For refusing to take anti depressants while TTC after multiple miscarriages?

[covidisback]

I'm....struggling. I get waves of depression wash over me for no reason at all. My life is perfectly fine from the outside but I just get sad. Sometimes it lasts hours sometimes days.

To be honest I've not been 'happy' for a while.

But I don't want medication. I've had it b fire and it helped, but I'm really worried about TTC while taking them and continuing through my pregnancy but I also want to feel good especially given multiple miscarriages the pregnancy may never even be.

What should I do, AIBU to stay off meds given how I feel?

A doctor once told me that exercise produces results as good as antidepressants. Is this an option for you?

I take a number of medications for bipolar disorder and have had 3 children with no problems

Honestly? Is it the right time to upturn your life and bring a new baby into it if your mental health is not as it should be?

in all kindness, it turns your life upside down and could make depression much worse

@Summerishere123 I exercise lots - it helps massively but not enough to squash these feeling long term. It may help for an hour or two but when days are I'm not able to exercise it's a horrible feeling

@UpUpUpU I've wondered the same, but I also don't think it's fair to say don't have kids if you have me tap health issues because it's a medical condition like anything else. Would you say the same if I had one leg, or another illness?

Also, for some having children helps their mental health. For others, having kids gives them depression they never knew they had. My point, I don't think you can tell if it'll improve or decrease your standard of living based on my observations. But then again I'm not a parent so parents please feel free to give me your opinions on this? Or your experiences?

Did kids make your mental health better or worse?

Yes, you are being unreasonable. There is no link between infertility and SSRIs but there is a link between infertility and depression

What are your reasons for not wanting to take antidepressants? Are you worried about impacting fertility? Worried about the impact on the baby?

As far as I'm aware the picture is mixed as to whether antidepressants affect fertility: there are some links with some classes of antidepressants but it's by means certain that they would impact your fertility.

Have you talked to your doctor about your specific concerns?

Worth being aware also that pregnancy and having a newborn can be one of the most stressful times in a woman's life: trying to get your MH sorted before you TTC is probably a good idea.

@covidisback

Did kids make your mental health better or worse?

It's hard to answer that question with a simple black/white answer but I certainly would not go into TTC assuming that having a baby will "fix" depression.

Having a baby is stressful and demanding and can put an awful toll on mental health. Even if you're in rude mental health you are looking at years of poor sleep, exhaustion and upending your life in ways which can be extremely stressful. Your relationship with your partner is likely to suffer, at least in the short term. If you work, it will impact your job. It will impact your social life, your relationship with your family, everything. It's like dropping a bomb into your life.

That doesn't mean it's not worth doing, obviously. But you should try to make sure your mental health is as robust as it can be before going into it and don't see having a baby as a magic wand which will get rid of your problems.

On balance, I'd rather take the antidepressants and face a theoretical risk of some loss of fertility than get pregnant when you're already prone to depression.

I think you need to sit down with your gp and talk this through because hopefully it'll give you some reassurance that your medication is fine to take while ttc or if there are valid concerns then you can discuss different approaches you can try while the gp monitors you.

I would say that in some respects having ds has improved my mh in that I work to much more of a set routine now than I ever would have before and that works well for me... however it's also incredibly tough and draining at times and I need to be mindful of how I replenish my resilience.

I grew up with a parent who had mh challenges and they did not cope well with being a parent and it was very hard on us all. It took me a long time to decide whether or not to have children because of it. I have had a lot of therapy to unpack that to make sure that I'm in a place where I can meet ds needs and tbh i think that's the difference because my mum was never prepared/ felt able to do any work on herself through therapy or similar. I guess at least if you know this about yourself in advance, then you would hopefully be more aware than most of how important it is for you to be continually working to protect and enhance your mh and engage with the right services to do that. Because the hormones can be very overwhelming and it really isn't always rational. So you need good coping skills and a good support network when you're exhausted and alone and trying to calm a child with colic 2 hrs into continuous screaming. Obviously not every child will do that but mine did nearly every night for 3 hrs.

I would also say that it's more common for parents who have had pre existing mh conditions to have ppd, and its more common for women who've had a difficult journey to get pregnant to have ppd and it can be very hard because they feel there is an expectation that you'll be overjoyed and should be eternally grateful, even when you're really struggling. Other mums don't have that same pressure. So anything you can do to be gentler and caring towards yourself the better. The most important thing is if it happens and you don't feel good, speak up and ask for help because there's no shame in it. As you say it can take anyone by surprise.

IME having kids made me happier, I came off anti depressants before TTC and not been on since (though have debated it a few times). other people I know have got more anxious or depressed after kids though, as you say.
The only thing I’d say is if you are TTC you’re more likely to conceive when not stressed? (Though maybe that’s not been an issue for you.)
But if that’s your aim maybe anti-D’s would help that, you’d be happier/more physiologically relaxed (not exactly a guarantee though!)
I also haven’t found it hard to come off them when I’ve managed it well (reduce slowly)- my GP suggested 6 months at least before TTC but I just came off them fairly quick and didn’t wait.

