To regret getting a divorce

[Anawana]

My ex husband (38M) and I (30F) were together for 10 years.

We started off long distance so I couldn't gauge the scope of the problem initially, but sex and intimacy was always problematic.

We moved in after we got married and lived together for 6 years. During this time we had sex twice a year. Intimacy outside of the bedroom was not there either as he was very touch averse.

I eventually had to give him an ultimatum. He finally got a testosterone test done and found out his levels were normal. I then found him a therapist and us a couple's therapist. They suspected neurodivergency for him. He eventually told me that we might be better off going our separate ways. He also told me that he changed his mind about wanting kids. I always wanted them so we had a divorce earlier in the year.

Life hasn't been a walk in the park since. I've been through a lot and I'm still quite depressed. I attempted to date but soon realised that there are many dodgy men about. My ex has decided to go no contact with me and moved on. I hear he's quite happy now.

I started to regret my decision of getting a divorce now. I feel like we had everything else going for us: same values, sense of humour, life outlook, goals etc. Did I mess up? I was feeling quite low after years of intimacy rejection, but not sure if I'm better off now...

I don't really feel desperate. I'm just very aware that I have a limited time left on my fertility. Especially considering early menapause running in my family and PCOS... I do feel like I wasted a lot of years chasing something that wasn't meant for me and just conscious that if I have kids (I want a couple) I need to find that someone and settle down at some point, hopefully soon.

The answer to a limited fertility window is not to be with someone who doesn’t want kids, is it. So you did the right thing.

I think online dating in your 30s isn't great...there are probably a lot more bad ones there than good ones. It can mean a lot of bad dates which is depressing and a waste of time (if you don't enjoy them). I suggest trying to meet new friends through activities that you enjoy and widening your social circle that way - more chance of having a nice time while doing it

@Anawana You're only 30. Plenty of time to meet someone else

And if you don't have children, so be it. You could still (like my cousin) be an amazing step mother / grandmother in future

You do not want to be with a man who is attracted to 20 year olds at 28, that's enough of a reason to stay away

You now have a chance to have kids. Before there was no chance. I appreciate worrying about fertility. But your situation wouldn’t be better off if you were still with him. He didn’t want kids.

So your options were to stay with him and definitely not have kids. Or at least have a chance of meeting someone and having them.

You were in an unhappy marriage that didn’t meet your needs, made you feel rejected and would have given you no chance of kids. The fact that you met some knobheads since doesnt mean you would be any happier of you stayed. Staying in an u happy relationship that will stop you having kids, when you want you want them, isn’t better than being single. Wanting him back because, although you were unhappy, he isn’t as awful as some men you met since isn’t the basis for a relationship.

He sounds like he's living a life not in reality.

Many people do. Pretend to be some one else to the outside world.

Ask yourself, what attracted you to him?