Was I being unreasonable for suggesting friend tone it down?

[LukeIAmYourConscience]

Dear friend of mine that I’ve known for 8+ years. Friend and I communicate often, and regularly ask one another for advice.

This past weekend, I met my friend for lunch and she was telling me about an ongoing argument with her partner of 1 year. I sympathised and gave advice on what she could do. Later on that evening, my friend texted me and told me that she’d drafted a message that she was going to send to her boyfriend, and asked my opinion on it.

Well! It read quite strangely (IMO!). I won’t share the exact wording as outing, but I’ll pop an example below that mimics the tone:

“Hi boyfriend,

It is a significant concern for me that you do not like pineapple on pizza. I understand the inclination as to why you are adverse to this, however I simply do not understand your rationale. While I do not foresee us partaking in a pizza feast soon, I am apprehensive that when this opportunity does arise there will be undue pressure on me to avoid a Hawaiian. I hope you understand my lingering concern and I would like to discuss this further when you have capacity”.

Obviously the argument wasn’t over pizza, but I hope you get my drift! I thought friend’s message read more like a work email to leadership team than to a boyfriend of 1 year, and it came across a bit odd to me. I replied to my friend and said that her points were completely valid, however it might be worth softening the message slightly as it read quite formally. My friend flew off the handle and accused me of being jealous of her vocabulary! I’m absolutely not, my vocabulary is just fine however I understand that there’s a time and a place to use that communication style and I genuinely don’t think it’s necessary when messaging your boyfriend?!

I apologised to my friend and said that I was only trying to help her as she did ask for my opinion, but I was really sorry if I offended her as that wasn’t my intention at all! She didn’t reply, and I haven’t heard from her all week.

For context, friend is usually very laid back and informal (sometimes a bit too much at work!) in all of her communication.

Your friend is stressed ahout whatever the issue is and trying to reassure herself that she’s superior by using pretentious language.

It really gets on my nerves when someone asks for an opinion then freaks out at the opinion.

Accusing you of being jealous of her vocabulary is very weird.

I think your advice was perfectly reasonable and your friend is being a bit touchy at the moment due to what's going on in her life. Let it go and let her come to you when she cools her jets. Going forward, I would be reluctant to involve myself with any advice-giving.

I saw a video recently about the incline of therapy speak, and how it's basically become a trend that's causing people to have very unnatural and insincere dialogues, with everyone churning out the same lines and not speaking from the heart.

Does your friend spend a lot of time on SM like insta and tiktok? Whilst the example you gave isn't therapy speak as such, it has a similar vibe with the unnatural, almost robotic tone.

In any case YANBU. Can't stand when people ask for an opinion when what they really want is validation.

I’d assure her that you are not covetous of her lexicon and leave It there

That sounds like the kind of text message some users of MN type out when someone's been a CF 😂

No, you weren't unreasonable but I think generally it's best to keep out of other people's arguments (I know she asked you so I'm not blaming you). Two adults should be able to resolve their own disagreement without a third party being involved. She might have asked you for your views on the email but perhaps what she really wanted was your support for her position, so she took your mild criticism of the tone as lack of support.

All very irrational of her and you've done nothing wrong, but in future I'd just steer clear.

😆 Your friend is tapped.

I wouldnt be suprised if her relationships are all around the 12 month mark or less.

Your friend used ChatGPT to write a message to her boyfriend.

Ah, young love.

Jealous of her vocabulary 😂😂😂

Love this! 👏🏻🤣

OP - YANBU, your friend shouldn’t have asked if she didn’t want your honest advice.

Your friend sounds round the bend, frankly

Has your friend been in therapy recently? Or really into self help? Just because I have a friend who started messaging me like this a while ago and I put it down to her getting really into the unbelievably clear and formal way of communicating that is discussed in therapy

But yeah, you were right to advise toning it down. It's perfectly fine for a customer or stranger, but it would baffle her bf!

I think you mean 'non geriatric amorous affiliations'?
But yes chat GP!

Is this your friend, OP?

I was just about to say this!