Dictated to

[Brumbies]

Short story is, I'm looking after 6 year old granddaughter - father is my son. He's neurotic about everything. My boyfriend of 3 years stays here most of time. We want go out for day, with granddaughter but son says I can't, not with boyfriend. We're both pensioners.

Unreasonable or not?

Ps I can go out with her on my own, just not with boyfriend

How long has he been your boyfriend? Has your son met him? Does your grandchild know him? How long has he been your boyfriend? What do you know about him?

Maybe just sensible rather than neurotic?

While your granddaughter is in your care, providing she is safe & well cared for, you can do as you please; visit attraction, go shopping, go to the park whatever.

Unless you are leaving the granddaughter with a strnger or there is a backstorey about your partner that you havent shared yiur son doesn't get to say who is in your house and if he doesn't like your set up then he's welcome to arrange alternative childcare.

Why don’t you try reading the OP, which answers the question you’ve asked twice, then try again.

Presumably since op has been with bf 3 years her ds has met him.

As I said, 3 years

Son has met him (son and granddaughter live with me)

There's no back story with BF. He's a dad, grandad.

We usually say to parents you have to accept the childcare offered and if you want to dictate you need to pay.

So the son and daughter live with you and your boyfriend stays there most of the time, but your son doesn’t want you to go out of the house with both your granddaughter and boyfriend? But just you and her is okay?

There must be a reason why he feels this way, has he said why?

Son tries to dominate me, at times he's scary. I'm convinced he has mental health issues.

Is he stopping you from having your boyfriend visit when you're babysitting, too?

No

No all he says is that ishow it has to be

Does your BF have any mobility or health issues? Is he worried he could keel over when you are out? If not, then I would say to him that unless he can give you a good reason you will be taking her out if he wants you to look after her. Incidentally do you know if GD's mother has said anything?

That's no way to live OP. Is your granddaughter's mother involved at all?

mother is passed

Scenario ds asks you to babysit on Saturday you say sorry you have made plans with bf instead...

We want go out for day, with granddaughter but son says I can't, not with boyfriend.

Tell your son that you and your boyfriend are going to x for the day and you're happy to take your granddaughter; if he says she can't go he will have to make arrangements for her to be looked after during that time.

Exactly this. Your son doesn't get to dictate anything to you, especially when you are doing him a favour. If he wants your help he has to accept that it's on your terms, not his.

Op how are things generally between you and your son? Is he bullying you regarding other things as well?

This is your most worrying post.

Do you feel safe Op?

Yes

Sometimes I don't feel safe, BF has been away last week or so, back tomorrow. Then I'm going to ask him to stay for a while.

Honestly I read your messages and interpreted them very differently to other posters.

Your son lives with you so presumably knows your partner well enough to have formed an opinion on him. There is a reason that he doesn't want him on outings so I would respect that.

Also, your son is doing something very difficult, raising a young child after the death of his partner. I know you're giving a lot of practical support but I would be inclined to cut him some slack and support him in this.

And what do you answer then? Hopefully: my house, my rules.