How to get a quiet Christmas

[Notsuredontknow]

My family lives a 4hr drive away and don’t really travel (health reasons) so to see them over Christmas we have to head up there. We tend to do this every other year, was slightly less over covid obviously. My DH’s family live in our city so any time we have Christmas here at home, it is with them - either they come to us or we to them. I don’t mind this (well, I accept it) but I can’t see how we’ll ever get to have a Christmas Day to ourselves just as a family of 4 (have 2 very young DCs). It’s quite easy to say to my family that we want a quiet one this year and don’t want to travel, they would understand. But how do we say it to my in-laws?! I feel like they’d feel really snubbed because they’re nearby. I’m also not sure my DH would want it, but I think it’d be really nice to just chill at home and not host etc! Does anyone alternate Xmas 3 ways, with each set of GP and then just a quiet one? Have you managed this even when you have family very nearby?

I understand your feelings about wanting a quiet Christmas!

First of all, I guess you and your husband have to perhaps sit down and talk about the Christmas of 2023. You can give him your thoughts on the subject, and he can give his, and then you can plan together what you want to do.

If you are not spending Christmas with your in-laws, it's good to let them know as soon as possible, so they can plan their Christmas too.
You never know, they might like the idea of sometimes having a different kind of Christmas.

Can you chose another day in late December to spend with your in-laws?

Absolutely, happy to do another day in the Christmas week with the in-laws. It would just be nice to have the option of a quiet, lazy Xmas day I guess! Good point about giving them plenty of warning though. I imagine it won’t happen this year but maybe we can plant the seed!

What do you do with your in laws? Go to them or host? I think it's fine to say DCs want Xmas in their own house this year and you want to make memories (hate the phrase but...) as a family but they can pop in Xmas eve or Boxing Day if they'd like and you'd love to host one day between Xmas and new years if kids of an age

Bute the bullet and say you are having Christmas Day on your own at hone but are looking forward to having a family celebration before or after. We have been where you are pulled between family and feeling obliged to satiate everyone else’s idea of how they wanted Christmas. It was stressful, hectic and bot at all relaxing so last year we decided as a family that actually bot of us enjoyed that and we all wanted to be in our own home doing things to our own time frame. The kids wanted to relax in their jammies and open stockings in front of the fire and be able to play with their new games and toys and not be on someone else's timetable for the day. We had the best Christmas ever. Laid back, fun and happy and above all so so chilled out! We have unanimously decided that that is now our plan this year too and will see family over New Year. Wish we had done it sooner but realise now we were sacrificing our family”s needs and wants to please other people. It really was the best day ever! Ps. We had never had a Christmas with less than 18 people before!!!

Just tell them.

It's that simple.

Harder if your DH really wants to see his family though.

OP, plant the seed!

Sometimes people surprise you. My mother has a secret dream (well, she told me about it, so not super secret) about going to a hotel with a spa on Christmas, just she and my father. It might not happen this year, but maybe next year? She loves to spend Christmas with family, but she gets tired.
(Just an example from my own family).