Husband work colleague Messages

bearandbee87 · 2023-11-10T19:51:22+00:00

hi first time posting here 4 years ago my husband had been messaging a work colleague with no direct need too asking how they were and thus was during the time the female was off sick so no actual need to contact her i was upset at the messages even though not sexual fast forward four years and I have seen messages from husband to the same colleague latest one “ I’d do anythjng for you” in response to a favour he says there’s nothing In it, sworn only work colleague business advice please? feeling hurt.

lizkt · 10/11/2023 19:53

Oof, emotional affair

Lochness1975 · 10/11/2023 19:53

I’m not surprised you are hurt. I would say there’s more to this sorry

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/11/2023 19:54

He is having at the very least an emotional affair with this woman.

Someone who is faithful to and loves his wife does not message female colleagues saying he would do anything for them.

This has been going on (maybe on and off) for several years.

I'm sorry, OP. He's cheating, or at the very least trying to cheat.

What's your exit strategy?

Missgemini · 10/11/2023 19:55

Yeah, “I’d do anything for you” is very suspicious. I don’t even say that to my loved ones!

Original poster

bearandbee87 · 10/11/2023 19:58

thank you I have just had a baby

Feeling very hurt and vulnerable so thank you for responding it’s not just me

dont think I can forgive tbh, have spent the week not being able to eat and feeling down

OP posts:

Pigeonqueen · 10/11/2023 19:59

Yeah I doubt he’d be saying that to Derek from accounts. I’d be furious.

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/11/2023 20:04

I'm sorry, OP, it shitty and at a time when you are feeling vulnerable.

I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself right now: if you've just had a baby you need to put yours and the baby's needs first. But I would start thinking about your strategy for getting out of this relationship. This is not a man who has your back and who you want as a father for your child. In a way (and I know it won't feel like this now), you're lucky you've discovered this early on: you have a decent shot at moving on and extricating him from your family setup without causing too much trauma and difficulty for your LOL

Have you talked to any family or close friends about this? Is there anywhere you could go in the short term just to give yourself some headspace?

What's your home/work situation? I assume you're not working at the moment but do you have a job to go back to at some point?

You do need to get out when you have a chance to think about it. You can't stay with a man like this.

halloweenn · 10/11/2023 20:08

To be honest I think you’re over reacting.

Do you have a job? As male or female, it’s normal to wonder if a colleague who is off sick or not at work is okay. I have sat next to men and women at work who might then message me if I’m not in the office like “where are you?” It doesn’t mean we’re having an affair. It’s just noticeable that I’m not present at work because we sit together and work closely together so usually we’d give each other the heads up if we’re on annual leave. Plus I never take time off work sick, so my absence is noticeable. You’d wonder too why someone you’re friendly with at work hasn’t been in a while.

Saying “I’d do anything for you” isn’t indicative of an affair either. There’s work that I hate doing but I might do it if a mate asked me to as a favour, hence “I’d do anything for you” in a “you’re lucky we’re mates” way. It doesn’t equal sex

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/11/2023 20:14

@halloweenn

Saying “I’d do anything for you” isn’t indicative of an affair either. There’s work that I hate doing but I might do it if a mate asked me to as a favour, hence “I’d do anything for you” in a “you’re lucky we’re mates” way. It doesn’t equal sex.

Nah. Sorry. I have half a dozen male colleagues who I've known for years and consider close friends. I go out with them sometimes and my partner is fine about. I message them out of hours sometimes. I would never message them to say "I'd do anything for you."

It's crossing all sorts of boundaries. And the OP's husband knows it upsets the OP. If he had any respect for her he would have cut the crap after the first time she asked him to stop.

Before someone goes off onto a cool girl thing about men and women being able to be friends yes of course they can. But saying "I'd do anything for you" to a close colleague of the opposite sex crosses a line.

Itsallsostressful · 10/11/2023 20:14

I would think it's pretty normal to message a colleague who was off sick to see how they were it's a nice thoughtful thing to do be they male or female. The 'anything for you' could be funny or sarcastic or anything else. I understand you are feeling fragile and vulnerable but I think there are some over reactions here !!!

