To ask what to do about friend situation

[sandrapinchedmysandwich]

I used to work in an office. All mixed ages and most of us got on well. One lady, Nicola (not real name) had a slightly different role to most of us with different priorities and she could be rude and abrasive with people at times when discussing working practices which put noses out of joint a few times.

I got to know this lady outside of work and realised that work Nicola and home Nicola are very different people and actually she is a genuinely lovely lady. We have become good friends.

There is a reunion of old staff happening early December organised by a lady who went to work elsewhere 2 years ago. There is a WhatsApp group and many but not all ex staff have been invited. I dont feel I can invite Nicola as there are a few people going whom she was rude to and wont want her there. I know photos will be on social media and that Nicola will see them and will feel hurt.

I really don't want to hurt Nicola. But equally so I am good friends with many of the others and would love to catch up with them.

How should I deal with this? I was thinking of mentioning it in conversation quite matter of factly before I go so she isn't taken aback by social media photos. Or is there a better way?

Any advice would be most welcome... tia

Please just be upfront with her as others have suggested. The whole lying and hiding thing is what could damage your friendship not someone else not inviting her.

Just be honest with her.
Its a situation out of your control who is invited but it is within your control wether you decide to keep this from your friend.

Just ask if she's going, when she replies no just say oh sarah is organising it.

Honestly, this thread reminds me that so many Mners really struggle with friendships.

Not the OP, whose dilemma I can see (though I agree with another poster that I would certainly have asked at some point why she had behaved so unpleasantly at work), but the stream of posts recommending all kinds of ridiculous lies and pretences about lost phone numbers and that the OP should claim to ‘feel awful’ attending a gathering of old colleagues to which Nicola hadn’t been invited because of her unpleasant behaviour.

Nicola is reaping the consequences of having made herself disliked because of being unpleasant in the former workplace. Unless she has zero social awareness, she will know that her behaviour made her unpopular, and presumably won’t be surprised or upset she’s not invited, or she would have been less abrasive.

The OP should mention that she’s going, in the same way she might mention she’s got tickets for a gig or has started doing Pilates, but certainly not invent fake excuses for the organiser or in any way suggest that she’s being ‘disloyal’ by attending something Nicola isn’t invited to.

Well Nicola can't be all that bad as she is still employed and the others are "ex staff". The employer presumably knows who was better at their job and perhaps therefore Nicola was justified in being short with people.