Is it OK to not want contact with this man again. Ever?

[Fantasia99]

And I mean to not be in the same room as him? My ex, raped me resulting in my son being conceived. Abusive beyond belief. Emotional, sexual, harassment etc etc. All proven apart from the rape in family courts. He wasn't allowed access for years until he did a domestic abuse perpetrator programme. All nonsense and so many lies still being told. He's having contact with our son now in a contact centre for an hour a fortnight. They're talking about us eventually being able to do handovers without the help of the contact centre or third party to make everything 'easier for our son'. AIBU to dispute this and state that I never, ever want to see him again? Even seeing his car now makes me want to curl up into a ball. I am traumatised and don't think it's reasonable to expect me to see him. Any opinions?

Repeat as above

because absolutely grounds

say you have very real fear of this man.

do you have a third party that could oversee the change over?

I don't understand how this thing has been given access to your son. Conceived by rape? Surely you have some legal redress?

Can you challenge the access in any way. It would be better for your DC never to see him too. Sorry OP this must be a horrible situation. You are 100% right not to want to see him again and you shouldn't have to. What about your mental health and that of your dc. Disgusting decision.

He raped you. Was that taken to court abd he was found not guilty or did they say not enough evidence?

They can’t make you do that. Tell them you’re not prepared to accept any contact he can utilise to further abuse you. Add that you think it would be detrimental to your parenting to do so as it would negatively impact your mental health so it would not in fact benefit your son. Also ask them how giving your son the message that you have to appease a perpetrator of abuse against you will benefit his understanding of healthy relationships and setting boundaries etc. If he wants contact the responsibility is on him to identify an appropriate person to do handover.

I just want to run away and hide if I see my stbxh. He subjected me to years of verbal abuse, so I can understand how much worse it is for you.

I did private therapy and it was suggested that I have CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder). I am currently seeking help from the GP for this.

I think you should just refuse to be put in a situation where you have to see him.

But also if you go to your GP you will get help dealing with this past trauma, which it sounds like you need. You can self refer to the NHS italk (italk.org.uk).

It may even be possible that your GP or a CPTSD diagnosis would mean that you can feel confident that this situation will never arise again.

Only family courts. Police wouldn't proceed because of lack of evidence.

The problem is he lives 150+ miles away and has to come here for contact. I can't find someone who can reliably be free every other Saturday of the year. Son is only 5 so can't even just drop him out of the car somewhere. They're trying to find an easy way to continue contact but one that is to my detriment. They even want me to use an app to communicate with him.

No no no. You are NOT being unreasonable at all. You stick to your guns. Your sons health and happiness will be hugely impacted by you having to act in ways that are detrimental to your wellbeing and mental health. HE should surely be the one having to find an alternative reliable contact person to pick up your son… although it sickens me that people like him have any “rights” upheld anyway. It’s all shitty and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.

Will contact always be in a contact centre for one hour twice a month?

usually there is a plan for this to change rather than a permanent arrangement.

They can keep trying to find one that doesn’t involve you then. Have you got a domestic abuse worker to advocate for you?