To not give In-laws any Christmas presents

[Notagain1994]

Here's a few examples of the last few christmases

Christmas 1- got MIL/FIL/SIL/BIL presents that we had put a lot of thought into, stuff they'd mentioned they'd love but didn't get round to buying etc. MIL said "don't ever buy me cheap things again" - item was not cheap at all - it was something she had said she wanted. SIL re-wrapped the gift and gave it away. FIL said "why did you waste money? I didn't need it" - fair enough, he's quite a simple man i've now learnt. BIL loved his.

Christmas 2 - Instead of buying individual things, we got the family a card/box of chocolates, and a big candle. They weren't impressed but thanked us anyway

Christmas 3 - we got them a card/tin of biscuits and a chocolate box, and got a set of candles again as they're always burning them. They said "again? What are we going to do with this?"

We do not get a card or chocolates from them over Christmas at all. We don't expect gifts but would be nice to get some chocolates at least! AIBU to not give anything at all to them? As they've never been happy with what we get them?

MIL is generally quite abrupt and has made hurtful comments so nothing new in that sense but just want to know what you would do?

Honestly- why do you bother anymore? Especially if they don't make the effort for your family. I know you don't give to receive but they clearly don't care. Show them the same effort that they make for you.

You don’t get anything from them at all? Then no, I wouldn’t be buying gifts for them. Save your money and the environment and give them a ‘merry Christmas hug’ 🤣

If they don’t buy you gifts then it would be safe to assume they don’t expect anything back.

If someone is impolite, to the point of telling me not to buy them cheap gifts, they are immediately removed from the shopping list. They don't give you gifts, so I'd take that to mean that they don't wish to exchange gifts. Buy yourself some nice chocolates with the money, instead!

If they dare say anything, I'd tell them honestly that you thought they didn't want to exchange gifts and leave it at that.

Get them nothing and when they comment you can say "we never seem to get it right so thought we'd get you the same as you get us every year". Let them think on that.

What would I do? Sweet FA. The very best interpretation you can put on their behaviour is that they've told you very clearly they don't want anything.

Although, saying that, I might be tempted to buy them an Oxfam goat or a Water Aid diarrhea prevention kit, just to piss them off.

YANBU, but you'll probably make them happy not to exchange gifts anyway.

Most people are probably over the waste of time, money and resources that exchanging gifts with other adults who can generally buy what they want, when they want, within reason.

And if they can't, that's even more reason to stop exchanging gifts, to free the people who can't afford to exchange gifts from the obligation.

Just spend time with each other and bring wine, flowers,
or cake etc when you visit people.

Don't buy gifts OP they sound very ungrateful. If it makes you feel better you can always make a charity donation as they will definitely be appreciative.

They don't buy gifts and for three years they have asked you not to buy gifts. So don't buy gifts.

Tell them you are not doing gifts this year. You could ask if they would like to go out for lunch with you - your treat - (only if you want to). They can say yes of no. Job done.

Obviously stop buying these people gifts. They don’t get you anything, openly hate your gifts, yet you keep proffering up more stuff, how embarrassing. Match their energy.

I have a similar sort of thing with my ex in laws, who I love dearly, but who continue to buy me birthday and Christmas presents when I have explained to them that I don't buy any presents for any adults at all, apart from my DD. So I am embarrassed when they continue to buy me things and I really wish they wouldn't! I do however say thank you, and am very gracious about it. If I were you, I would stop buying and I expect they will be very pleased!

Why is this your problem? Leave it with DH to sort out - its his family!

Buy yourselves a gift instead. Add it to the pile of Christmas gifts.

If you (and your DH etc) don't get anything from them at all AND they've made all these comments making it clear your gifts aren't appreciate then of course don't keep buying for them! It sounds like they have set a boundary that they don't want to exchange gifts (in an incredibly rude and abrupt way!) - I definitely wouldn't ignore that. I would also give myself the gift of seeing them as little as possible from now on.

Yes I suppose I hadn't thought about it that way, the fact that they probably do not want gifts at all so we won't get them anything going forward. Could do without the rude comments from MIL but I should know better as it's not the first time. Thanks all. Will take your advice and stop all together

This ☝️

if they are not giving you gifts then there is no obligation for you to give gifts unless they are hosting Xmas in which case I would contribute fome food and drinks...

Oh buy them a charity gift like this one for trees and see what they make of that - at least if they hate it (which they probably will) you'll still know your money hasn't been wasted.
https://www.treeaid.org/all-gifts/iconic-baobab/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAr8eqBhD3ARIsAIe-buOIjeQPz5ICzeIo48POt84Kcy3D7Qjf8NxMAhtOL5lM2Piga0KotK4aAl3SEALw_wcB

Is a Merry Christmas hug like a Glasgow kiss?