Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Change of babysitting plans

7 replies

DGGR · 10/11/2023 14:07

We had booked our in laws to babysit for us to attend a party.
My youngest is tricky overnight and we're not at the stage she's able to sleepover so we'd arranged for them to come to ours at bedtime.
I've just had a call to see if we can change the plans.
They have their other grandchildren over their house half the week as my brother in law has split from their, mother but doesn't have a house of his own, and his girlfriend lives too far away for their school etc.
One of the cousins is dealing with some anxiety at the moment and has pulled out of a family gathering with the Mums side, so now needs to stay with our in laws. I'm assuming my brother in law has plans and has asked if they can watch them.
The cousin won't come to ours (we all live close).
So they've suggested my father in law take my oldest and the cousin for a sleep over (they get on really well). And my mother in law comes up ours to watch the baby.
Sounds lovely, and they are amazing to be so considerate... But...
This means my father in law would have to do my eldests bedtime which involves more than one medication, and it was mentioned could he go without for the night? (that'll be a no).
But I feel bad separating them all too, for my mother in law to come and watch the baby.
But also 3 of them all together at their house is probably a bit much for them especially and tea and bedtime.
So we're thinking of cancelling our plans.
But then I know my eldest would love a sleepover there, as he doesn't usually get to go because there's often not enough room for him. But it also kinda feels like well if you can't have both, then it's a faff to pack eldest up and ship him off.
My gut is saying he should go because he'll enjoy, but I'm also low key fighting the urge to just not bother and do something just us as a family seeing as we're cancelling our date/party invite.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 10/11/2023 14:14

Do you think your father in law is competent to do the medication? If so, I'd go with their plans and enjoy the night out.

If not, could your mother in law not look after the baby and your oldest at yours or would that be too much for her?

Ellie1015 · 10/11/2023 14:14

It is disappointing that they haven't stuck to the original plan but sounds like nice grandparents just trying to help everyone.

I would still go out. Leave clear instructions for the medication for FIL and you or dh call to check it happens/talk him through it.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 10/11/2023 14:19

I would ask DH to have an honest word with them and ask if they'd prefer that you guys take a raincheck on going out which will allow them to concentrate on their other grandkids that night.

DH should reassure them that there will absolutely be no hard feelings if they have a lot on and that he would love for the dc to have a sleepover with their grandparents soon.

Then be led by what PIL say.

Tandora · 10/11/2023 14:25

I think you are being a bit controlling tbh. Let the grandparents deal with the kids. Whether it’s MIL at yours w baby or all three at theirs they will manage fine! And your kids will enjoy some time with their grandparents/ cousin. Time to loosen the claws a little..

HamsterBanana · 10/11/2023 14:32

She'll never be at that stage to sleepover if you never let her. Think you're being to controlling.

Pompom12 · 10/11/2023 14:38

I voted yanbu, I hope I got it right
... I mean that I don't think you're being unreasonable to cancel the plans. I don't know if it's because I'm sleep deprived but I get equally mentally exhausted at babysitting plans when they get complicated which drains me to the point of not wanting or enjoying the evening. Once I've passed spending a few hours talking or thinking about if the kiddos will be alright I feel the time is already wasted and it puts a and taste in my mouth. I'd be making a totally different plan at the shot of a hat like you seem to be doing...just to escape the looming mental angst when the arrangements get complicated.

DGGR · 10/11/2023 18:55

Thanks all.
@Pompom12 that's exactly it, I couldn't quite explain it.
Youngest is a very big 1 year old, breastfed and won't take a dummy. Even though we've reduced night feeds etc and they will take a bottle. Because it seems all their teeth are coming through together 😢 at the moment the nights are really hard come 2am ish. So we're absolutely exhausted but also dont want to put that on the mother in law as she doesn't sleep well herself.
Think I'm going to get OH to ring her. When I spoke to her earlier she didn't seem keen at the idea anyway, but was just looking for a way to keep everyone happy too.
My OH is a bit annoyed at his bro too, because it would end up being us changing plans rather than him, and he's recently done something similar meaning my father in law couldn't come to the babies 1st birthday. 😢

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread