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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

were they just having a bad day

6 replies

catphone · 16/11/2023 20:40

Some time ago I was homeless, on benefits and wasn't really in a position to be buying loads. For context my mental health was down and my sleeping schedule was out of whack. I could see the local clothes bank had listings for things they were giving away, and people were asking for things all of the time in comments. I didn't want to write anything publicly about my circumstances, so in the evening I sent (albeit a number of) messages asking for things. They weren't long messages, it was a sentence/a few sentences sent in consecutive messages.
The responses were unclear and didn't actually answer my questions, like 'its for people who need them'. I was also mostly left on read, but when they did respond they were really confusing, I was then blocked.
A few days later I get confronted by someone who knew the person running the page, shocked because I didn't need anything that I was asking for, saying they were really upset that I was messaging them in the middle of the night, sending loads of messages, demanding things (exaggerated wordings in my opinion), later on in this confrontation, they (accidentally?) reveal they're up all night on Facebook anyway responding to messages re the page, so it wasn't actually an issue? What difference did it make that I was?
They also made up that I had left nasty comments on their facebook page when I hadn't commented on it at all. Every now and then I remember what happened during a difficult time in my life, and am struggling to process it. Were they just having a bad day? It happened over new years, and it really bothers me.

OP posts:
Diverpanda · 16/11/2023 20:47

Did you post on MN at the time?

I remember a thread very similar to this scenario.

fruitbrewhaha · 16/11/2023 20:53

It all sounds a bit weird. Sometimes people can be weird though so I wouldn’t let it bother you. Perhaps it was all a miscommunication, you say it was hard to understand. But it sounds like things are in a much better place for you? If so, I think focus on continuing in that vane. Keep your head up and don’t let this bother you or get you down.

PestilencialCrisis · 16/11/2023 21:06

Half the people giving stuff away on Facebook don't want to help people as much as they want other people to know that they are helping people. There are always posts on the local groups near me "I have xxx and I want it to go to someone in need" or "I have XXX to donate. Does anyone know where I can take it to?" If they really wanted to help, they would just put it on marketplace as free rather than all the grandstanding.

How horrible that this person offered something up for someone who needs something to then try to make you jump through hoops for it or make you feel like crap for asking for something they are asking to get rid of in the first place!! You weren't demanding anything, you were responding to a list they had posted in a public forum.

I would be miffed too, but ultimately, they will not be giving it a second thought, so try not to waste your energy thinking about it too much.

catphone · 16/11/2023 21:20

PestilencialCrisis · 16/11/2023 21:06

Half the people giving stuff away on Facebook don't want to help people as much as they want other people to know that they are helping people. There are always posts on the local groups near me "I have xxx and I want it to go to someone in need" or "I have XXX to donate. Does anyone know where I can take it to?" If they really wanted to help, they would just put it on marketplace as free rather than all the grandstanding.

How horrible that this person offered something up for someone who needs something to then try to make you jump through hoops for it or make you feel like crap for asking for something they are asking to get rid of in the first place!! You weren't demanding anything, you were responding to a list they had posted in a public forum.

I would be miffed too, but ultimately, they will not be giving it a second thought, so try not to waste your energy thinking about it too much.

that helps, thanks. I know it shouldn't be bothering me now but it has been, I couldn't make sense of it.

OP posts:
YoureALizardHarry11 · 16/11/2023 21:28

Did the people accusing you of not needing the items know you were homeless or did you keep it to yourself? Perhaps they assumed because you were able to access the internet in the middle of the night you weren’t in need? I’m not saying this is correct or judging you, but people do tend to make these assumptions.

Alwaystired2023 · 16/11/2023 21:33

OP it's so hard when something happens and you don't have closure or the opportunity to explain yourself when you have been misunderstood, it's hard when you don't get to just let go of something and it keeps coming up.

Sometimes allowing yourself to really feel all of those emotions to try and 'process' it, maybe speaking out loud to the person in question (by yourself I mean not tracking them down) or writing it down might help?

It might help to imagine that the person you spoke with about the Facebook messages was having an awful day / time, maybe they were lashing out or just being an idiot. It takes a lot to reach out for some help and to be met how you were is really painful, big hugs x

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