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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do I feel like this?

12 replies

Goldenleaves23 · 10/11/2023 14:55

My son is in reception, every week they do ‘star of the week’ and the chosen child is allowed to take home the class teddy bear and a certificate, then bring the bear back the following Monday.

There are only 18 kids in his class and so far he hasn’t got it. One of his close friends got it today and I’m dreading picking him up as last time he was so upset.

I feel really gutted every time for him. I know someone has got to be last, but I keep thinking is he really that bad? What’s actually going on that he isn’t being chosen ? I know others haven’t either. But it’s making me feel sad.

His friend (the one who has got it today) was rude to the class teacher earlier in the week but I think he turned his behaviour around towards the end of the week.

Has anyone had a similar situation? He’ll probably be last, so I’ll have to psych myself up for that. But in my head it feels like a personal attack or that they don’t really like him or something.

Someone talk some sense into me please!

OP posts:

Rach247 · 10/11/2023 14:58

They do the same at my child’s school but it’s names out of a hat. Are you sure it’s based on behaviour?

Original poster

Goldenleaves23 · 10/11/2023 14:59

Yes because something is written about them and why they deserved it.

OP posts:

Rach247 · 10/11/2023 15:00

Same also at my child’s school - it comes with a nice note but it’s still definitely chosen at random.

NoSquirrels · 10/11/2023 15:00

There are 39 weeks in a school year. There are 18 children in the class. Your DC is likely to get the bear at least twice this school year.

It’s not personal! Work on helping your DC understand it’s just not his turn yet.

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/11/2023 15:01

Your son is doing nicely and they think he isnt the one most n need of a boost.

qotsa · 10/11/2023 15:01

From the start of the year there must have only been 9 picked so far so just half way through? I find with these things it's usually the most troublesome or challenging children that get chosen first.... kind of an incentive to be good or try harder. I'd say being one of the last is probably a good sign in that regard.

NoSquirrels · 10/11/2023 15:01

If it’s really and truly a problem that he’s getting upset, talk to the teacher about how to help him understand. I’m sure they’ll be happy to support you and him.

WhamBamThankU · 10/11/2023 15:02

It's very early in the school year for you to be making this an issue

NoSquirrels · 10/11/2023 15:06

You did ask ‘why do I feel like this?’ So you know it’s really your own issue - why do you think you feel like this? Did you feel overlooked at school? Do you feel insecure about something yourself?

tiggergoesbounce · 10/11/2023 15:07

It's so tough seeing your child upset. It might but good for him to learn patience and being happy for your friends achievements (if it is based in behaviour)

Sometimes, the more challenging children receive the awards early in the term as a carrot to encourage good behaviour, and the more quiet, well-behaved are a bit further back.

Have you been told at the welcome to reception talk, how they actually achieve the award?

Our DS school completely missed him out on year 1 for a certain award, i just told him everyone gets it so when its your turn you get it.....he didn't bless him. But i missed my chance to raise it, so i am going to check how he earns it incase im missing something although i think it was just an oversight. So do ensure you know how they are earnt if your DC is eager to earn it

5128gap · 10/11/2023 15:07

Have a word with the teacher. Tell her how much it means to DS and ask her what he needs to do to get it. Don't frame it as a negative 'he's so upset' etc, be positive and enquire as to what she'd be looking to see from him.
No point speculating on the reasons when you could get the answer from the horses mouth.

newrubylane · 10/11/2023 15:08

He's probably far from last though - so far maybe just over half of the kids can have had it. He's not the only one. I get it, but there's not much that you can do. The teacher is probably picking those she feels need the 'boost' of confidence. If he's settled and happy then I'd assume the teacher is happy too. And you want him to have got it on his own merits, not just because you brought it up, surely. I wouldn't put too much emphasis on it and find other ways to celebrate his progress/achievement. (I have twins in reception and this kind of stuff is always intense, especially with the added ingredient of sibling rivalry, so I do get it.)

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