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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

at being bothered that a 6 year old asks me if I believe in Jesus?

22 replies

webchick · 11/03/2008 14:25

....in front of his Mum and several other people (his Mum is a strict Christian and has tried to get me involved in her church but I have always ducked out). I was a bit silenced and didn't know how to answer his rather probing question although at the age of 6 he is not to know how personal and private that is.

What bothered me more was that his Mum sat waiting for my reply and didn't suggest to her son that this type of question is not always appropriate to ask (whatever one's beliefs are).

OP posts:

meemar · 11/03/2008 14:29

What would you have said if your own dc had asked the question? That's probably the reply I would have given, just something age appropriate.

I can sympathise that it must have been a bit embarrassing in front of the other people (who were probably eagerly awaiting your answer )

Maybe the mum should have intervened, but as a strict Christian, maybe she didn't feel it was an inappropriate question.

beaniesteve · 11/03/2008 14:29

I would have said (assuming you don't) ... "I don't, some people don't believe there was a Jesus" ... if he's going to ask then his parents surely have to accept that he needs to know there are other beliefs and views out there.

suzywong · 11/03/2008 14:30

say NO
nor the tooth fairy

two birds
one stone

result

meemar · 11/03/2008 14:31

Anyway - Jesus did actually exist as a person (whether you believe he was son of god is another matter). So you could have truthfully answered yes!

GooseyLoosey · 11/03/2008 14:32

Wouldn't have bothered me - would have said that I did not believe. Not embarassed by non-belief and don't have a problem with anyone knowing about it, including a child and his parents.

Of more concern to me currently is the fact that dd has called one of her teddies "baby jesus". In a strongly atheist house, this is very disturbing!

WigWamBam · 11/03/2008 14:32

I don't think it's too inappropriate a question. Children are inquisitive, but because they don't find such questions embarrassing themselves, they don't understand that some people feel uncomfortable about them.

My feeling is that if a child asks a question it deserves an answer - but you don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. You can always tell him that some things are personal and you would rather not tell him what your beliefs are.

He would probably have been happy with a simple Yes or No though; you don't have to elaborate even if you do give a yes/no answer. You don't have to justify yourself - and he probably didn't want you to.

Why did you feel uncomfortable - because it was a six year old, or because it was in front of other people?

JingleyJen · 11/03/2008 14:38

I think that 6 year olds ask all sorts of questions.. and that being bothered by them is not necessarily reasonable.

What ever your answer as long as you tailor it to a 6 year old I don't think it is a problem.
Yes I do
No I don't think I do
I know that he was a man that lived a long time ago

What ever.. I am surprised it has bothered you this much?

loonicorn · 11/03/2008 14:41

I agree with WWB - it's not an inappropriate question for a 6yr old to ask - he is just being inquisitive, it's how he will learn. You wouldn't have had to go into detail - just be honest, whether his mum is a christian or not is irrelevant.

We are church goers and over the weekend one of the other members of the congreagation, who is a lot more conservative than us,invited us to lunch. Don't know how the subject of dying came up, but he was telling my DD (5) that 'you do know where you go when you die, don't you, you go to heaven', to which dd replied ' well only if you believe in God.I don't know, I'm not sure if God is true'. I thought it was great that she was so honest and was thinking things through for herself - he was a bit stunned! That's 5/6 year olds for you though, they don't have those inhibitions. That's whats so great about them!

Original poster

webchick · 11/03/2008 14:42

Thanks for the swift replies - I felt uncomfortable mainly because his Mum is v religious and I didnt want to squash her beliefs whilst answering her son and I then didnt want to go into a debate with her about it. So I said yes (you are right Meemar!) so he at least went away with a reply.

Looking back on it, I really don't think she thought it was an inappropriate question whereas I do.

Finally, I really like her as a friend but just wish she would drop the religious bit with me as I am just not going to go there.

OP posts:

mumofdjandp · 11/03/2008 14:50

Christians think that Jesus is the best news ever as when they believe in him he takes their sin so to speak and trades it with his rightousness so they can have a relationshop with god... so I know alot of christians think its imperative to tell others to give them the chance to hear the good news (technically before they die and its too late according to the bible).

Jesus' last commandment was to go into the world and preach the gospel so she prob cant help how in your face she is if you know what I mean (though it must be hard for you. Could you could be honest and say to her to not bring up religion please as you dont want to go there?

soph28 · 11/03/2008 14:54

We are a Christian family, my dc's are only little but I wouldn't mind at all if people gave them an honest (but age appropriate) answer to a question like that. I wouldn't worry about offending other people's beliefs- we all know that not everyone believes in the same things.

Her son wouldn't ask if you believed in Jesus if he thought you should say 'yes' he was obviously expecting a 'yes' OR a 'no' so whichever would have been fine.

Children are always asking questions like this, I don't think they are inappropriate. I have been asked all sorts of things by young children. It is much more embarrassing if they say something like, 'why is your tummy so big?' or 'what's that spot on your face?' etc. in front of others!

ChasingSquirrels · 11/03/2008 14:57

I don't understand what is inappropriate about it - I have asked this as an adult.

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 11/03/2008 15:00

You should have said, "No, I believe he is a societal construct designed to keep the people in their respective positions and accept life's injustices, a Marxist "Opiate of the masses" view, if you will."

But then if I don't want to answer a 6 year old's question I think you should make the answer as age-inappropriate as you can.

My ds would've nodded, said "Oh, right." and wandered off.

WigWamBam · 11/03/2008 15:03

His mum's beliefs wouldn't have been quashed by you saying you didn't believe. And maybe it would stop her from trying to get you involved in her church if she knew the truth.

He is old enough to know that different people believe different things, and at this age this is one of the questions which comes up over and over again. I have a six year old too, and over the past year she has started countless discussions about the subject - they start to get a lot of it coming up in school.

FAQ · 11/03/2008 15:06

what meemar said - plenty of secular evidence that he did exist.....the debate is whether he was the son of God or not

Fennel · 11/03/2008 15:08

I rather like 6 year olds because of their propensity to ask direct and possibly embarrassing questions. My 6yo is also very interested in questions of belief and religion, she knows that some people believe in Jesus (teachers, grandparents) and some (me, DP) don't. She also is aware that some people believe in Jesus as just a good man, some believe he's risen from the dead, and some just don't like the whole subject.

I have a long list of far more inappropriate questions than that which she's asked.

HonoriaGlossop · 11/03/2008 16:12

I think it's sad to see this as an inappropriate question, it's just a very basic simple question. And how are children to learn anything if they don't ask?

I did read what you said about not wanting to discuss this in front of his mother but you are entitled to your views and so is she.

i think the main thing here is that he is interested and feels able to ask questions and long may that continue for him

mumeeee · 11/03/2008 21:36

YABU,it's not an inappropiate question for a 6 year old to ask,

madamez · 11/03/2008 21:39

I'd have said, well he was a man who lived a long time ago and left it there. Mind you it;s a better question than 'Have you got a willy?'

Hulababy · 11/03/2008 21:40

I don't think it is an inppropriate question. I would have answered him as I would my own child.

kslatts · 11/03/2008 21:42

It wouldn't of bothered me, I would have just answered honestly.

AlistairSim · 11/03/2008 22:00

I'm with madamez on this.
I think Christian's seem to be a robust lot and can certainly cope with you saying "No".

It's also far better than "Has that man got a baby in his tummy?"

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