To get out of here?

[thebigshipsailed]

Me and DH, have been at the end for years, slowly, sometimes ugly, but we carry on.
2 DS's not at home now, and here we are.
I have this dream of being alone, quite alone, just me in a new environment (i hate this one!), with maybe a pet, even renting, I am cool with that. I don't have any more interest in owning things or playing the perfect life.

Has anyone ever done thins, just split and moved on?
We are very close and good friends but the real deal is not there. If I stayed this way forever I could not breathe. We both know this, but it is like middle-aged inertia and we don't move on.

Is there a way out, and is it just my lack of confidence that keeps me doing this? I wake each day, for years now, and feel utter fear and hopelessness. Suffocation. I am a lively person, full of love and creativity, but it is like a sort of death.

All you have to do is to take that one step, make the decision, and you'll be out. I have know several woman who have, all in 30+ year marriages, and the only regret any of them have is that they didn't do it years earlier.

You've got one life, op. What on earth are you waiting for?

You only get one life, don't spend it unhappily.
Move on, take a chance. Take up a new creative hobby and find a new community of people who enjoy the things you do. Squeeze some fun out of life!

It feels slightly foreign to me, but it won't go away, like to the point of depression. I do love him but we do not have a similar lifestyle desire. I so long for a new life.

Just make sure finances are split equally. This does seem like your chance to make a new life somewhere. I think you should take it but just be careful about finances.

I have this dream of being alone, quite alone, just me in a new environment (i hate this one!), with maybe a pet, even renting, I am cool with that. I don't have any more interest in owning things or playing the perfect life.

Absolutely make the break but don’t do anything silly like that letting have the family home whilst you rent somewhere.

As the kids have left home it should be easier to make a clean break. Don’t be generous in your elation at being free.

Completely understand. Especially when you say it feels like death. Your lack of confidence is caused by staying in a rekationship that isn't working anymore.

You don't owe anyone your life. No matter how nice (or not) they have been to you.

Tell you what, as leaving seems like such a huge goal to complete at once, what is possible to rent a place (like Airnbnb) for 3 to 5 days just for yourself. If you feel recharged being on your own, that should tell you a lot.

And maybe your marriage was working at some point. Maybe it doesn't anymore.

No matter how old you are, middle-aged or not, it doesn't mean you need to spend the rest of your life self-sacrificing, spending time in a place you hate. If you hate it, there's probably a very good reason to hate it. Been there, done that.

It sounds as if it’s your current lifestyle that’s really getting you down. If you sat down with your DH and said that you really need to make lifestyle changes, for example, move somewhere new, make a career change, etc., and he agreed to make a plan, how would you feel then?

Is your husband actually preventing you from making the changes you want? You say that you still love him so do you really want to split up?

We’re not empty nesters yet, but my DH knows that longterm I don’t want to stay where we’re currently living, so we’ve agreed to move in 5-10 years. We moved here for a job opportunity for him.

We haven’t decided where we’re moving to yet, but that’s the plan.