Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To divorce over this.

10 replies

Moreveganice · 11/11/2023 15:16

DH has lost his job - again. He has been sacked for making mistakes and not engaging with the disciplinary process. He didn’t mention anything until a week after he finished ( when he couldn’t hide it anymore as I was off sick for a week following an operation)

It is not the first time he’s been sacked. It’s also not the first time he has tried to hide it from me.

He is the main earner in our household. He has high spending habits. But we now need to tighten our belts and live off my income.

Am completely livid. The lying The timing. All of it.

I just want out of this situation. But it’s so tricky with the precarious financial situation and managing the kids. ( at least till I am back on my feet after the op). Aibu to kick him out? ( his mum is dying. His mental health is in the bin. And he has no income…)I just don’t know what the fuck to do.

OP posts:
Draculina · 11/11/2023 15:26

It sounds like your husband is irresponsible, and that he has issues with taking accountability for himself. If it's an on-going pattern of his to be reckless, to not disclose important information to you, and to make no genuine effort to change, then, honestly? Yeah, I think you're right to consider leaving him.

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 11/11/2023 15:35

If his Mum really is dying and his mental health is poor I think YABU to kick him out immediately. But as there is a pattern here you’d certainly not be to start planning for your future possibly without him.

Blondebutnotlegally · 11/11/2023 15:52

I mean, I get being livid and terrified of the financial repercussions. But if I had been sacked, my mental health was spiralling and my mum was on the brink of death I'd probably be pretty upset if my husband were so unconcerned about me and debating kicking me out.

I don't know what the answer is, but he clearly needs help. Is the marriage in the bin otherwise?

something2say · 11/11/2023 15:57

Yeah put him in another room, cool off, and plan your exit. Can't fancy a man who is a baby and irresponsible.

Original poster
Moreveganice · 11/11/2023 15:57

Yes in the bin. I was ready to end it 6 months ago but backed off when his mum became ill.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 11/11/2023 16:11

I don’t think you can hold off because his mum is unwell. There’s always going to be something going on which will make you hesitate. The mh makes me wonder, tho. I think if a bloke came on here and said my wife has lost her job, her mh is shot, there’d be an outcry if divorce was mentioned. However, he’s lied, sounds like he’s done this to himself by not engaging with due processes, so I’m feeling little sympathy.

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/11/2023 16:31

YANBU. He needs to go.
Firstly because he sounds flaky, irresponsible and not reliable and you can't plan a life with someone like this.
And secondly and probably most importantly of all because it's deceitful. He tried to hide from you the fact that he had jeopardised your financial stability because he didn't have the balls to tell you.
I was married to someone like this: he chucked in a perfectly good job because he wanted to start his own business when we had a two year old and I was being made redundant. I wouldn't have minded if he'd planned it properly but he had no plan, no savings to back it up and did it without consulting me first. It was the final nail in the coffin (there were other issues but that was definitely the most significant).
You can't build a life with someone who isn't accountable for their actions and whom you don't trust.
The thing about his mum is unfortunate but as @Cherrysoup points out there will always be something. None of his justifies his behaviour.

pomers · 11/11/2023 17:37

Get rid. My first husband was like this. Being dismissed, often engineering it himself if he did nor like the job. Lying; expecting me to pick up the pieces. The insecurity, humiliation and lying just got too much. It will not get any better.

pomers · 11/11/2023 17:39

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/11/2023 16:31

YANBU. He needs to go.
Firstly because he sounds flaky, irresponsible and not reliable and you can't plan a life with someone like this.
And secondly and probably most importantly of all because it's deceitful. He tried to hide from you the fact that he had jeopardised your financial stability because he didn't have the balls to tell you.
I was married to someone like this: he chucked in a perfectly good job because he wanted to start his own business when we had a two year old and I was being made redundant. I wouldn't have minded if he'd planned it properly but he had no plan, no savings to back it up and did it without consulting me first. It was the final nail in the coffin (there were other issues but that was definitely the most significant).
You can't build a life with someone who isn't accountable for their actions and whom you don't trust.
The thing about his mum is unfortunate but as @Cherrysoup points out there will always be something. None of his justifies his behaviour.

Yes, mine decided to start his own business when I was on maternity leave then asked for the money I had saved to buy a burger van. He was most put out when I declined. I just want to scream when I read these stories as it brings it all back

Blondebutnotlegally · 11/11/2023 21:05

Moreveganice · 11/11/2023 15:57

Yes in the bin. I was ready to end it 6 months ago but backed off when his mum became ill.

Ah goodness well that obviously changes things. Your purpose in life is not to keep someone else afloat

New posts on this thread. Refresh page