AIBU to be upset about my 40th Birthday

[Mamorau]

I was 40 earlier this year (May) and I’m feeling really fed up at the fact my family and friends haven’t bothered celebrating with me.

As a group of friends we always arrange a weekend away for each others special birthdays, I’m the 4th of out 5 in the group to reach 40 and we had a weekend away for the other 3 which I went along to but for my birthday since May there’s been what feels like excuses as to why we haven’t been able to get away, no free dates to suit everyone, can’t agree where to go etc. by now I’m feeling whats the point my birthday has been and gone.

Also my family as in parents and siblings seem to have forgotten it was a special birthday too, no meal out together, no cake, nothing. We always usually celebrate special birthdays, anniversaries etc. but then it is always me that makes the arrangements.

I feel like I spend all my time bending over backwards to make everyone else happy or help everyone but that doesn’t seem to be repriocated.

So AIBU to be upset by this?

Yanbu but you have to stop making so much effort when it isn't reciprocated. Either accept that you do it out of enjoyment and stop being resentful or don't do it at all. Next time it's someone's birthday don't do the running around upu normally would, send a gift card or text and leave it at that. Should anyone ask about meal out arrangements be upfront and honest and say that it's about time someone else started putting in effort to organise things and since noone could be bothered for yours you're not inclined to do the running around anymore. There will be some oushback from the lazy arses but some might realise that they've upset you and so they should. Personally if it was me I wouldn't hesitate to text my siblings and say that they had hurt me but I think being upfront is better than passive aggressive.

Yabu as it is now November.

yanbu as the family and friends were thoughtless 7 months ago.

stop organising things for others.

Not unreasonable at all. I literally had this on Friday with my 30th. I feel the same way and will no longer celebrate mine.

I won't mention it to friends or family that I'm upset, because I don't like confrontation and I hate to upset people!

Why would it be a confrontation?

It's your choice to take a passive role in your relationships rather than communicating your needs, but that will always lead to you being trampled on.

I thought it was more normal to plan your own birthdays and invite who you want to come? I booked an area in a bar in London and preordered some drinks and snacks. Then sent a WhatsApp to everyone a few weeks in advance.

Me and my friends same age do one big weekend a way for all of our big birthdays. Which we all organise.
Otherwise I just arrange what I want!