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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

splitting up when renting together

6 replies

excuseme678 · 10/11/2023 02:55

Unfortunately I think we'll need to go our separate ways because after several years there's no sign of commitment from him despite several conversations. Also I can no longer cope with the snoring, hence why I'm typing this at 3am. He knows he snores very loudly and I've asked him several times to make a GP appointment but he never does.
Earplugs don't work and I'm not prepared to put up with it any longer, we don't have a spare room and I'm sick of disturbed sleep.
Anyway we rent together and have 3 months left on the tenancy. Neither of us could afford it on our own.
I'm thinking of renting a roomshare, seen some at £70 per week. I did house Sharing when younger and it wasn't great but I don't see what choice I have. I'll have to pay two rents at once but luckily it'll only be for another 3 months.
I will look for something close to my workplace so I'll also save on train fees.
I'm just too scared to take the first step, I don't want to inconvenience him and have to disturb his life. However I have to put myself first sometimes.
My family live too far from my workplace so can't really stay with them. Has anyone else found themselves in this situation and how did you manage.

OP posts:
excuseme678 · 10/11/2023 03:00

I've also been wanting to move out of this city for a while, it's overpriced and I feel that we could have a good quality of life elsewhere for a lower cost. Unfortunately he's not willing to move and that's fine it's his choice too, but something we can't compromise on.

OP posts:
SMTWTFS · 10/11/2023 04:01

Why dont you wait the 3 months so you're not doubling up. You can get nose patches for snoring they worked for my DH.

excuseme678 · 10/11/2023 04:07

It just feels like dragging it out if I stay longer, it will be a hard 3 months and I feel like I won't be able to just move on. I did buy him those patches but he's never bothered using them sadly.

OP posts:
Rumplestrumpet · 10/11/2023 05:00

If it's that bad that you can't live with him 3 more months then yes you'll just have to pay 2 rents. I'm sorry you're so unhappy.

House sharing can be great, can be awful, just take your time to find the right place and people. Good luck. You'll feel AMAZING when you get a good night's sleep in your own bed :)

Barbarella73 · 10/11/2023 05:17

Do you have any savings OP? If yes, is there enough for a rental deposit?

In my experience, when you’re ready to go it’s best to do so as soon as possible. If you can’t afford to rent your own place for now, do a house share for a few months - while it may not be your chosen option for the longer term, and you’ll be paying rent on the double, you will have a room to yourself and be able to sleep for a change.
I bet after 3 months of regular sleep you will have a longer term plan figured out.

I don’t think you need to worry too much about inconveniencing him. Breakups aren’t a such an unusual thing, and if he knows you want commitment and he doesn’t, then you’re not on the same page and he shouldn’t be surprised that you want to separate. This man sleeps beside you every night, knowing his snoring keeps you from your own sleep, and he won’t even see his GP. You know in your heart and in your gut that you’re done OP - you won’t know yourself in a few months xx

Catza · 10/11/2023 09:49

I broke up with my partner while we were living together. I stayed for about 2 more months which allowed him more time to negotiate lower rent from the landlord (we had amazing relationship with the landlord and he wanted us/him to stay). It was a little awkward but not the end of the world.
I know quite a few couples who co-habit without actually being together, some of them have been divorced for a number of years but cannot move out/sell up for whatever reason. I think it all depends on how amicable the split is.
The truth is, you will inconvenience his life just by breaking up with him. But it shouldn't stop you from doing it if you are unhappy (and I presume you are very unhappy if one of your reasons to split is snoring)

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