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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't know how I feel anymore

7 replies

raymayxx · 10/11/2023 10:04

Hi. Before your read this please no judgment, I'm having a hard enough time mentally right now and I only want some advice. I've seen post similar in the past that get lots of abuse so if you can't be nice please don't comment. So I've been in my relationship for 8 years and things have been bad for a while, when we are in eachothers company it's very hostile and we struggle to get along, he's out of the house a lot gym ect, when he's away he's lovely, but when he's here it's like a switch has flipped, he doesn't like to help me with the kids, house and gets very shitty whenever I ask, it's always about him and his mental health and support for him to the point where my mental well-being is ignored, to him I feel I'm the cleaner, child keeper, someone to give him sex when he wants it. I can't be venerable around this man anymore He treats me like I'm stupid whenever I do. He's not capable of having adult conversation and refuses to, he's not worked in years due to mental health, I work from home, I don't drink, I look after our children, our house, or finances ect he goes on boys holidays and is going away in a few months where as I'm just left home like the maid. I'm not allowed male friends, or to even have conversations with men this is where it gets a bit messy, I've been good friends with someone I worked with in the past for a year or so, we got chatting outside of work when he found out he had cancer and I was at my lowest point with depression. We supported eachother made eachother feel like we had someone, we both had tough times with no one to talk to, that's all it's ever really been of course my partner never knew as he would have fried me for it, he would have ruined my life, but now it feels hard to let that other person go, we have built emotional connections that are pretty pointless.. everything is a mess.

OP posts:
misssunshine4040 · 10/11/2023 10:07

Get rid of the dead weight dragging you down and you will thrive.
You are carrying too much and are drowning. He contributes nothing at all.

Set yourself free

Darby3785 · 10/11/2023 10:14

Hi OP
I think you know how you feel, but it's hard to actually do what you need to.
What scared me into leaving my ex partner, was living my life the way it was between us. You can't waste anymore of your life with this man! He's had 8 years, he makes excuses and you are worth more than that!
The freedom that comes with splitting up with such a partner is life changing! My life totally changed and yours can too!
Wishing you all the best in your decision.

raymayxx · 10/11/2023 10:34

Darby3785 · 10/11/2023 10:14

Hi OP
I think you know how you feel, but it's hard to actually do what you need to.
What scared me into leaving my ex partner, was living my life the way it was between us. You can't waste anymore of your life with this man! He's had 8 years, he makes excuses and you are worth more than that!
The freedom that comes with splitting up with such a partner is life changing! My life totally changed and yours can too!
Wishing you all the best in your decision.

Your right I do know what I want, but the fear of actually doing it makes it hard. I truly feel like he would ruin my life, I guess I feel like I can't take anymore stress.

OP posts:
Stephy1024 · 10/11/2023 10:37

What does your partner bring to your life? Realistically no relationship is exactly 50/50 and things fluctuate over time. But to me your partner is suppose to bring something positive to your life. Your meant to be a team. Not one person using the other for all that they can. He's had 8 years of your life, how much more are you willing to give a man that isn't good enough?

SuperGreens · 10/11/2023 11:15

You are in an abusive relationship, his behaviour is financially and emotionally abusive. Look up coercive control. There are lots of places you can access help, try women's aid, rights of women, National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247. Once you recognise and accept what is happening to you, you will be able to start to extract yourself and your children, and begin to live again free from abuse.

ManateeFair · 10/11/2023 11:17

Regardless of your feelings for your friend, your partner is abusive and you need to leave him. He's treating you appallingly. Please get rid of him.

ManateeFair · 10/11/2023 11:20

I truly feel like he would ruin my life

OP, he is ALREADY ruining your life. If you leave him, he may well continue to be an arsehole, but you will a) no longer be financially supporting him, b) will be able to socialise with whoever you want and c) not be walking on eggshells in your own home. Please leave this man. He's abusive and controlling.

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