Would you think worse of me for having PTSD?

[wiseORscared]

I have two medical things going on at the moment. I need an operation fairly urgently, and I've talked about that, and my fears around it with my friends. They have been supportive and kind.

I'm also about to embark on EMDR for PTSD, but I haven't told a soul beyond DH. I'm afraid they will think worse of me for having a major mental illness.
Just the run up to treatment has had a huge impact on me. I'm much less efficient than usual. I keep forgetting things and getting muddled about arrangements, and I need lots of quiet time alone to stabilise myself. So I have the choice between looking distant and flaky, or admitting that I'm "not right in the head".

I live in a traditional rural community, where I fear judgement is likely to outweigh support, and where people have long memories.
So. YABU = you should take a risk and be honest
YANBU = much more sensible to keep quiet about this

I also have a serious mental illness. While it's not something I tend to divulge to anyone new until I've got to know them well it is something I've been open to close friends about. I had a mental breakdown and was in hospital for 3 years so couldn't really hide it! I have lost friends but it made me see who my real friends were. Do you really want friends who wouldn't be supportive? It's up to you who you tell and when but I think the fact you are asking this question means you do want to tell people and you want that support. I think stigma around ',not being right in the head' is very old fashioned in some ways but does still exist maybe on a less blatant level. I have EUPD and I have seen lots of stigma against it on here. But not from my true friends.

I hope your therapy is going well 🌺

You’ve suffered an awful trauma. No one should think worse of you for that. But it’s your medical information. It’s totally up to you if you share it or not. Sending best wishes.

No I would never judge you and I am also from a small rural community! Please try and book an appointment with your GP, they will be able to prescribe anti-anxiety medication for the short term. ❤️

I am sorry to say I think if I were you i would keep it on a 'need to know basis'. Whilst of course it shouldnt be the case, there is still a stigma attached to mental illness, and also a widespread attitude that mental illnesses (and special needs for that matter) are widely overdiagnosed and is used as a way of avoiding responsibility

I have PTSD, severe OCD, and other general anxiety and depression. Mental ill health is no more my fault than it would be if i got hit by a car and broke bones.
It's just my brain that has been broken/damaged and isn't working properly, rather than an arm/leg/organ etc. Medication and therapy are no different than a cast. The older i get, the less shame i feel, as i shouldn't have any shame, it could happen to anyone, i'm not lesser than or defective just because it happened to me.

To re-emphasise that is NOT my belief , but i hear it ALL THE TIME

I think there is a middle ground. If they are friends do they already know about the traumatic event? So "x event is playing on my mind alot lately and making me forget things, I'm having therapy for it starting next week so hoping to be back on top of things soon" no need to talk about major mental illness.

I live in a rural town, I also have PTSD and am embarking on EMDR, so first of all I'm sending very warm wishes and lots of solidarity to you. I really understand all you say about the impact on your daily. I've been here 5 years now and have told 3 people. A few others know the very basics. I haven't voted because it isn't either or. I think you can see it on a sliding scale - some people know nothing, some people know what they will be understand, some people know more because I trust them and they get it. I feel like you can assess on a case by case basis. You are a brave person on a bright and healing and courageous journey, when you share vulnerable things do it wisely and do it when trust has been built up and you'll be fine, wishing you well every step of the way xx

They would be idiots if they judged you for the PTSD but they will inevitably ask what it's about and you may feel like you are being pressured to go into detail which probably won't help. Also you may get judgement for what caused it if you do tell them. I would maybe keep it quiet until you start treatment. Or lie and say its a mental health issue so they know you are going through something.

No, of course I wouldn't judge you! I'd be sympathetic. I certainly wouldn't think there was something 'wrong' with you. PTSD is nothing to be ashamed of and I strongly doubt people will judge you. And of course, you don't have to tell anyone what the traumatic experience actually was.

In general, I actually think PTSD attracts less judgement than a lot of other mental health conditions, because people perceive it as something that has a 'reason' behind it - ie, you are unwell because you experienced something traumatic. (Whereas sometimes, conditions like clinical depression can attract comments like 'But you haven't got anything to feel depressed about' which is obviously nonsense, but is an attitude some people have.)

If you don't feel comfortable telling people, then don't feel that you have to. But if it would be helpful for you to tell certain people so that they understand what's happening in your life right now, don't let fear of judgement put you off.

I hope the EMDR proves to be helpful for you, and well done for seeking treatment. That in itself is a really positive step. All my good wishes to you x

I wouldn't judge anyone for having a mental disorder any more than I would judge someone for having cancer or needing a hip replacement. Health is health. Some people are in good health, some people not so much. Details are not important.
Having said that, I work with quite a few people who completely refuse being diagnosed or even assessed with PTSD despite fitting diagnostic criteria. So clearly either there is still a lot of stigma out there or they experience internalised stigma. Sadly, internalising stigma can also be part of PTSD presentation.
What I often say to people is that you don't have to disclose your diagnosis and symptoms, you just need to express your needs. So saying you are a bit muddled at the moment and need a bit of time to gather yourself is perfectly sufficient without having to "justify" why you are feeling this way by divulging your medical history.

It is no one else's business and you do not have to explain nor justify your self or behavior to anyone, least of all people who hardly know you. Try not to worry what people think and focus on your own well being and healing. Good luck OP.

I have PTSD and I agree with a PP that it attracts far less judgement than other types of mental illness. Most people are usually incredibly sympathetic because they know it means you've been through something traumatic and I think people also think that it has an acceptable external cause.

I have CPTSD and I refuse to be ashamed of it these days.
Having said that it’s only close friends and some people at work that know. I had a really rough patch a few years ago and needed quite a bit of time off work which is how some people at work know.
I had a short course of EMDR. It didn’t fix things but it did help.

I just go with a very vague 'feeling a bit under the weather lately, not really with it.'

People are too judgemental. I trust very few with the truth.

Play it by ear.

FWIW my elderly, church-going, rural living, very old school aunt (now passed away sadly) was very badly affected by the hugely distressing final illness of her husband.

EMDR wasn't a thing then but she had EMT (the "tapping therapy") - which was quite new itself and doesn't sound like it should work, BUT IT DID.

I can understand you might not want to get into specifics if the triggering trauma was something often not publicly discussed.

I have medical focussed PTSD and have had EMDR. It has helped. Good luck!