DH friends with the school mums

[Eleanorfenton]

I’ve always worked full time so I’ve never got to heavily involved in the school stuff.

DH seems to have a good relationship with 3 of the mums and I just feel weird about it. Whenever I go on the school run they won’t come over to us but when I’m not there they will. I invited their kids to DD’s party and put my name and number on the invite. They didn’t bother RVSP to me but have gone through DH instead.

I don’t know what it is I just feel a bit left out.

Does dh do more school runs? I mean if they see him more then I think it’s natural. Husband goes weekly to kids football matches and one of the other mums (who I’ve been friendly with for a long time) messages him about lifts to/ from etc. I’ve assumed it’s just because he’s more likely to be there x x

do you think they'll have 4 some and leave their current lives and live in an illegal commune?

msybe he's so good looking they can't help but NEED his sexy arse served on a plate.

Revel in the delight your DH is a sun God and he's with you.

seriously don't be jealous or bitter.

Well yeah, he's their friend and the one they know. It's not shocking that actual friendship trumps mutual possession of ovaries.

Do you actually like these women? As people, not just as what they represent in terms of some muddled idea of what your life should be like?

DH is better friends with lots of the parents (inc Mums) at school because he does far more of the school runs. There are mums I'm friends with whose partners I don't know at all, so if the partner was there picking up kids I probably wouldn't go over to chat.

I think you're overthinking this. Unless there's some backstory you're not telling us?

I can understand why you feel unsettled by it but I don't think you should worry. Try flip it in your head if you were the one doing the school runs and having that casual chit chat you probably would not act the same if the other parent collected

Are you feeling left out that you are not more involved with school stuff due to work commitments? Or is it just these women? I guess I'm wondering if it was other fathers would you feel equally left out? If it's just cos they are women then YABU. I'm quite friendly with my DDs friends Dad not like regular chats but just stuff in relation to the girls. I wouldn't ever think anything of it. Do you approach them and join in? Maybe they got it wrong and think you don't want to associate with them.

Oh no I’m not jealous or bitter I said I feel left out.

You don't know these women. Why would you be "in"?

When I had DS one of the mums came over and congratulated DH didn’t say a word to me. I don’t know if it’s done intentionally or what. Now im worried about the birthday party whether im going to be just getting in the way of there friendship!

I am a mum who does the school run, and there are several dads in DD's class who do more school runs than their partners/wives - and I treat those dads just like I treat the mums. I text them to arrange playdates, I chat with them in the street, I don't draw any distinction between the male parents and female parents.

Sometimes I worry it could be perceived weirdly by their partners - but I guess I know my intentions are entirely neutral, so I presume everyone else can see that - and I'm not a 'flirty' sort of person, so I don't believe too much is read into it.

However - I do make an effort to say 'hi' to the mums and engage with them on the odd occasion that they do the school run, because I don't want them to feel left out.

Just giving the other perspective, in case it's reassuring.

ps I do not want to bang any school dads.

Are you upset because you want to be the parent who is in with the school crowd, or are you upset because your DH has female friends and you're jealous?

If it's the first one, then I think the solution is to step up whenever possible with school events, nativities, sports days, whatever. Invite to parties and chat lots when there. If it's the second then (sorry if this sounds harsh) you need to get over it. True equality means that jobs aren't divided by sex, which means that you need to mix with people of the opposite sex.

You sent out the invites with your number, so I would have RSVP'd the number on the invite. YANBU

They should have replied to you if you sent the invitations.

My DH does more of the kid logistics than me, particularly for football, but I don’t get bypassed in situations like that. If I go along I am usually approached by one of the mums (or vice versa). They sound a bit rude.

He is with you and looking after your kids, so I would not fret. I am a house husband and had similar situations over the years, and can vouch for the fact there doesn't have to be anything sinister going on. My wife on occasion has let jealously creep in to her thoughts, but more along the vein that she couldn't spend time with me while others could. But she now focuses on the fact that she doesn't have to lift a finger to do any housework, so is therefore elevated to the status of goddess in her friends eyes.

This does sound very rude! Plus if you had your number on RSVP then it should have been you they replied to. Does DH notice they are rude to you? Either way you'll have to be the bigger person and join them and get along just as you would if its DH colleagues.