Bellaballs · 10/11/2023 20:14

Did you see the other messages ?

This is probably something I would say to both male and female colleagues I'm friendly with , anything for you ! In a friendly, supportive way . There might be more to it, but maybe not.

IhearyouClemFandango · 10/11/2023 20:17

Itsallsostressful · 10/11/2023 20:14

I would think it's pretty normal to message a colleague who was off sick to see how they were it's a nice thoughtful thing to do be they male or female. The 'anything for you' could be funny or sarcastic or anything else. I understand you are feeling fragile and vulnerable but I think there are some over reactions here !!!

I'm kind of landing in this boat at the moment, unless there is more to it...change in behaviour etc.

halloweenn · 10/11/2023 20:22

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/11/2023 20:14

@halloweenn

Saying “I’d do anything for you” isn’t indicative of an affair either. There’s work that I hate doing but I might do it if a mate asked me to as a favour, hence “I’d do anything for you” in a “you’re lucky we’re mates” way. It doesn’t equal sex.

Nah. Sorry. I have half a dozen male colleagues who I've known for years and consider close friends. I go out with them sometimes and my partner is fine about. I message them out of hours sometimes. I would never message them to say "I'd do anything for you."

It's crossing all sorts of boundaries. And the OP's husband knows it upsets the OP. If he had any respect for her he would have cut the crap after the first time she asked him to stop.

Before someone goes off onto a cool girl thing about men and women being able to be friends yes of course they can. But saying "I'd do anything for you" to a close colleague of the opposite sex crosses a line.

It really doesn’t. Are you always this dramatic?

you’ve never had someone say “anything for you!” to you? Not even people at a shop or cafe? It means nothing. Stop trying to act like it’s code for “I’m deeply in love with you please marry me”

Mrsttcno1 · 10/11/2023 20:25

Messaging a colleague who is off sick to ask how they are is no big deal at all in my opinion, happens quite a lot amongst my colleagues and in every place I’ve worked, it’s just reaching out to be nice.

The “anything for you” depends on the context really, it could definitely be a jokey/sarcastic “anything for you”, as others have said used quite often as a “you’re lucky we’re mates” type of thing

Itsmehi222 · 10/11/2023 20:30

Some of the replies on here are utter batshit.

There’s no way PPs would be saying this if it was a wife saying this to a colleague.

An ‘emotional affair’ because someone said ‘I’d do anything for you’? Give me a break.

Turquoise123 · 10/11/2023 20:31

I would always contact a colleague who is sick to ask them how they are -this is normal. If someone is really unwell there could be lots of messages- again normal. Today I messaged someone and asked if they had time to speak to me - their response was “ I always have time for you “. Again - normal . So on the basis of what you have written I am not seeing a problem. Wishing you well and hope this all blows over

Its5656 · 10/11/2023 20:35

Turquoise123 · 10/11/2023 20:31

I would always contact a colleague who is sick to ask them how they are -this is normal. If someone is really unwell there could be lots of messages- again normal. Today I messaged someone and asked if they had time to speak to me - their response was “ I always have time for you “. Again - normal . So on the basis of what you have written I am not seeing a problem. Wishing you well and hope this all blows over

This is what I was going to say.
Is there any other reason why you think something is going on op?
How's your marriage in general, does he have history of being a dick that might have caused insecurity?

PaperDoIIs · 10/11/2023 21:25

Is there a reason why you're so insecure? Does he have form for this ? Is there anything else besides this one exchange and the one 4 years ago?

Songbird54321 · 10/11/2023 21:51

I have a male manager. He's quite frankly a prick most of the time but obviously I generally do what I'm asked. Because I'm a sarcastic sod I have, on occasion, responded 'anything for you Dave' when asked to do something. Absolute zero chance of an affair happening between us.
But from your post it doesn't sound like that was the kind of situation this was. From my experience I say trust your gut. Mine rarely fails me. In fact the opposite, I tend to fail my gut by ignoring it.