Guy “friend” won’t take the hint.

[AlbertoBalsam]

A guy I know who was in my year at school (although we didn’t have any classes together) has asked me out on numerous dates but will not take the hint of me saying no. Would I be unreasonable to block him?

Backstory (if you’re interested).
We are early 30’s. I have been single for coming up to a year now. I have never known him to have a relationship. He’s a nice guy, just not my cup of tea romantically.

He is best friends with my friends husband. So we really only see each other once maybe twice a year maximum at BBQ’s, weddings etc. When we are in person he will want to stay with me and only speak to me during the whole day, not speak to anyone else. Whereas I like to mingle and catch up with lots of different friends.

We are friends on Facebook. He will message me quite frequently. Maybe every couple of weeks or so. He always initiates contact. It will start off with “how was your weekend?” “Did you enjoy X activity” by referencing a recent post of mine.

I always reply, to be polite. But I will keep it short and sweet.

He has asked me out on 4 separate occasions since my split from my ex partner last year. Each time I have politely declined and said I am not interested in dating and just see us as friends.

Earlier I received a message from him asking me what I am doing this weekend. I mean, he may not be wanting a date, but my instincts is telling me this is where it is heading.

This is completely draining, I am tired of saying no. Would I be unreasonable to just block him from social media? Even though I run the risk of bumping into him at the next friendship group wedding next Spring?

P.S he never asks me out in person. Just via message.

Stop engaging with him

You’re not hinting if you continually respond to him

Just block him/stop responding.

Just don’t reply. He’ll hopefully get the message.

I think its better to send a clear message - 'I've said 'no' to you 4 times now, its offensive for you to keep asking.' Then block him.

I'd actually wait until he asks you out again to make a final point before blocking him, just because I'd want to make it clear that he's being a twat. Understandable to just block if you don't want to go down that route. I'd tell him he's rude to keep asking when you've tried to politely turn him down and to keep hassling a woman for a date isn't acceptable. Then, block.

I understand that it's not easy, since he is an old acquaintance, and a friend of a friend.
I agree with previous posters.

• Tell him he is rude for persisting, when you have been very clear with him.
• Stop responding.
• Block him.

Any or all of these options.

I actually find "polite hinting" to be really confusing. Better to be polite but direct. If he asks you out again say "no, thank you for asking but as I said before I'm not interested in going on a date with you/seeing you one to one" (whichever version you prefer).then just never reply to him again.

Trouble is by being polite and chatting you’re just encouraging him to message again. You’ve tried telling him by the polite hinting some woman do, why some feel they need to is beyond me.

Your choices are spell it out loud and clear, just don’t reply or block him!

These threads make me feel very old and out of touch! I have never blocked anyone on phone or social media.

Are you interested in being friends with him? If not there is really no obligation to engage with him. If you're sure it's heading that way I would probably wait til he asks again and give a clear response that you're not interested in dating him or catching up solo.

Block him for Christ's sake.

I totally understand @AlbertoBalsam I had nearly the same situation. Best friend's husband's best friend in my case - so I didn't have to see him often, but often enough (and it felt close enough) that I couldn't just tell him to piss off.

Do your friend/his friend know about the asking out? Mine were completely gobsmacked when I told them as he never mentioned it. If you tell them then hopefully they can intervene to keep him away more at group events.

I think I could have dealt with it better by sending a final message along the lines of "Look [name] I'm sorry but once again I really don't see you that way, and I don't want to fall out with you because I keep trying to tell you this and I feel like you're not listening." and then blocked.

Also I completely understand that it's hard to do this when the person seems nice (except in being too persistent). But mine only got the message when I married someone else!!!! I don't want you to have to wait.

But he’s not a friend and you don’t owe him the courtesy of this dancing around. Remove him from your socials, set posts to friends only, block him whatever.

ignore his messages. Tell your friend.

but don’t keep replying and being ‘nice’ as we are expected to.

Just stop responding.

Or yes, just block him.

It's your social media, you're the one in charge.

If you don’t want to block because you’ll feel awkward, you can filter who See’s things. Just filter it so he can’t see your posts. Also, stop responding to his messages.

On Facebook set your post sharing default to 'friends except bloke' and he won't see anything. When he IMs you just leave him unread. If you see him at a social event exchange polite greetings then say 'excuse me' and go talk to someone else. Enlist a friend to run interference if you get stuck with him and need a person to escape to.

I always reply, to be polite. But I will keep it short and sweet.
This is where you're going wrong. Stop talking to him. You are not hinting. You are engaging every single time he contacts you.

Block him. I did a post on here last spring (different username) about being annoyed by various men I'd met briefly at social events dragging out small talk months after and not taking the hint.

I went on a blocking spree. I have about 19 blocked now. Zero regrets. Made my phone use more pleasant and I don't dread their messages.

Stop being 'nice.' He'll go annoy someone else.

I would actually say at this point that you have said no on multiple times, you are not interested and you don't feel this has been respected which is not ok, it's now got to the point that it's making you feel deeply uncomfortable and has become harassment. Id also say that if he continues to try and repeatedly contact you, you will act accordingly if necessary.

Then block.

Don't leave any room for misinterpretation. Don't leave him to 'figure it out'. He knows damn well you aren't interested and is STILL persisting in the hope that he will ware you down or you will somehow change your mind. That's not ok.

He's not taken the hint so be direct. Stop engaging with him and stop being nice to him. He is taking you being nice as a reason to continue.

It sounds like you've more than hinted. You've been pretty damn clear. I probably wouldn't block him at this point given the other connections but I'd be extremely firm and say, I've told you on multiple occasions that I'm not interested in you in this way, and it's really upsetting me that you continue to ask. Please respect me and my wishes by never, ever raising this matter again.

If he doesn't understand after that then yes. Block him.

I think you should tell him that you like him as a friend but that is it and if he keeps asking you to go out than you will have to block him. That way he's been warned and if there's a reason for his poor social skills such as ASD then you have made your position clear. He might have though that you were saying no because you were busy so make clear what the situation is then block away if he continues.

He's thinking that you are being nice to him and it's only a matter of time before you get over your split and want to start dating again and he keeps hanging on that you might make yourself available to him.

You could invent a new boyfriend if you want to maintain a friendship or tour could just block him. Whether you give him a clear message about why you're blocking him is up to you.

Or you could just not ever read his messages.

Are you concerned he might turn nasty if you give him a definitive and final no? It's ridiculous but very common that we are polite to men in this way because we fear their reaction to outright rejection. Time we all stopped pandering to them! The cowardly and weasley asking only over messages and not in real life is also a red flag.

What do you mean ‘hint’ and do you say you just don’t want to date, or have you actually made it clear that you do not want to date him, because you are not interested in him?

It’s difficult to tell from your post just how clear you have been.
Also why are you asking a forum if it’s ok to block someone you don’t want anything to do with?

In my case I ended up having to ignore and block him. It took 6 months of going no contact for him to stop, and I suspect the mutual friend telling him I'd told them I felt uncomfortable with him messaging so much suggesting meetups and not hearing my no.

Unfortunately, I also lost the mutual friend due to her thinking he could do no wrong and not understanding why I didn't want to be around him at social events. I miss her but haven't heard from him in many years thankfully.