Feel sick when MIL messages me

[Playing80smusicatthemall]

She’s been quite manipulative over the years, I feel bad for her as I think she’s lonely and SIL (her Dd) doesn’t seem to bother with her much and they’re always falling out. Mil posts those pointed sort of posts on Fb and just generally makes me uncomfortable, she’s often negative in her messages and quite ‘Poor me’
i used to message with her lots but gradually stopped due to the way it made me feel. When she sends a message my stomach falls, I’m also not keen on the way she calls my Dd ‘Her little girl’ etc…I know that sounds bitchy, but her behaviour often is. She posts memes about how she hopes her grandchildren know how much they love them etc, I just find it all so suffocating and negative. She’s often played Dh and his siblings off against each other and I just basically don’t want to be involved. Dh doesn’t message her often as he’s rubbish like that, I used to tell/remind him to, but I’ve given up with that as it’s not my responsibility is it 🤷🏻‍♀️It sounds awful, but I have my own problems and just don’t want to message with her or have the time for intense conversations
I try to reply lightly but then don’t continue the conversation, then I feel guilty!
Anyone have similar?

Why are you bothering if her own son can't be arsed?

Let your DH have the relationship with her. I don't even have my MIL's mobile number. Wouldn't occur to me to message her or engage with her on social media at all.

Come off Facebook.

Unfollow on Facebook and relegate contact to being DH's responsibility.

I don’t want to come off Fb as use it for groups or some friends/work messages etc. I couldn’t unfriend her as she’d be devastated and slag me off to everyone, it would just cause trouble. I already hide stories etc from all of them 🙈

Why would either of you bother to message her if she's manipulative and divisive?

Sounds like DH is going grey rock. I'd advise you to do the same.

Why are you engaging?

I had similar with my aunt and ended up going no contact which you don't seem to want to do but unfollow her on fb so you don't see her pitiful posts, don't answer her messages, if enough go unanswered she'll stop sending them. Leave all contact to your dh, if she's going to treat her dgc badly going no contact is the best thing to do

You can unfollow someone so they stop appearing on your feed but you are still on their list of friends. I unfollowed my MIL because I could not stand her rants or her check ins on her many holidays

Either this or perhaps set up a second Facebook account (technically not allowed but easy to do). Shift your friends across and just post very occasionally (if at all) on the original account.

From your description of her I understand why her daughter has distanced herself. Your MIL sounds very immature.

put her on a restricted list so you don't see her memes and statuses, answer her messages sporadically with general chit chat, ignore her poor me and just put it out of your mind. your husband can't be bothered with his mum why should you. BTW stop excusing him of not being good with stuff like that he just doesn't want to contact her.

You say your DH is ‘rubbish’ at contact with her and that her daughter ‘doesn’t bother’, and you say she’s manipulative and negative, which presumably contributes to the dynamic with her children— so why are you engaging?

As a pp said, I don’t have my own MIL’s mobile number, and I’m quite fond of her.