Relationship Issues

[RebeccaRedhat]

I've been married for nearly 20 years and have 3 children aged 14,10 and 5. Pretty happy marriage, no issues, good lifestyle and my husband is a decent, hardworking, kind man.

The problem I'm having is that he can't leave me alone. He has to be touching me, groping me, being suggestive the whole time. I mean the WHOLE time. I'm grateful I'm Still desirable to him, but it's giving me the ick in a big way.

Some examples:
What do you fancy for dinner? I'll give you something for dinner (insert beavis and butthead style laughing).
Give us a flash, show me your boobies (this is constant, 20 times per day!), let me squeeze your bum.
I've booked to see santa for the kids- come bounce on my knee blah blah blah
I'm going on the shower - I'll come and watch
We need toothpaste on the shopping - I've got something you can put in your mouth instead

There is a million more examples!

The problem is by the time bed time comes around I'm so on edge and cringed out I don't want him to touch me. He's still like the 17 yr old lad I met, really immature, and I can't take it anymore. I've been asking him not to and removing his gropey hands for a while and he'll stomp off in a huff for a bit and then say/do something else again in half an hours time.

I'm often thinking of leaving him as I just can't bare it. Bit I really don't want to leave an otherwise good marriage. We work so well together as a team, our kids are smart, respectful, and well behaved, he's hands on and involved in everything to do with the children, the housework the pets, he doesn't go out with the lads more than a couple of times per year, and his hobby now involves the children.

Please help me! What would you do in this situation?

Have you actually said plainly; " These comments make you deeply unattractive to me. When you say them I do not want to have sex with you."?

It's a huge turn off. What did he say when you have raised it with him?

I think bromide in his dinner is the answer here

My ex was like that and dear lord was it annoying after the first 3 months. I have a pretty high sex drive but when every conversation ends up being about sex, it’s a non-starter. I could not speak seriously about anything with the man and not surprisingly, the relationship didn’t last. Well done for lasting 20 years!
I think if having conversation doesn’t work then unfortunately it means he is not remotely interested in you as a person and has no respect for your feelings which is not a good trait for a partner. On that basis alone, I would be questioning my marriage too.

Has he been like this every day for the last 20 years?
if so I would’ve spoke to him way before now.
make time for you and him and be blunt.
knock it off or else I’m walking

Has he always been like this? And how did you find it before? Whether it's new or old behaviour, I do think you need to talk about it but it might change the conversation somewhat depending on whether you've changed or he has.

I have said a number of times, and he goes off in a huff(like the 17 yr old boy I met!), sometimes he says nothing, other times he'll ask me if I want him to go away, usually I've said no, but will you just stop trying to touch me up, he does a huge sigh and leaves slamming doors behind him. More recently I've said yes to which he sighs and slams doors.
He has always been like this, and I've smiled through gritted teeth for about the last 10 years, I don't want to hurt him, but I feel I've grown up beyond that stage now.
I've thought of something else he does 10 times a day as well, if he comes for a hug, he has to rub his hands down thw 'side boob' so I can't even get a hug without being groped. The only time there's been any relief is when I had just given birth.

You have to talk to him. Properly. Not when he's doing it. But in a calm, measured way when you can discuss the issue. Tell him how you feel. Write it down if you have to.

But if he can't see why this doesn't work for you, you will have a bigger problem. sorry.

Start groping him by twisting his balls... Then ask him if he's in the mood...

This

I would have called time on this shitshow years ago. Tbh I don’t think he would have got a second date.

You need to demonstrate that you are serious. You aren’t a sex toy. If he can’t/won’t respect that, off he fucks.

Ugh my ex was like this. I could say something completely unrelated to sex, and he would find a way to make a sexual comment in response. Even worse he wasn't great in bed either. We broke up but remained friends and there would be times I would think maybe we could get back together but when he started doing that again, it confirmed to myself that we are best apart.

Ugh. What a sleazy creep

If he's always been like this and you've changed in how you see it, it needs expressing in clear terms.

If you do it outside the moment it will work better because there is not the possible element of rejection - people are not always at their best when a reasonable request comes with an accompanying emotional blow.