Can I ask what you did to Improve your life?

[OakTreesInTheWind]

Not really an AIBU, just not sure where to put thread.

Just that really, for people that have been really stuck or utterly miserable, what action did you take to improve things?

Unfortunately I fall into the utterly miserable camp, and I think hearing how other people have pulled themselves out of there would help.
For context, my situation is single parent to 2 boys, one with additional need, eldest hates me sometimes, I work PT in a career for which I have a masters degree but I don't enjoy at all (HR), I have very little support, a strained relationship with family at best, I just bought a house I hate in a new area through desperation as we were homeless and is a money pit (but ive managed to keep boys at school ans their clubs), I can't sleep, etc etc! All I want to do I walk all day and not face the world.

I need a plan!

Sympathies, it sounds tough.

How old.are your boys?

Get a new job. The change and chance to do something different (even if it's still in an industry you don't love) will boost your energy.

Your oldest needs a 'chat'. You are his mother, working hard in every aspect to provide a roof over his head, food on the table, clothes on his back and whatever he needs for his clubs. If he's 5 or above he needs to understand that and learn some respect for it and for you, or the clubs can go. Obviously pitch it as appropriate for his age. If he's secondary school age he can get a paper round or help a local gardener a few hours a week to understand what it is to work for twenty quid.

Any family where the relationship is very slightly less strained? Might they want to join you for a walk around the Xmas lights and a coffee to put things on a more comfortable footing?

And don't be so hard on yourself. You're keeping your boys safe, fed and loved. That is success.

Well the things I did to improve my life are probably not relevant to your situation but the main one was giving up alcohol.

I also bought a house that I despise living in - we bought last summer when everyone was going crazy and fighting over houses. Overpaid for what turned out to be a shithole (the area more so than the house). This summer after less than a year I said "fuck it" and put the house up for sale. We're taking moving costs out of the equity. Hopefully this will be our last house move.

How old are your children?

No advice is irrelevant, I'd really appreciate any. It'd just be nice to feel less alone, and to hear what people have done to help themselves.

@CasaAmarela sorry to hear you've been through the similar housing situation, and good for you for selling and moving on.
@WineIsMyCarb, thank you 😊

OK Well I was really in a hole with alcohol abuse and bad mental health and I realised I had to stop drinking completely. It's been really hard and I've had a few slip ups but I'm currently 6 months sober. I started learning 2 languages and taking online lessons with a tutor. I also started a regular and intensive skincare routine and started getting beauty treatments too (I understand this isn't for everyone). Committed to a regular exercise routine, a mostly WFPB diet and lots of water/plenty of sleep. Started listening to lots of videos about self development on YT while I'm cleaning. Started respecting myself and setting boundaries with others - this and the alcohol are the most important. I've started learning about investing/personal finance too. I still have problems in my life but I've accomplished a lot in the past year and a half.

I think a 'grown-up' chat with the eldest sounds a good idea. Try and recruit him onto your team, while acknowledging that it's a bit shit for him having a younger sibling with additional needs. You can go through all the stuff that needs doing at home, to ask for his input and see what parts he can take off your hands. Show him your budget and how you work out where the money goes. If there's some room for savings, see whether the pair of you can come up with a plan to save for a holiday he'd like, a new game box/bike or whatever.

Don't ignore your own needs, even if you've got to compromise. Ask on here for ideas! Plus, to state the obvious, find out whether you're claiming all the benefits you're entitled to and what grants might be available for you.

PP are right that changing the scenery can make an unexpectedly big difference. Anything from changing your route into work, having a new haircut, to changing your job.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. It will change. Good luck!

You sound an amazing woman.

Mine was , in brief, to retrain but I'm not sure you need to do that. Could you look into other companies or sectors where you might find HR more rewarding? Or at least a change of scene?

The house has got you on a secure footing for now but doesn't have to be forever. Keep that in mind. You're not stuck.

Agree that older lad needs a chat as PPs have said. He needs listening to and also to have some realities explained in an age appropriate way. He will be a grump at times but of course he doesn't really mean he hates you.

Are you doing anything for yourself amongst work, the house and DSs? Long walks you enjoy? Even YouTube yoga or exercise videos? I found these transformative too. Are there any support groups for parents of disabled kids?

there was a similar thread to this recently that had lots of responses. It was more general advice though.

I mean could you make some changes? New job or at least job hunt so you can see what else is about and then if there’s nothing better it might make you appreciate your job? Change your hours so you get a bit more time off?