Miscarriages are so hard. I think if something can make you happier now go for it and cross the next bridge when you come to it (ie coming off in pregnancy etc.) But obviously it’s very personal. Hope you feel better soon

@Thepeopleversuswork thank you your post is helpful x

May I also add I had a go I spoke to once and she made me feel like a terrible person taking them while TTC, I feel like it's stuck with me.

I didn't even ask for her opinion on it, I'd had a miscarriage and she ten said I can see from your notes you're taking them and I should have a ling think about whether or not I really need them while TTC as it can be harmful to children and cause heart issues.

Since then I've felt this way, appreciate it's only one doctor of many but it's really stuck with me

Infertility caused my depression.
Antidepressants didn’t help my depression.
They don’t always work, they can cause sexual dysfunction that can impact on your sex life and make it harder to conceive. If you don’t feel happy taking them then you shouldn’t feel guilty for refusing them.
Exercise is as effective, specifically exercise in the open air, ideally in a green space. Try to get outside in the morning and exercise then.

I was on antidepressants the whole time I was pregnant. The only thing was I had to stay in hospital for a few days extra with my son so they could monitor him, but that was it.

I'd say stay on them,

No one can say whether pregnancy/babies will make their mental health better or worse so I don't know why people are questioning you on that.

Anecdotally I've had 2 children, the first I had dreadful mental health and had been on ADs for about 10 years on and off. After having her my mental health was better than it had been in years, I cam off ADds and stayed that way for 6 years living a normal happy life.

Then earlier this year I got pregnant with my son (he is 7 weeks now) and my mental health took the biggest nosedive of my life but with anxiety, I have honestly never felt so ill, I couldn't function etc. And was put on strong ADs, mild sedatives and nearly sectioned. It improved but wasn't great throughout pregnancy. Now my son is here I feel better than I have in 9 months (except for being bloody knackered!)

My point is, if you think ADs will help, which it sounds like they might, there is no medical reason to not take them despite TTC

Woops, pressed post by mistake 😬

As I was saying, I'd stay on them, especially if they work.

@covidisback first of all I am sorry for your losses. I have been through 4 and two years of ttc so I can empathise. I too felt the same about not wanting to go back on antidepressants over this time so as to not affect pregnancy / chances even though I know there are some which are safe I just felt I was trying to cut back on chemicals as much as possible.

I have done a lot of therapy which I have found helpful, is this something that you could consider if you haven't already tried?

I also tried hypnotherapy which I felt helped with my mindset.

I really resonated with Amy from the mindbodybabymethod on instagram and ended up doing a connection call with her. I really felt that I shifted a lot of stick grief and fear and anger that id been holding on to and following this I started to make more space in my life for joy and creativity and I started to feel more like my old self again. I wish I could have afforded to do her full programme.

I probably sound like a crazy person but I have tried everything in the last two years and those are some of the things I genuinely found to help.

I wasn't depressed though, I know I wasn't depressed as I have experienced depression before ---- I was dealing with complex trauma and grief from recurrent loss and the stress of ttc.

I hope that you manage to find some ease in your life soon x

@thehurtingheart thank you although for me it is depression. I've had it since my late teens and have always resisted meds until approx A year ago and the meds were life changing but I also feel I shouldn't take them to give the potential baby the best start in life

@covidisback some of the above will support with depression aswell if you haven't already tried them. However if you know the meds help then others are right you should consider taking them, getting your mental health right is possibly the best thing you can do to support your fertility at this time. There are definitely pregnancy safe ones out there!! I totally understand your apprehension though, completely valid in your position.

she then said I can see from your notes you're taking them and I should have a long think about whether or not I really need them while TTC as it can be harmful to children and cause heart issues.

But you do really need them. You were on them and they worked. And now you've tried without and you're not ok.

Also....they can be harmful, not they will be harmful. Big difference.

You've also talked about no-one would expect someone with only 1 leg to NOT have children. That's totally different. Pregnancy, birth and being new Mum to a small baby aren't going to make only having one leg worse. You're not suddenly going to lose another leg if you're struggling to cope with sleepless nights and a screaming colicy baby. Another example.....diabetes. People cope with that by taking medication. And you've got medication as an option to you too.

OP, please don't rule out medication.

You sound like me pre-kids, and tbh I should have addressed it sooner. PTSD after my first birth made my world explode and couldn't ignore my MH anymore. Once I started getting sorted it was abundantly obvious I had raging undiagnosed ADHD and depression as a secondary. Now on medication for ADHD and low dose prozac ... Makes the world of difference as it's now obvious I have PMDD but only during ovulation, not my actual period. I just thought I was a horrible person who wanted to walk into traffic periodically.

Just had DC2 and can say it's made a huge difference this time to be medicated with an antidepressant (stimulants aren't recommended in pregnancy and BFing etc). Kids didn't make it worse, but made my head harder to cope with.

So, gently, YABU because you have to look after you first.

Thank so much for your replies. I started my meds this evening as a result and am hoping to feel better soon x