To ask for some guidance? (Work/HR/bullying related)

[Anybelle]

I'm currently looking for another job due to being bullied at work. HR have witnessed first hand the bullying (it occurs not just privately, but in meetings too), and have nothing to say about it. I want to raise a grievance but am very intimated at even the thought of doing so as I cannot be sure I will have any support, nor that submitting one won't just exacerbate how I'm treated. I've contacted ACAS who have just told me to raise a grievance and write things down, and ive tried contacting some trade unions; none of whom are prepared to support me as it is an "ongoing case".

I absolutely dread going to work but feel so alone in standing up for myself. Any advice from MNers would be really appreciated as to how to navigate the situation.

HR aren’t there to act as some sort of police force. If you want to complain about something, speak to your manager and raise a grievance.

(HR Director.)

My manager is the one bullying me. I don't have anyone but HR to report it to other than the CEO (the only person higher than my manager) who will delegate it to HR anyway.

I'm not expecting for HR to "act as a police force", but if they're witnessing that behaviour between a manager and an employee and it doesn't flag as a concern, then I would think it'd be understandable to have a significant lack of faith that I'd be supported by them in what will likely be a messy situation.

What are the examples of bullying?

HR are there to protect the company, not you. Having been in a similar situation with a manager who was obviously out of her depth & just turned into a toxic micro manager HR said they are practically powerless unless a grievance is made. They have to remain neutral.

This.
I feel out of touch with what counts as workplace bullying these days, with threads saying its workplace related and can be dealt with by hr punitively if you socialise with some colleagues outside of work and don't invite everyone.

Follow the tips as per acas advice and continue to stay in contact with them to see your next steps

decide whether you want to go down the grievance route or leave. Also consider your mental health and speak to your doctor if you need too

Outrightly saying that there is nothing positive to say about what I do, admitting to actively avoiding me because they don't like being around "so much negativity" (referencing my work as opposed to my demeanor) and therefore admitting they refuse to help me when I'm trying to ask for it, but then constantly putting me down for making small mistakes that occur because they won't train me in the role I'm supposed to do, openly discussing with another colleague about how it would be better to get their own adult child in to do my job, micro-managing me and generally trying to force me out of the job by creating a toxic work environment.

Haha bollocks! I meet weekly with my work colleagues for after work drinks (not all of us) and if my boss called me into a meeting for not inviting everyone I’d tell them to bugger off! I choose my friends, I choose who I socialise with. I won’t let work dictate who I invite for a bevvy cuz of bullshit HR crap 💩

It sounds like a tiny company who will not deal with it well? I know it won’t feel fair but I would just look for another job like mad and leave asap. Don’t look back.

I'm trying to leave but I live and work relatively rurally so I'm having to look for jobs much further afield and may need to consider relocating to make another job affordable when accounting for travelling.

Yes it is a very small company. HR is just one person (who doesn't come from a HR background) and has been befriended by my manager. My manager actually has the company over a barrel because they have been there since its inception and are the only person who know how to work specific parts of the company. This is why I feel so powerless.

OP is it a large or small company you work for? Generally in smaller companies it’s harder to get point by point training. Larger companies have policies and training for EVERYTHING even if it seems common sense etc. smaller companies struggle as they assume people can take notes and ask questions on training etc to get the gist.

OP if the company is so small and HR are mates with the bully then I'm afraid this may be hard to resolve.
If your company has a grievance policy then you can look at that and look to invoke it but otherwise it just seems that the company culture is toxic. You can fight this of course and get this raised and investigated but personally I'd put my energy into finding something else more nuturing job wise. Sorry

Sadly I’ve found this to be the case both in larger and smaller companies.

One thing which did help me with confidence and depression over this was therapy relating to workplace bullying. It also used CBT but meant I had support outside family/partner/friends and meant I felt better to ultimately leave.

Good luck though and try not to let this get you down.

In my experience workplace bullying ends one way. With the victim leaving.

I was the victim of prolonged workplace bullies. I raised a grievance (large employer). Very little happened. I knew when I raised it how it would end.

My advice would be check your sickness entitlement. If you're entitled to full pay then take some sick leave to spend time looking for new jobs. Then get some counselling to come to terms with the situation and the fact that you likely won't get what you deserve from it. I wish i'd done this sooner. I ended up taking 6 months off sick. Finding a new job and moving on. I'm currently exploring counselling, as i still have a lot of unresolved feelings about the situation nearly 2 years later.

Workplace bullying is minimised. But it has significant impact on the victim who very rarely gets a fair outcome.

Does you get OSP or SSP? If you can afford to do so get signed off by your doctor with the stress of the situation. It will only strengthen your case plus gives you the head space to look for other jobs x

Could you share how you accessed this therapy?

In a sense you need to claim back power for yourself. So though you may not be able to do much HR wise you can act like your manager’s actions aren’t affecting you (even if they are). The manager wants to see you cowed/controlled by their actions and with no one (eg HR) helping you or giving you some sort of help (which is cackhanded as you say they have no HR background).

One thing you might try with them is a Settlement Agreement (used to be called Comoromise Agreement). Basically you agree to leave but with a cash settlement and agree to take no further action, but you get reference etc. You go to an independent employment law solicitor who’ll look over the agreement for you, advise if necessary and agree for it to be signed etc.

I just looked online, found a reputable practice and stated what I wanted. The therapist didn’t necessarily specialise in workplace bullying but did have CBT experience.

I paid for it myself though and went after work, once a week for about 6 months.

In my situation the bully ended up getting booted. It wasn't straightforward though. There was a lot of fallout. My hair started falling out with the stress of it. I didn't sleep properly for months.

My honest advice is to leave. Protect your energy and your sanity. And no, you shouldn't have to but if you can't access any support, that is how it's likely to end.

(And no, nobody needs to invite everyone to a social event, that's not what the other thread was about. You just don't need to be a dick about it if you don't.)

I would look for another job, but I know it's easier said that done to find one. And why should peope be allowed to unfairly hound you out of a job?

Raise a grievance so there is a paper trail, and keep a record of all further correspondence in writing e.g. asking for updates and progress reports from HR.

Keep a record of every example where you've felt intimidated / undermined / unsupported etc.

Have you had any 1:1 meetings with managers to plot your progress; if not, request one and ask for it to be documented.
Use the words 'constructive dismissal' when referring to how you are being made to feel whilst working there, and how it's almost as though they WANT you to leave.

It's a horrible situation for you, and I'm sure you just want to leave ........but don't make it easy for them to bully you out

Use the words 'constructive dismissal' when referring to how you are being made to feel whilst working there, and how it's almost as though they WANT you to leave.

Meaningless unless the OP has more than 2 years service. Around 5% of CD cases succeed. None of them without any evidence that the OP has tried to resolve the issue.