High paying jobs

[Anna79ishere]

hello,
putting in Aibu as not sure where else.
my husband has a very high paid job but he travels 4 days a week nearly every week.
although we can afford help I am tired to be alone with the kids as the whole mental load is on me when he is away. I have also a very high demanding job where I work 12-15 hours a day albeit for much less pay.
I really would like him to be home more but he says he can’t find any job with the same salary that does not involve travelling.
is it true? Anyone who has a very well paid job who does not travel every single day?

Of course there will be. But that doesn't mean those jobs are suitable for your husband. What is his job now?

Agree with the PP - it'll depend on the job and just how high paying it needs to be? What's the job role?

Maybe he enjoys his job? If you can afford to outsource then its a no brainer to do that. Get yourself a PA, a cleaner, whatever.

Unless you tell us what his job is, what his salary is and what the travel is for, we can’t really answer your question.

As PPs say, type of job is very relevant here. It won’t help you much if DP is a travelling salesman and posters tell you about their high paying jobs which involve no travel such as consultant surgeon 😁

You work a 15 hour day? Why?

You work 15 hours per day?!? or do you mean 15 hours per week?

how much help do you have in the house? I'd expect a nanny, cleaner and gardener if his job pays that well. then you could treat the mental load like a job (sit down and do it for a few hours) and lean on other friends / family for support and adult conversation too.

What are his skills and industry?

What do you class as 'very high pay?'

Is this a real post???

Why are you working so much if the salary is so good? Who looks after the kids?

I certainly wouldn't be working those hours with no one to help with the kids. I assume you have a nanny? I earn a lot and don't travel that much but I don't know how that's going to help given your husband might be a consultant working on different client sites.

what does he do and how much does he earn?

Yes you just apply for "high paying job" (thousands advertised right now on Linkedin) and add qualifications "want lots of money please" and "WFH preferred" at the bottom of your CV. They just give them out.
🙄

Do you really work 12-15 hours a day? That is about as demanding as it gets. There would literally be no time for anything other than work - the nanny, housekeeper etc would need to do everything if your husband is always away.

The best paid job I've had was an international job where I was out of the country every other week. It wasn't good for my relationships but that's why it was highly paid.

It depends what your dh does, but it is perfectly possible he's right.

Why are you working 12-15 hours per day? Unless you are working for yourself, from home, that's unsustainable and in many professions it's uninsurable as well.

Why are so many people being mean to someone who is clearly exhausted, frustrated and looking for a bit of support?

RE The OP working 15 hour days, I don't work 15 hours a day, but I work with a lot of people who do this as standard. It's more common in senior roles than people realise.... from headteachers to CEOs of PLCs...

I have found women in high paid jobs work particularly long hours, and my hunch is that this is because that is what has got them those roles. They have to outperform men significantly to get to where they have got, and then it just becomes normal to them.

As to your husband OP - yes it's really hard when both of you have big jobs. It would be great if he didn't travel so much- has he reached a stage where he could start positioning for more NED roles etc? Things can calm down a bit when you get to that stage...
but I don't know any consultants that don't travel a lot.

If I had been married to a high Warner while I had kids, I would have been tempted to take a break, just enjoy life and family a bit, but I know it can be hard to get back in after...

Good luck

what do you do to be going a 15 hour day?? That would be like 6. -9 at night? I wouldn’t be complaining about the husbands workload if you do this much?

I was in a similar situation to you but gave up the big job and now am a SAHM. It’s alright but not
a walk in the park and sometimes I badly regret not keeping up my career. But DH is far more driven than I am, with far greater earning potential, and far less natural interest in child-rearing. He pulls his weight at weekends with housework.

As pp have said, how integral to your DHs job type is travel? And does he enjoy the travel part? Lots of people enjoy working internationally and he might not wish to give that up.

I do feel for you. It’s very difficult parenting solo with a big job as well. Hats off to you for doing it. It sounds like it’s time to outsource as many jobs as possible - housekeeper/ cleaner, nanny, gardener, etc, and get him to review what DH commits to the family, too. good luck x

I was in a similar situation and the truth is I nearly burnt out. When one parent is absent 90 per cent of the time , the other has to be present 100
per cent of the time . Even with a lot of help and childcare, children still need a parent.
the solution for me was to give up my career and focus on my kids.
not ideal , as I lost a lot of my independence , but I didn’t want my children growing up without a parental presence.
is tough , and you do need to change your set up I think.

This isn’t going to help much unless you tell us what your husband does/earns.

It’s pointless people replying saying they are an employment lawyer or neurosurgeon when that isn’t something your husband is qualified in.

What are his qualifications/experienc. Does he earn £50k, £100k, £500k, more?

You working 12-15 hours a day sounds like a recipe for disaster!

If you work 12-15h a day and are alone with your kids- are you a childminder? Why be a childminder, when your DH earns a lot? Your post doesn't make sense, sorry!