or do medicine after. I achieved the highest score in my cohort for our mid year exams. But it all came crashing down as I began to suffer from depression, anxiety and became suicidal towards the end of my first year. I developed an intense fear of exams and deferred many times until I completed my degree. I was told by my university professor that i could no longer apply for medicine as all those things were red flags. My dream could never become a reality. Fast forward 15 years and I still think about it. How I could have done things differently. How I had so much potential and I could have done it. I’m married now and have a child. I work but not content. I know I could go back and apply for it but it’s a very busy career path and priority is my child at the moment but I wonder when I will be able to let go. I’ve convinced myself that it wasn’t for me but I still dwell on it.

Becoming a Doctor is such crazy hours and the money isn't what it should be (in the UK anyway) I think you'd be mad to consider it.

Would you consider something else but similar, I'm thinking pharmacy, dentistry or similar?

But if being a Doctor is what you really really want to do then you have nothing to loose by applying and see what happens.

I guess I could but not anytime soon as we cannot afford it. I suffer from a lot of health conditions so my physical and mental health isn’t what it was 15 years ago. Coping with its demands is another thing

I'd look at it as the Universe stepping in to steer you in the right direction. Your life would be completely different if you'd gone to medical school. Quite possibly you'd never have met your DH or had your DC.

If you're not content in your job, it's time to look for something else, but it's probably not being a doctor.

I don’t know much about medical career pathways but isn’t an Associate Physician like a doctor but with less training? Could you become one of those? I agree with other posters who say that being a doctor ain’t what it’s cracked up to be. Lifestyle is important and doctors tend not to have great lifestyles. Maybe go into an Allied Healthcare Profession like Radiology or Occupational Therapy?

Radiology is a medical specialty for which medical school training is the starting point. The consultant radiologists (FRCR) I worked with were also consultant physicians (FRCP). Are you thinking of radiography/radiographers?

Doctors aren’t known for their ability to cope - it’s a profession that contains a lot of people with MH problems. They’d blame the job, but it’s more complicated than that - some jobs are proven to attract vulnerable people, for instance. Structure and security of huge organisations, ditto.

You’re well out of it. Training is expensive and most of the work is unrewarding admin. You can contribute to society in many better ways.

Honestly, in your position I agree with previous posters - it doesn't sound like it would be a good career for you. I'm sure academically you could, but so much of surviving the job is mental and emotional resilience, which is tough even without added mental health issues.

I imagine that the 'red flags'comment meant that the career could harm you, not that you aren't bright enough. Substance/ alcohol abuse and suicide rates in doctors are much higher than average.

Even after med school there's years of exams, shit rotas and moving jobs, potentially areas every year or two.

I love my job, but it's undeniably a tough road.

I wish you the best in finding something fulfilling and sustainable

That’s the one! Apologies for the error! Thanks for the clarity.

It sounds like it wasn't for you.

We all have obstacles in life. I think people tend to kind of rear up against obstacles to paths that aren't for them, and you/your body did that in a big way. On the other hand, there will be other obstacles that you have overcome and in doing so you'll have set yourself on a path that suits you.

You may not be able to see that if you focus on what wasn't for you, although you can still take something from it.

I mean, there will probably be lots of other paths that are not for you that you don't even think about, so why are you coming back to ruminating about this one? Could it be that your perception of how it might be, rather than the reality of it, is something that really does work for you? If so, what is that perception? What about it draws you in? Where does that fit with where you are and how can you get to where you can express that part of yourself?

I do think about this a lot. Perhaps my perception is really different from what it really is like as job. I think my life would have been very different to what it is now if I had studied it straight after my a levels. Perhaps I would not have gotten married-the first years of my marriage were very difficult and very unhappy. We’ve reached a point where we are happy now and working on it but it’s come at a cost -mainly years lost through being unhappy. I don’t know if I’ve just made a career out of being unhappy instead. But I also know a lot is to do with my mental health and all the extra baggage that has come with my marriage.

Op are you happy in your career now?

What is it about medicine as a career that appeals to you? There are so many different roles in healthcare, maybe there’s something else that could offer some/all of what you’re looking for?
Start by making a list of what’s important to you in a career, and go from there