I have 3 lovely dc who I absolutely adore but lately I've been spending less time around them, choosing to go in another room for some peace and quiet, pretending to be working when they want to play because I don't want to join in.
Asking them to go and play in their play room because they are playing loudly and I find it too much.
I don't know what's happening to me, I never thought I'd be a crappy parent, I'm a SAHP but work from home and pretend to be a lot busier than I am just so I can have a break from playing, even though I don't play nearly enough.
I really want to be the good mum I used to be but I can't find the motivation, I'm going through the motions, take them to school, pick them up, make pack lunch, cook and clean but then when they get home I feel drained and just leave them to play with each other, I do bedtime and have a little chat and cuddle before bed, almost to make the day end well so they know they're loved and can talk to me but I'm not being a good mum at the moment and I can see this and I really want to change that and be more present but it isn't coming naturally right now.
They are all primary aged. I don't take them out as much in the winter so we tend to be in a lot more and I didn't feel this way in the summer when we'd go to the park or beach after school or play in the garden or pool but they are now watching too much telly and have too much device time and I know this but I'm doing the same.
Please don't bash me I'm trying to change this around.
I am becoming lazy and feel depleted of energy and I need motivation.