to ask if all hospitality managers are really rude!?

[Coastalwalks]

Morning all,

I am currently studying as I am undergoing a career change. I have started working a weekly brunch shift in a relatively 'naice' local restaurant. I haven't worked in hospitality for a few years (since I was a student really) but my previous 'professional' jobs have all been in corporate roles so I am not stranger to a stressful environment or brusque colleagues.

That said, I am agog at how rude my new manager is! She is frankly really, really rude. Other waitresses and waiters say it's how she speaks to everyone, and I wonder if I'm being a bit precious... but it really gets my goat! She recently said that my inability to uncork wine properly was 'embarrassing', that I have no 'elegance' when carrying empty glasses, and that I am 'running away' from doing the dinner shift because it's 'too hard'. I am a perfectly competent (if not amazing) waitress, and good with customers, but because this is her vocation she obviously takes it incredibly seriously (fair enough!) and so is consistently very critical (less so!)

When she is giving me an earful I just pull up my psychic zip and remind myself that this is her full-time job and vocation whereas it's just a temporary thing for me, so I should be more tolerant. But what irritates me is that she is completely unrestrained in her rudeness (!!!), whereas I restrain myself and don't say things like:

'Manager, I actually am quite elegant - whereas you are 5'2'

'No, manager, I will NOT go home and reflect on how I can adopt a 'systems approach' to waitressing'

'Manager, the staff turnover here is so high that you need me more than I need you, so put a sock in it'

'Manager, I do not care if my request to move shifts is inconvenient - it is YOUR job to manage this inconvenience'

YANBU - some hospitality managers are absolute dragons

YABU - you are a jumped up princess, go and scrub table 23

Hmm. Being 5'2 doesn't preclude elegance, and your comment about moving shifts makes you sound like the 'princess' - I'm going for six of one, half a dozen of the other!

Hmm, I actually don't think she sounds particularly rude. I'm not sure what her height has to do with anything either

Why are you asking for shift changes? If you're contracted certain shifts then she certainly doesn't need to accommodate your requests.

Yanbu - if she wants to start keeping her staff she should treat them better. Nobody will put up with that for minimum wage!

It's a zero hours contract - so the flexibility should work both ways. Maybe bringing height up because she has previously made derisive comments about me bending slightly to hear customers when taking their orders (I am very tall)

I spent most of my life working in hospitality and I can relate. It’s not just managers either. I held management positions as well and often found staff equally challenging . I think it is a culture problem. I left the sector 10 years ago to go to uni and held graduate jobs (in public sector), the difference in work culture is night and day. I should have done the switch a decade earlier. This is by no means a comment to belittle people working in hospitality, I don’t think they are uneducated or mean. I do think that there is an inherent culture which allows this conduct- high staff turnover means there are no implications for this behaviour, HR is often not great or overly helpful. I had the instances where HR would breach confidentiality (for example, report “antonymous staff interview” outcomes to higher management with exact details of who said what. It was also a policy in my workplace that the person raising complaint is the one being transferred to another branch/team so you would keep your mouth shut to avoid having to move. All of this breads poor conduct and lack of incentive to report issues.

If you're zero hours then you can just refuse shifts, you shouldn't need to ask for changes. Just say you're unavailable.

If that's annoying to her then I agree that's her issue to solve.

Of course no one group in employment is routinely rude.

However. Waiting and service is done better with refinement and attention to detail. In France waiters are trained for years. Here I often experience really clumsy and sloppy service from young staff with no sense of ‘refinement’. Why would you not listen, learn, and reflect?

If she runs a business of high standards it stands a better chance of doing well which is good for your future employment and hourly rate.

I think the issue with hospitality (and retail to an extent) is that for most people, it's a temporary job and as a result, they don't really give much of a shit and don't really take it seriously. No judgement, I was the same when I did it.

But I've also been on the management side and it can be pretty stressful when you don't actually have much power yourself, and you also have senior management and head office breathing down your neck constantly. It's not an excuse for rudeness but I've seen so many managers (myself included) burn out because of the pressure to please absolutely everyone.

Lol OP. Some posters are failing to see the humour in your post.

But yes some managers have the ability to be outstandingly rude and have overinflated ideas of their own self importance.

I would probably say: "can I have a word, <manager>, I'm finding some of the comments you are making about my work really quite unprofessional for example <list comments>; can you clarify how you meant it?"

But I am older now and have less fucks to give.

But depends on how much you need the job. You could said nothing, get another job and then tell the rude mare to stick it up her arse.

I also like the 5'2" comment.

She sounds rather unlikeable.

I have a DSIL like that so I need you to tell more of your Psychic Zip, please.

It's probably not so much what she says but how she says it.

Line other work up and bow out of this. It won't improve. I would imagine that you have more choices than she does. There is a reason why some workplaces have a high staff turnover.

I've worked in hospitality for all my life.
More recently the very long hours which is fine and all my colleagues took the job seriously (chefs).
There is nothing worse than a front of house casual employee messing up orders or not caring too much as it is not their real job the reputation of a restaurant depends on it.
Maybe this woman is over micromanaging you or maybe she just wants everything just so.
most places I've worked do tell it like it is and I just developed a thick skin.

Hmm, I don't know. She sounds a little rude, but then again you sound very dismissive of hospitality as a career. It sounds a bit like you think you're above this and are slumming it while you study. This probably comes across in the way you work and the way you take any feedback.

The 5'2" comment came across as very rude and unnecessary (from you) in the OP, but it made sense once you explained it further down. Maybe you're not great at communicating?

And TBH if you can't open a wine bottle that probably is a problem. It will either look really clumsy and embarrassing at the table, or your wasting wine by corking it, or someone else is having to do it for you.

@ellyoctober you have to literally imagine yourself pulling a zip up (like on a big chunky fleece) over your face when they're talking ! problem solved