I’ll try not to ramble on too much. Ex-DP and I split up a couple of years ago, we have DS(5). We live far apart but are relatively amicable and both prioritise DS so ex visits every couple of weeks and stays with us and vice versa.
There’s been a row tonight, DS hit out at ex as he walked past him, just boisterous no bad intent but I guess caught him awkwardly and really hurt him. Ex immediately hit back, not hard but enough to made DS jump and burst into tears. I want to be clear that we are both completely against smacking, this definitely doesn’t qualify as a smack, it was just a reaction. Ex appeared to be quite badly hurt. It was almost more of a push away than hitting but DS was very upset.
DS is very strong willed as is ex and they ended up shouting at each other and ex stormed off downstairs. We normally put DS to bed together and lay with him, read etc, til he’s asleep.
DS wanted his daddy to come back so went down and asked him to come up, he apologised for hurting daddy. I said “I’m sure daddy will apologise to you too” at which point ex said he wasn’t going to apologise, not til tomorrow when he’ll have a talk to DS about what happened. This lead to another shouting match between then. I try not to undermine ex in front of DS but did say “come on that’s not fair”, ex said I had to let him handle this even if I didn’t ageee. He did lay next to DS til he was asleep but basically refusing to talk to him, didn’t even say goodnight.
I think this is grossly unfair for several reasons. Firstly he’s setting the wrong example by refusing to apologise til the next day, secondly I think letting a child go to bed knowing a parent is angry with them is unfair and thirdly ex constantly encourages rough play including lots hitting (DS hitting ex, ex never hits DS even in play). Ex has said to DS a few times that he must not hit anyone “there” because he’s don’t it a couple of times in play fights but a 5 yr old isn’t always going to remember.
AIBU?