AIBU...... I want to go out with friends........................

[LOOBYLOU2]

Our second DD was born in early Dec, I'm BF her and she is quite clingy at the moment so "me" time is quite difficult and limited to a 20 minute bath if I'm lucky.
I've recently made some new friends by joining the PTA at my DD's school and they are planning a meal out on 19/3 and I would really love to go. DH is not happy about it (he gets into a panic when she will not stop crying)
Tonight he actually said that "you're the Mummy! You can't possibly think of leaving her while she's like this ..... ending with "you wanted another baby!"
To avoid thumping him I've gone to bed ....
I don't think she's too young to be left for a max of 3 hours ..... plus his Mother has offered to come over and help him!
He has, however, had several nights out over Christmas and friends birthdays. Admittedly I wasn't bothered about going on those but as DD2 is so demanding I really feel I need a break now!

You are definatley NBU, he is, book the night out and have a great night.

My DC2 was born early Dec too and is BF and is v clingy at the moment - snap! My dp gets terrified about being left alone with DC2 as he worries about the baby being hungry so leave lots of bottles and then he's pretty much in the same situation that you are in.

No you're not in theory but from personal experience I was called back from nights out because my dd was hysterically crying which was extremely upsetting for her and my dh. She stopped as soon as I fed her. She was a big feeder and you do say she is demanding. I think it's hard sometimes for the men when it's so easy for the mum to comfort their baby, he's probably panicking. Maybe you could be on call if she does get into a complete state!

YANBU. Go out and enjoy yourself. I left DD with DH or my mum for 3 hours when she was 12 weeks poss even younger. BF at 6.30-7pm, quick change and make-up, out the door at 7.15, restaurant by 7.30, leave at 10, home by 10.15, BFing again at 10.30 et voila. DD none the wiser. Leave a bottle of EBM for DH or MIL for emergency. (You might want to try introducing a bottle feed of EBM if you haven't already done so to avoid DD going into meltdown if emergency feed needed).

Oh for goodness sake! You're the mummy and he's the daddy! Leave a bottle of expressed milk, have a great evening out and he'll cope just fine.

Thanks for the support
Yes I planned to leave a bottle of EBM and even have a few practise feeds over the next week
I'm only going to be a couple of miles away so getting back quickly is not going to be a problem
His attitude just infuriated me

I know how you feel, I have a very demanding baby born end Oct.
I can totally understand how your DH feels. He doesn't want to be left with a crying baby that he can't comfort- you can comfort her so it's different.
It is really difficult being hte only one that'll do for a small baby, but she won't stay small for long and there will be other nights out that you could go to.

would you not feel bad if ytou left her and she was really unhappy all evening?

Fingerwoman, can't believe your post.

Adding a guilt-trip to the situation really isn't helpful to anyone. Both DH and DD will cope. They might not be happy, but it's not the end of the world if a baby cries and isn't instantly settled. Besides, if a DH has to try settling a baby for more than 5 mins before giving up and handing it back to mum, he might just find a way to do it!

Top tip from my DH when dealing with crying baby - wear ear-defenders/ear plugs. He could still hear the screaming, but he said it took the edge off it.

I agree mumdebump. Have just sent dp upstairs to comfort DC2 who was crying (for no good reason) and he's done fine. He obviously needs practice. Its most likely: food/nappy/wind, and he's the father. Make him deal with it. Otherwise you'll never go out.

I think Mumdebump's post is quite a reasonable point of view which she is entitled to express. However, I don't agree with it entirely as the OP is going to leave EBM and there will be a granny in attendance, and she is going to be no more than 3 hours.

I seem to remember leaving my bf baby from age 6 weeks, just to go out for a couple of hours or so in an evening, and dh knew he could phone and summon me home if the worst came to the worst. It never did, probably because he was confident about the situation. The OP's dh sounds unconfident and has said some hurtful things to try to cover up his feelings of terror. Reassure him that this will be an opportunity to get over his fear; also that it is a rare occurrence and does not mean he will be left holding the baby every 5 mins from now on.

Sorry I meant Fingerwoman's post, not Mumdebump.

Go out! Have the break. His mother will be there. It will be good for ALL of you.

Cheers everyone - I AM GOING!

Someone I know got around this by having her husband drive the baby to the venue, she fed in the car, then baby and dad went home :O

I wasn't trying to add a guilt trip, I was just asking a question, because I know that I couldn't do that.
have uber cligny ds2 who will not settle for anyone but me. and yes, I would like to go out for an evening, but I am noit willing to leave him unhappy all night.
was just asking if the OP wouldn't feel bad if she found out afterwards that dd had been unhappy. what's wrong with that?