Missed the boat on a sibling

[EmilyEllisBell]

My son is 5 and currently an only child.
He was 18 months - 3 during the lockdown/Covid time. And it didn’t feel like a good idea to have another baby at that point, although this would have been the time we’d choose, if it wasn’t for Covid.

I know some will say it’s not too late, but I don’t feel like I could go back to sleepless nights, night feeding, nappy changing and so on.

But conversely I feel sad he won’t have a sibling either.

5.5 years between my brother and I and we were very close growing up. There was very little jealousy or rivalry as we were at such different stages but still played together and had a great bond.
I’d love the same gap as it also means you have time to focus on each as a baby and not be too stressed as the older child is more independent.

I find the age gap helps to keep the older one younger for longer as well. My older one will happily play with the baby toys and we've had 10 year olds on the floor with the baby engrossed in building block towers and playing with the xylophone or baby drum. It's really made me question whether we hurry kids through childhood too fast.

This is very true, my sibling is eight years younger than me but as we've aged into our forties and fifties the gap seems to have closed and he actually looks older than me now.

I have 2 with 3 years between and we would have loved a third but I have had infertility and miscarriage and totally get the feeling of are we past all that now? We are settled, comfortable, day to day life is a breeze and my career is getting fun. Just wish I had the courage to say we are done and clear out my garage of all the baby crap.

I have a 3 and an 8 year old here, they love each other and enjoy playing together, they have a very close bond even with the age gap

Some siblings get on really well. Some don't. Some actively dislike their siblings, to extremes. And you won't know which until you have them....

Some kids (me, and quite a few of my friends!) loved being only children, had zero desire for siblings, and zero desire for them now we're adults, even where our parents have died and we're now without blood family.
I imagine that some onlies feel that they would like siblings, although I don't know any...

If you want another, have time and resources for it, great, but do it because you and your partner want another and you think it would add to your lives, not because you imagine something for your son that may well be quite different in reality to how you picture it.

And if you don't want another, for any reason at all, that's also fine and will do him no harm at all. He's never known different, it would be no loss to him.

I think the question is do you want another baby?

My eldest is the same age as yours and we had our second in 2020. If I'd waited I don't think I could have faced all the sleepless nights and nappies again. But if you want another baby don't use the age gap as a reason not to, nothing guarantees siblings are close!

Definitely don’t feel that you need to have another to provide your dc with a sibling. I know people who have only children, and they have grown up to be confident happy individuals, who haven’t suffered through being an only child. Does your dc have cousins and friends?

My dsis was also unsure about a second due to age gap, but our advice was if it is in your heart to have another then go for it, don't over-think. My nephews have a 6 year gap and have a great bond.

I have a 4 year gap and they don't play together at all. Hard to picture how siblings with a bigger gap would play together. DH and I usually take them out together and one parent ends up doing something slightly different with each child as they are at different stages. Very difficult when I take them out on my own and end up having to ignore the older one to chase around the younger one. Very hard for me to help the older one with anything involved like Lego or crafts. I don't regret it at all but life is definitely harder and busier with a second child and DC1 has had more disadvantage from it so far than any advantage.

I think you need to consider if you want another child not if you want a sibling for first DC.

Siblings of any age gap can get on well or dislike each other so there’s no gaurentee they would be close either way.

The sleepless nights/back to babyhood thing isn't nearly as bad second time around. I think it's because the baby isn't your main focus. Second/third babies etc get looked after while you're sorting out their sibling.

So instead of hours entertaining a baby, they're out with you in the sling/buggy/car while you're dropping off at school/Beavers/parties. Or big brother plays a game with them in the high chair while you cook dinner.

Yes, it's undoubtedly more work, but you've already navigated the biggest shock - from non-parent to parent, so the upheaval won't feel as great. Generally about 50% of the stress, compared to a first baby.

Good luck if you decide to go for it! 🍀

Exactly, Any age gap comes with ups and downs. But if you want another child you don't let Covid put you off. Siblings work because parents support that relationship. There's no perfect time