Can I just throw his stuff outside and not let him in?

[whatamess11]

I’m recovering from cancer surgery last week. I’m cohabiting with my ex (never married) and 5yo. We bought the house together and I intend to buy him out. My ex refuses to move out until we agree a figure and I give him the money. I’m willing to do this but my recent health issues have obviously limited my available energy and focus. Our finances are complex and involve more than one mortgage.

This Thursday he went out for a meal, got unbelievably drunk, came home and was sick all over our daughter’s floor and bed whilst she was in it. He threw a rug and clothes he’d puked out of the front window and left them there while our friends walked past on the school run. I’m so ashamed.

I want him out immediately. He is dirty and does the bare minimum of housework (dishwasher, floor sweep is about it). Beard hairs in bathroom, doesn’t do laundry or wipe down kitchen surface etc. I’m exhausted and can’t stand it anymore and have said so but he is refusing to leave until I pay.

Can I just bag his stuff up, leave it outside and lock the doors?

For extra context, at the end of summer he experienced a truly awful tragedy in his family and is grieving. I did support him through this by looking after our girl and house. Prior to my diagnosis I didn’t mind but feel he is now just taking the piss.

YABU-you can’t just throw him out, he has a right to live there.
YANBU-his behaviour is unacceptable and you don’t have to tolerate this for another second. Chuck him out.

Really not sure of the legal issues so just wanted to post my sympathy. You might look into having him evicted depending on the rules about cohabiting/shared tenancy.

Thanks. That’s why I’m posting. Hoping to find some advice on where I’d stand legally now his behaviour is intolerable.

What a tosser (literally. Sorry).
I don’t think you can chuck him out sadly.
Is he ashamed of his behaviour in any way?!!!

You might ask to have this moved to the legal section of mumsnet. You posted under AIBU and so that is the kind of answer you will get.

It's his house too so the only way is to buy him out or sell it. Sorry.

You poor thing. You can ask him to stay away but legally he owns half the house so you can’t throw him out or change the locks unfortunately. He sounds like he’s in a mess, is he just drunk and inconsiderate or is he violent? If he’s just wrapped up in his own grief then best sort it out via lawyers and try to grit your teeth until you have the house in your own name.

I would get the locks changed and have his possessions bagged for collection & worry about the consequences

Anyone who is so drunk they throw up over their daughters bed & bedroom would be out before their feet could touch the ground, it's gross behaviour & child abuse

I'd tell him I had footage of the evening & will post it on social media channels if he starts being a git about it all.

Yes he says he is ashamed.

If he owns the house then you can't throw him out, no. It would be illegal and he could go to the police to regain entry.

He isn’t violent and never would be. But he is selfish and untidy. Lives like it is a hotel.

Get yourself a solicitor and do it via this route. Don't give him any money that's not gone via a solicitor. Get 3 valuations and go for the middle one, that way you can agree the amount fairly.

I don't think you can kick him out of the house belongs to him also.

It's not worth the risk. There's only one way and that's the legal way. But can you talk to a family member and ask if you could stay with them until it's sorted, or one of his family and plead with them to take him in?

This can't be helping your recovery.

Absolutely terrible advice

No, you can’t throw him out and conversely, he can’t throw you out. The house is jointly owned.

Well technically she could get an occupancy order as another way to get him out of the house - but without any domestic abuse that would not be granted as it’s a pretty high bar- untidy isn’t going cut it, so yes legally he as a right of entry until it’s sold or you buy him out.

I am very sorry you are going through this at this specific time but you need to start being practical. PP is correct in that the legal system expect a minimum of three valuations and chose the mean from them, then you need to raise the funds or sell it and split the profit. Get a solicitor involved so it is all above board.

Use what little energy you have in a targeted way, do you have family/friends who would call the EA, make appointments and show them around? The sooner you start, the sooner he is out.

And console yourself with the thought that if you can't throw him out, then he can't throw you out either.

EDIT Well technically she could get an occupancy order as another way to get him out of the house - but without any domestic abuse that would not be granted as it’s a pretty high bar-
Exactly, no point mentioning it because she doesn't qualify for it. Waste of typing/post.

Yes, you are legally allowed to throw him out. But equally he is legally allowed to throw you out first. Just hope he doesn’t read this thread and get ideas!

I’ve got nobody near enough that I could go to.
His family are all struggling with grief at the moment too but he could stay with one of them.

He could, but I don’t blame him for not wanting to do so, just because you want him to go.

If I half owned a house, I wouldn’t be leaving either.

To update: He is downstairs. I’ve exhausted because have been washing the carpet and cleaning sick off our girl’s stuff and it’s taken me most of the day. He hasn’t even acknowledged it and has barely spoken. I can’t stand this much longer. I don’t know where they are going to sleep because there is only one bed and I’m in it. So so sad.

His behavior is odd. Has he always been like this or is hr decompensating? Erratic behavior, weird choices, depression, substance abuse: is he uncommunicative or catatonic? Maybe he needs to be sectioned and evaluated?

I’d say this is typical. He can drink a lot. He is usually avoidant of difficult topics. We went to a relationship counsellor prior to splitting who said his behaviour was abusive but he doesn’t really recognise himself doing it and has never apologised. He went to see a counsellor this week.