My father is an alcoholic. We have had various periods of estrangement usually his choice and usually at a time when I could have really done with his support.
My children adored him, faults and all, but I was careful not to expose them to his drinking. He has let me (and them) down so many times and it started to upset DD so I said no more.
I think final nail in the coffin for me was that he didn't bother to check in on me for almost a year whilst I was waiting for pretty urgent heart surgery. How could you sleep at night knowing your (granted adult) child was seriously ill, without even having the inclination to pick up the phone? I cannot fathom it.
So he has got back in touch recently, pushed into it by another family member no doubt. As soon as I answered the phone it was excuse after excuse (the usual bollocks) about why he'd gone awol and didn't bother speaking to me.
He wanted to arrange to come and visit us on a particular day. I was noncommittal as I know he never keeps his word but I said call me the morning of and we'll arrange it, just to see if he would. He didn't.
He called today, out of the blue, and asked if he can come over right now as if nothing had happened. He was sober so my assumption is that he's ran out of money for drink and wants a distraction, essentially using us now he has nothing better to do.
I said no, it's not as easy as that you really hurt us and once again tossed us to one side when we needed your support. Life has been utter hell for us lately. He mumbled some BS about his phone playing up then said "So I'm not coming then no? OK, bye"
No apology, nothing.
6 months ago I would have done almost anything for him to get in touch but now i think he can well and truly sod off.
WIBU to refuse to let him come? Would you have?