To have not made her dinner

[BurnoutGP]

DD2 is 16. Its just me and her DD1 is at uni. I have been a single parent since she was born.
I work 3 long days getting in about 7. We have 2 veggie goustos a week as DD2 is veggie to have something easy to prepare and some veggie variety. In the hopes that she will get it going on some days. This rarely happens.
I got in this evening. She has been in bed since she got home from school.
I asked what she wanted for dinner. She didn't fancy either of the goustos. She didn't want anything offered. Jackets, pasta, noodles, sausages, soup, beans on toast....
In the end I said well I'm having a tin of soup and some crusty part baked rolls.
She's just stormed down and is making a variety of freezer food. Which I could have done for her. She's in a strop.
Not to drip feed. She has some ALN (mild ASD and ADHD) and is doing some GCSEs so is stressed and overwhelmed. I have been calm and not annoyed. Not sure what else I could have done?

Nothing. She's stressed. She's doing GCSES. She's a teenager. Be peace.

Leave her to it, she is more than capable of sorting out her own dinner!

Just ignore her. Teenagers love drama!
She's making her own dinner- it's a big bonus!

(Smile & Wave)

Is she usually offered so many choices?

Mild ASD isn't a thing. She is clearly struggling and has been using her time after school in bed to try and degrees and regulate.

Yeah, disabled teenagers are different and tend to need a bit more input though.

She’s a standard stressed teenager, and she’s making her own food. I don’t see a big issue here! Teens strop, they’re emotional.

Disabled?

What additional input did she need? OP offered her many options.

OP, don’t be her doormat.

She has ASD

Too many choices are overwhelming for many people not just the neurodiverse, and anxiety makes it all the worse. You could have suggested two alternatives or simply made her something you know she likes.

You did ask what else you could have done!

Surely this is just standard teenage mood swings, doesn't sound out of the ordinary to me

At 16 she should be capable of feeding herself, and clearly is if she's making her own dinner now. I'm sure she will get over her strop if you continue to stay calm and don't feed into the drama.

My son is 11 and ASD. If I know he's trying to regulate himself I wouldn't have offered him any choices (as it would just stress him out further) i would have just cracked on and cooked him some chicken nuggets (his fav). He's fed, one less stress for all concerned.

I don't think you're being unreasonable in trying to care for her but the choices may have been overwhelming. I would praise her for doing it herself and have a cuddle

@noisyfrodge - OP did actually say that her DD is doing her own dinner.

It's great! Why should OP engage with a sropy DD? And take away the little achievement of sorting her own dinner?

Thanks all. She doesn't usually get so many choices no but I was trying to be supportive because of exams. In retrospect as the ND mums have commented it was too much when she was already overwhelmed.
The stropping can be hard to deal with, and she doesn't really do cuddles (too much sensory stimulation) but we have had a little chat.

Thank you but I'll go with the formal psychology diagnosis.
ASD is indeed a spectrum. She is on the milder end but is most definitely neurodivergent.
Dismissing it doesn't help.

Thank you but I'll go with the formal psychology diagnosis.
ASD is indeed a spectrum. She is on the milder end but is most definitely neurodivergent.

That's not what spectrum means
Dismissing it doesn't help.

Sorry. I am an autism specialist in the NHS. Mild autism is not a thing. The autism spectrum is not linear and there are no ends.

She is autistic and may mask her needs more at times. Masking is exhausting.

The spectrum isn’t a line with an “end” where people are placed along the line as “more autistic” & whoever diagnosed your DD has done her a disservice if they have minimised her needs in this way.

Traits are also magnified at times especially when under stress so what is “mild” at one point might not be at another time in life or even on any given today.

My DD can and does prepare her own food on regular basis and also cooks for others, and is an adventurous eater generally and competent in many areas of her life.

However, there are also times when things are hard for her, when I have to decide on the food and actually go in to her bedroom and sit with her and actually feed her as if she is a toddler, while she sits in her bed, or periods when she regresses to a very restricted range of foods.

This might be useful as a reference op

Sound like your dd is stressed. Poor thing is just a little overwhelmed. I’d go and check on her make sure she’s ok and remember tomorrow is a new day

It's not great at all she was stressed and upset and needed some downtime.

When I talked about more Input I meant generally compared with other teenagers, not specifically about her dinner.