To think if she bitches about other people she bitches about me

[someonesdaughter]

I work in an office, a back office type of setting where we don't see public and there's just the 4 of us.
One girl I work with seems very friendly to me but if one of the other girls goes away from her desk for a moment, she'll bitch about her until she gets back and will then be nice and chatty to her face, and if the other girl leaves her desk for a moment she will bitch to the girl she was just bitching about to the other girl until she returns.
I don't really get involved as I'm a lot older than the other 3 and keep myself to myself more but I do feel uncomfortable if I have to leave my desk or go to the loo that it'll be my turn for my name to be mud.
I've been a SAHM for a long time and so I'm not used to it, other jobs haven't been like this but that was 10 years ago.
Is this just what office environments are like now and you suck it up? The 2 girls I work with seem to both think she's their good friend and she doesn't like the other one.
Seems very manipulative to me but she's not bothered that I see her do it to both.

That's how some women are. She sounds such a bitch. I think you're right to keep to yourself. Be wary of telling her/them too much about yourself.

Yes that's generally how it works. Agree with pp - don't divulge too much about yourself.

She's definitely bitching about you too, but don't let it bother you. Carry on as you, let the drama wash past you.

I don't entertain it.

I laugh and say something like, 'Fuck me, I dread to think what you say about me when I nip to the loo!'

Then I just carry on with my work. If you're not listening then they've got no-one to bitch to.

It's definitely not what all office environments are like now - in fact, in my own experience, offices are mostly less bitchy than they were 10-20 years ago. But of course there are bound to be some offices where there's some of that unpleasantness going on and your colleague sounds absolutely horrible.

I think that most of us, if we're being honest with ourselves, have had a bit of a moan about a friend or colleague behind their back - sometimes it's just a healthy letting off of steam about someone who you actually like, but who is occasionally annoying. And mostly that's fairly harmless. But I also think that most people would do that outside the office with one or two people they were close to - literally bitching about someone to everyone else in the office, while they're just away from their desk for a bit, isn't nice at all. It's pretty brazen and I'd be willing to bet that none of you immediately start bitching about the bitchy colleague when she steps away from her desk. She's essentially playing you all off against each other so she can be Queen Bee.

It's very immature, nasty behaviour that most people grow out of at the age of about 14.

I think you're definitely right to keep out of it but I can definitely see why you're uncomfortable. I'd hate to listen to that.

She's absolutely conducting a smear campaign against you too. I think these types like keeping a wedge between all of the co-workers - it's controlling and manipulative and shows they are wildly insecure.

My current co-worker who does this is the first to say how much she hates women and how they will backstab you. She is exactly who she claims to hate.

I try and ignore it but it but I don't understand why people are like that.
I genuinely think each of the other girls think it's just them against the other one and has no idea she's doing it to them too.

Oh yeah I didn't mean that's what all offices are like!

But the type of woman who does this will bitch about everyone.

I cannot fucking stand women like this, just why? And ime it does always seem to be women. Personally i always defend the bitchee if I ever have the misfortune to get into conversation with a two faced fucker like her. Other than that @TheresaCrowd suggestion is a good one, and don't tell any of them anything personal at all.

This is the approach I'd take too

I know it's inevitable she does but I don't think I can work in that environment for the rest of my working days.

I've just finished a casual contract where the boss was like this. She would slag off those that weren't there, and encourage others to join in. A real toxic environment. Of course, nobody challenged her and two of the other women who are very lick arsey get particularly nasty which seems to please her no end. It's vile.

I suspect Boss Woman is the type who can only feel good about herself if others are being put down.

Being a temp, I've tried to keep my head down and stay out of it, but yes, when I'd offered to make tea for them, I listened and overheard them slagging me off. Boss Woman said something like 'she must be really stupid if I didn't make enough money to take early retirement. (I'm 57 and lost my job during the Covid pandemic and since then I've struggled to get my footing).

Luckily, this was only a 3 week admin holiday cover. I much prefer to work for male bosses.

Yeah I get super uncomfortable whenever anyone starts talking about anyone else behind their back. I always think people who talk about other people would have no compunction about slagging me off too so I avoid those people. Especially as I get older, I think it’s just not a good look.

She is 100% slagging you off behind your back.

Are you doing anything about it though?

How do you react? Do you stick up for the person being bitched about? Do you say something like 'Oh I don't really want to know', or anything like that?

YANBU. She sounds nasty and two-faced, and yes, if she acts like that toward others, she could do so toward you. Try to have as little to do with her as possible.