To be worried about this woman?

[keepingmybeakout]

So I have a work colleague who is 18, I am..well quite a bit older but we get on great and she's the sweetest.

She's been mentioning her new male 'friend' recently and I'm getting increasingly worried and disturbed by what I'm hearing.

1. They didn't mutually decide they were dating - he TOLD her that they were and that she was his gf now.

1. She has her own place and he has moved himself in without asking her and without being asked.

1. He has said he would 'top himself' if they weren't together.

1. He gets upset if she wants to go out with her friends/wears make up or clothes he considers too revealing. Asks her who she is trying to impress etc etc.

1. She shows up to work with visible lovebites. Not necessarily a red flag but seems given the other things like a stamp of ownership.

All of this seems like MASSIVE red flags and I am honestly so scared for her. She is quite 'young' for her age and by her own admission quite naive and vulnerable having had bad relationship experiences in the past.

I have had a number of abusive relationships in my past so I'm thinking these are all glaringly obvious awful things and she should run far and fast from this guy before she ends up abused, with a cocklodger or worse. But realistically I know even if I am right I can't do anything about it and since I don't know this guy at all other than what I've heard from others I could well be projecting my own issues with men, relationships and past traumas on them. It's playing on my mind, what she could potentially be walking in to. All the pain he could be setting her up for.

Aibu to be worried? Am I just being overprotective because of my own past?

Id be worried too he sounds like a narcissist. She's 18 though and old enough to make her own decisions so not sure what you can do except have a word and raise your concerns with her

No I think you are bang on. Try and have a chat with her out of work to see how she truly feels. Advise her about DV charities and help she can get to get rid of him if she wishes to do so. How did she meet him? Is he older than her?

No, I think it sounds very dodgy. However, you may have an uphill struggle to convince her to think again if she is either taken in by him or scared of him. Maybe tell her about your own experience if you feel able to and perhaps she will draw her own parallels.

I think he is a very similar age to her, maybe a little older but not significantly so.

I think what also makes me so wary about the whole situation is that she seems really unenthusiastic about it all! Almost like she is just going along with whatever he wants because she enjoys the fact that he likes her so much and wants her so badly. She doesn't seem that invested in him and acts quite uncomfortable about the fact that he has moved himself in so soon and (in her words) 'dropped the L bomb' after a very short time of dating.

He could just be young and naive himself and caught up in the rush of his first proper romantic relationship where it feels so all consuming and intense. But I just can't shake the feeling that it's something more sinister and he is manipulating her into what he wants her to be regardless of whether or not it's what she actually wants.

This has just popped in my feed, I know it’s months old.

I really hope the situation resolved positively for your friend OP.

It’s so frightening to know there are ppl brazen enough to act like this by preying on shyer ppl who can’t say no or protect themselves and take over their lives. Usually it’s older ppl living alone.

I hope she’s alright!

So upsetting to read. @keepingmybeakout i hope she dumped him?!

This sounds like my situation when I was 18. Only one person tried to warn me - a man, who I assumed wanted to go out with me himself, so i didn't listen. I wish someone had convinced me that I had a choice. You could be that person for your colleague. Of course, she may not listen. But 18 is so young! Are they using contraception? I see this is an old thread. I hope she's found the courage/strength to throw him out! But she may need help with this. As I said, I was in a similar position. I got out eventually, with the help of a friend who took me in until exbf had moved back in with his mum. I couldn't have done it without her help.