To be secretly upset the dog prefers DP to me

[Lemmoella]

I had my own dog before I met DP and my lovely dog thought the world of DP (and vice versa). When DP would come round while we were dating my dog would go bonkers and then spend all his time trying to live on top of DP/inside DP’s skin - as dogs in love with you tend to do ☺️.

We would joke that my dog had binned me off for DP. The dog would always get jealous if we hugged and plonk himself in the middle of us and try to sit on DP’s head. I assumed it was the excitement of a visitor/new person.

Sadly my dog passed away and later on we got another dog when we moved in together.

This dog is also absolutely lovely, so gorgeous and affectionate, I love her so much, but guess what, she is also completely besotted with DP!

She will sulk and pine for him if he goes out and I am home alone with her, if I am holding the lead she won’t walk with me it has to be next to him and if he moves away from her she will follow him. If I get up first with her in the morning she will sulk until DP gets up!

She is always happy and excited to see me but she is far more excited to see DP and always chooses to be near him. If I go out or stay in bed she doesn’t sulk or pine for me.

I have tried bonding and reassuring her we have spent ages calmly training her and taking her out and all the things you do with dogs.

I am not OTT with affection or over bearing at all. DP says I am the weak link and far more likely to give in to her cute little face or let her get away with mischief. She has her own space and routine.

I accept I am not her best person. I haven’t told DP that this secretly makes me sad as he would feel guilty, it’s no one’s fault but I am a bit gutted especially when she sulks if he’s still in bed or he goes out.

AIBU? Is this bloke doused in some kind of dog pheromones and I have drawn the short straw? 😂

I don't think this is something you can control sadly - I remember our cats always much preferred my mum, they'd hang around her chair waiting for her to sit down so both could climb up on her. My dad was the one that fed them but they couldn't have cared less about him! If she wasn't there they'd sleep elsewhere wouldn't go to him. He was just a random person who opened cat food packets, they wanted to be in her personal space whenever they could!

I feel with pets you can do things to make an animal like you and feel positively about you, be happy to see you and be around you. But you can't make them love you.

Is he the one who feeds her?

You are like a peer to your dog she has your love, indilgence and attention as much as she wants but your DP by his air of unavailability is seen as the pack leader. You must become the "pack leader"

Who walks her?
Who feeds her?
When she was a puppy who took her out to the toilet?
When she was a puppy who took her to puppy training and did the 'training'?
When she was a puppy who played with her?
Who plays with her now?
Who grooms her?
Who took her out and about more as a puppy?
Who takes her to the vets?

If it's your DP who does the majority that will be why the dog goes to him!

Dp had a cat before we moved in together so obviously it prefers him, I'm not massively keen on it though so I'm not too fussed if it stays out of my way. I do feed it when I get up but it's never that fussed to see me, whereas it goes berserk when dp gets up! We rub along as best we can 😆

I dunno, it's just a dog thing, they always have a favourite. Husband and I do basically 50/50 with our three when it comes to feeding , walking, play, training etc. Two of them are definitely "my" dogs, one of them is absolutely besotted with him. No difference at all in how we treat them, just one of those things. She latched onto him, the other two latched on to me.

Try not to take it personally, I'm sure you're lovely!

@Baffledandalarmed both of us! He has less patience with her too and I am more likely to give in to her whining and let her get away with murder 😂

She doesn’t dislike me thankfully as that would be actually upsetting. I am just not as good as him in her eyes. Maybe I am not hairy enough

I don't really agree with that 100%

Dogs, like humans have friends, sometimes very good friends & sometimes they just want to change partners, just like us!!!

I occasionally dog walk/overnight stays for someone, that dog is besotted with me, sometimes i meet the owner whilst out for run, the dog just takes on after me, its embarrassing.
I'm sure the owner secretly hates me but i look after the dog for nothing, she has just imprinted on me i guess.

To the OP there is nothing you can, apart from bizarrely keep firm boundaries, dogs don't respect owners that let them walk all over them, as perhaps you ve found out.

Ah definitely time to super glue some hair on you then! 🐶

Totally normal to feel sad about it, but it’s also totally normal for dogs to have a ‘master’ or favourite person. I am my dogs favourite, I am the person who walks and feeds him though too

Our cats definitely prefer DP, then DS1, then DS2. I am bottom of the like and only worth sitting with it no one is home. I am also the one who feeds and scoops poop, takes them to the vet. Maybe they just see me as the slave.

If you want to build the relationship you need to do everything for the dog, all the walks, you feed her and you do all the training and playing. Dp needs to be as boring as possible.

Some people are just magnets for dogs.

I am that person! Our dogs are besotted with me, they do love my husband, but he's under no illusion that I am the centre of their world

Sorry OP, it must suck. I would hate it!

Same in our house, we have a cat who absolutely adores DD1, if she's upstairs when she gets in from school she'll run down the stairs to greet her, she squeals outside her bedroom door until she gets in etc, she never does any of that with myself, DH or DD2, I wouldn't mind but DD1 never even feeds her, I think the rest of us are just seen as can openers 😂

Dogs just have favourites.

My SIL has a dog - the absolute love of this dog's life is actually FIL, who doesn't even live in their house. She is besotted, goes crazy when he turns up, leaps into his arms, won't leave his side, whines when he leaves. Poor SIL and BIL are 2nd best.

I think FIL just speaks dog language. If the house caught fire, the dog would save him first.

Even if your DP is the dog's "favourite person", you can still have a special bond with her!
I have friends, husband and wife, who used to have a dog. The dog adored the woman of the couple. The woman really was that dog's person. The woman did most of the care, walks etc. But the husband always did the late evening walk with the dog. And they told me, that even though the dog prefered the woman on almost every other occasion, he seemed to want the evening walks to be just him and the male owner. It was their special time.

Also, remeber what you wrote,
"She is always happy and excited to see me".
That's lovely! You have a lovely dog!

Our previous cat was definitely my mother’s cat, even though I spent more time with him approaching the end of his life. He never really respected me (sounds weird about a cat but this was a big, physical boss of a cat) and I was away at uni then moved out for most of his life. Our current cat is “my” cat and it’s mostly because I spend all day with her, feeding her, playing with her, she’s getting used to sleeping on my bed. My mother is wildly jealous! I would also agree though that whether you’re the alpha animal might influence it a bit, and some animals just prefer one sex over another - my late horse couldn’t stand men and was as gentle as a lamb with women.

come on OP, you know the rules! pay your tax please

Oh my poor DH I never really thought it would upset him but we have 4 large dogs and they wait for me and love me way more!

This. Sorry.

@therealcookiemonster Here is the light of my life 🥰
She is a more of little baby here
She awesome. I am besotted by her! She’s so clever too

It’s probably right DP is more reserved than me so she tries to please him more, she doesn’t have to try to please me, I don’t even mind getting licked in the face by this one ☺️

She is adorable!

We had similar in our house. I desperately wanted a dog, DH so wasn't fussed. I did the puppy work, feeding, playing, training, walking ect - the dog definitely sees me as leader of the pack but my DH is absolutely the dogs favourite person. The dog doesn't listen to a word my DH says but does want to snuggle up to him on the sofa.
We got a second dog. I'm the second dog's favourite person so now we've got one each 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am also the spare human, who will just about do if there isn’t anyone else in the house.

Oh no, I know - spare human is soul destroying especially if you adore them! 😭