To get back in contact?

[Daisy2023]

25 years ago my long term boyfriend and I were best friends with another couple.
Holidayed together, shared good times and bad.
We were godparents to one of there DC.

I split up with my boyfriend and they were such a shoulder to cry on for me, although as they were still in contact with ex I kind of let the relationship slide.

5 years later I bumped into them, they both looked absolutely horrific. I asked after the children and they gave me their new address and said pop round. Although the wife did say to me that she didn't really want me seeing the state of the house. I found this strange as they had always had a beautiful clean home.

I then found out that they were both heroin addicts. This absolutely shocked me to the core, they used to do a bit of weed when we were younger and I never thought this would be something they would do.

He had a really good paying job and was hard working. Their children were there world.

I was told that they were living in squalor, the children not being looked after, petty crime etc, under social services.

The first thing I wanted to do was go round and see if I could help or at least help the children in some way.
Everyone at the time strongly advised me to not get involved, it absolutely broke my heart, I looked up to them as a big brother and sister and adored the children.
But I knew social services were involved and they had both come from decent families so I knew at least the children would have someone looking out for them.

I have never forgotten them and thought of them often and also felt guilty that I didn't help.

Was doing a bit of Facebook stalking and I think I've found them. Husband looks like he is doing ok, own business and the children grown up with families of their own.
The children are in contact with them which makes me think they are clean now.

I would love to reach out to see how they are but not sure if I am opening a can or worms and should just put it to rest?

Sorry I do know the difference between their and there, typing too fast 😂

Just bumping

It’s been 20 years since you (understandably) decided to stay clear of them. What’s not right in your life now that you’re searching up long dead friendships? I’d focus more on that, than digging around in the past to try to rekindle something with people you chose to not see again 20 years ago.

I’d get in contact with your godchild.

It may not reflect well on you... you didn't reach out when they were in a bad way, but now they have their own business and are doing well, you'd like to rekindle the friendship?

I'd say to leave this in the past.

@GimpMasksAndWagonWheels It's not about rekindling the friendship. I just wanted to see how they are.
I feel terrible that I didn't help them at the time. I was going through a lot myself and everyone advised me to start clear.

Ive thought about them a lot over the years and prayed they would make it through.
Im not even sure if they are doing well. He just has a small self employed business by the look of it and I'm only presuming they are clean because they are friends on FB with their children.
Could be totally wrong.

@Testina yes maybe your right. I think the reason for reaching out isn't because I want to rekindle the friendship but just know they are ok.
I left my home town 23 years ago and to be honest I really thought they may be dead.

@Incey she was just a toddler when I stopped seeing her she won't remember me.

I’d missed that you were a godparent. You didn’t take that role very seriously.

”I think the reason for reaching out isn't because I want to rekindle the friendship but just know they are ok.”

In this case, definitely don’t. That’s pretty selfish, entirely focused on yourself. You’ve already proved that when they weren’t OK, you didn’t want to get involved. So you don’t actually care if they’re OK now. You just hope they are, so you can neatly drop a bit of minor guilt that’s been irritating you. If they’re not OK now, you’ll turn away again, you don’t actually want to help.

You can’t tell anything from the fact the kids still have contact. Spend 5 minutes on AIBU and you’ll find sad stories of people completely enmeshed with awful parents.

I don’t criticise you for not re-involving yourself with drug addicts, I wouldn’t have. But I would criticise you for bothering them purely for your own selfish ends now. Let it lie.