To not want to buy all my family xmas presents?

[badgerfoxy1]

Every year we have this. Last year we did secret santa but my mum doesnt want to do it this year as didnt like it.
Im on my own with 3 DD's aged 21, 17 and 9. My mums side is mum, step dad, half sister 23 and half sister 21. They always have a massive xmas list with expensive things on.
I normally spend £25 each on them but last yr was so nice to just do 1 gift and spend my money on my own girls.
Tonight mum has been asing what my girls want for xmas. I dont know yet!
Now im paniking about what to buy them all.....
Should my mum do her own thing, she is my girls grandmother or should it all be equal amounts spent?

YANBU. They are adults, feeling pressured to buy presents, especially for people who get a lot of expensive gifts, is unfair. Let your mum do her own thing if she wants to, but don’t feel obligated. Make it known to your relatives that you are just doing token gifts from now on and you don’t expect anything more yourself.

Just tell them you’re happy to do secret santa but not individual presents. If they prefer to do individual presents, tell them that’s fine, they don’t need to buy for you or the kids.

Don’t get sucked into present buying!

Christmas has a lot to answer for.

Just be clear this year you are not buying adults outside your own kids, or do a token bottle of wine/chocs. I have a big family and it can spiral massively!

This, or token gifts. don't get pressured into buying gifts, don't spend money buying unnecessary luxuries for adults when that money could be spent or saved flr for your children.

Watch/read Martin Lewis' talk about the unnecessary pressure of giving presents to people because they gave you one.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2022/11/martin-lewis-christmas-gifts-help-or-hindrance/

I think he is also going to repeat his talk on the next Martin Lewis Show this week on ITV.

Don't give presents you can't afford and the recipient often doesn't actually need (want and need are not the same).

Stick to your guns and do what you want to do, not what others want you to do, even if it's your mum putting on the pressure.

Just buy for your Mum and your Dad's. Tell them CoL is high and that's all you can afford.

Are all 4 of them going to buy for all 4 of you? I wouldn't be happy accepting gifts if I knew I wasn't going to gift back. If all 4 of them are buying for you 4, then that's a little less money you need to spend on your kids that you can spend on them. Swings and roundabouts really.

Seriously, buy for your mum or a joint present to include stepdad (although I bet he is not that fussed). At 23 & 21 year old half sister do not need gifts.

Why didn't your mum like Secret Santa? Did she not like the gift or did she not like getting just one gift?

We tend to buy for our own household and then do a Dirty Secret Santa (where you can steal gifts) with the extended family. Around 30 people so a lot of fun is had with it.

Just remind her that you are a single mum and with the COL you can’t afford to buy for everyone.

Your half sisters can have a list as long and lavish as they like, that doesn't mean you have to buy them anything from it. They're adults, if they work and live with their parents, chances are that they have more disposable income than everyone else and they can buy themselves their own nice things. Definitely tell them you're not exchanging gifts with them, your priority is your own DC.

Chances are that your DM is also better off than you and if she wants to treat her DGC then of course you're not obliged to reciprocate and spend the same on her. As for ideas, the older two probably want vouchers or money, so they can buy things they like. Possibly also the youngest too. Surely they must have ideas about what their DGM could buy them?

Thanks for your replies.
So as usual my mum has been on Gymshark tonight as they have a sale on and ordered my 2 older girls t shirts without me asking my girls or setting a budget. Turns out they both have the t shirts mum has ordered so she now has to send them back.
So annoying!

just keep repeating, 'mum we're not doing gifts this year' and don't buy them anything even if they buy for your girls. It's the only way some people will get the message. Keep your money and put into savings.

“I’m only buying for my kids this year.” Be honest and ignore any fits. It would be completely irresponsible of you to spend $ on everyone else when you have children to provide for in a single income. You simply can’t afford it, and anyone that can’t understand that is being a greedy jerk, imo

if everyone else wants to do Secret Santa then your Mum just has to suck it up.

I'd much rather receive 1 decent present than 10 "token" ones. Similarly, I'd much rather buy one decent present than have to shop for 10 token ones.

I used to spend ages .searching choosing and shopping for my Christmas presents for my dsd in her 20s
One year we were going to my dds on boxing day. Dsd was driving to us with her bf.. she lives 200 miles away
Dh met them at our house in order to direct them to Dds new house.
When they arrived she thanked me for all the gifts I'd chosen for her.
Dh had decided to let her open them at home with just him present.
I was so angry.He said he didn't think it mattered. She sort of bleated 'well I did think it wasn't right that you weren't there '
I told him never again would I buy gifts for her, she can just have money, which she probably preferred now although we are retired she gets a lot less in cash than gifts