To want to leave my DH?

[Unic0rn]

I really need some advice please. I think I’m right in my thinking but I’m looking for reassurance I’ve not got this wrong.

My husband told me today he lost his job last week. This is the 7th job he has lost in 9 years. They have all been under 2 year employment so they don’t need to justify the dismissal. Vague explanations given have been about business financial situation changing or no requirement suddenly for his role. 1 or 2 did specifically mention deadlines being missed etc.

The last few positions have been WFH and from the odd time I have seen him (I work part time currently in a job I’ve had for 10 years) in my opinion, he doesn’t appear to be working that hard.

Every time he blames it on the company and not ever once has he suggested it might even have the smallest thing to do with him. If it was me, I would have considered that I was the common dominator and might have tried to unpick any problems and work on them. I have tried to have a calm conversation about it with him but he just says there’s nothing to talk about he’ll just get another job.

Am I being unreasonable to be pretty tired of it, have little patience or sympathy left? He seems to want me to be really supportive and tell him it’s ok but in all honesty that went after the 4th/5th time he lost his job. We have a young daughter to support and a large mortgage off the back of rising rates.

Thank you in advance for any thoughts.

What industry is he in? Most employers give feedback way before the sacking phase so surely he was on some sort of improvement pathway?

Do you have kids?

He is almost certainly fully aware of why they terminated his employment. There aren't many out there who just sack someone with no explanation and no reasonable employee would just respond to that with "fine I'm off."
It's very weird that he's so flippant about it all. Hasn't he needed these employers to give him a single reference in 9 years?

Definitely sounds fishy. I would look into how you will manage to support yourself being a single parent and what will happen to your property so that you have full information before making this decision. Of course, I would not advocate remaining in a relationship with someone purely for financial reasons but we have to face the fact that there may be some things you need to put in place before considering drastic measures.

He needs to man up and start to be an adult. Tbh I've not even had that number of jobs in my life. I'm now 60. He has committments he needs to face them or I would leave.

So not only has he had 7 jobs in the last 9 years but he has been sacked from all of them? How mortifying.

I'd be considering leaving too at this rate.

How is he as a husband and father? Does he half arse that too?

It sounds as if he knows exactly why he's been sacked. I'm sure you're usually given written warnings etc? To have had 7 jobs in 9 years is ridiculous! And he only told you today that he lost his job last week? He's been keeping things from you it seems 😕

Marketing. I know it’s not a ‘must have’ in any business more of a ‘nice to have’. I guess if money is tight then that role might be the first to go. He usually goes for small businesses with him being the only person in the department.

He told me that in only one of the jobs was he warned about performance issues needing to be improved before the dismissal.

We have 1 young daughter.

Yes and the time before last he didn’t tell me until after a month when he had secured a new job!

This would bother me so much! It would make me question what else he isn't telling you!

As a father, good. As a husband? Hmmm. It has been tricky at times with his anger. Small things I do annoy him let’s just say that.

Having to leave a couple of jobs due to the economy yea I can understand but 7 jobs in 9 years
OP something does not sound right, is he depressed? Or is his work ethic so poor they are just getting rid

I would be considering leaving too thats a considerable amount of jobs lost in such a short space of time

Right, that would be it for me. He would possibly get one last chance after that terrible lie, so the recent job loss and keeping it from you for a week would mean Game Over.
He sounds like a nightmare. But I would be more worried by the secrecy/lying than the inability to hold down a job. If you still love him and want to give him a chance, make this your red line and have a clear conversation about transparency. However, I think it’s too late for that. History keeps repeating itself, this is not going to get any better.

Do you find that you ammend your (already reasonable) behaviour to minimise how annoyed he gets?

Anger? Ok, cancel my previous post! Get rid. Right now. Not only is he a liar and a flake, he’s using anger to try to control your behaviour and reactions to his general hopelessness. LTB

Oh this doesn't sound good at all. I actually lived with a housemate who did that. He would leave every morning to "go to work" so I had no idea. By the time I found out the truth we were in rent and bill arrears (for his half but both of our names on the bills) and he stole money from my purse. Losing multiple jobs is one thing but lying about it is something I could not get over ever.

I work in a law firm where it was common for them to sack people just before two years if they weren't working out. A few had mild warnings but generally people got nervous in their 23rd month because it was a bolt out of the blue.

I have to say that in most circumstances, the decision was right for the firm but it did feel mean that nobody got a warning. They all assumed their lack of effort went unnoticed. In one case it was a great solicitor who was dumped because they managed to snag an even better partner from another firm and couldn't justify both.