To consider this post-natal depression…

[Calmondeck]

DH has made the following comments about / (in)action toward DC2:

• “He’s lucky to be here, had I known about (DC1 illness) I would not have conceived another child”
• “At least he’s lost that cross-eyed look. Doesn’t look quite so weird”.
• (about minor cradle cap) “can you do something about that or buy a hat?”
• when I asked for 1 hour off to attend a medical appointment, where the physician was coming to our house, he asked a friend to mind baby instead of him
• spends maximum 10-20 mins with baby each day
• refuses to wake at night for baby, has asked to hire night nurse or I do it myself
• I care for baby 100%, requests for short moments off (eg to have a shower) are met with the following “you need to schedule in time each week into my calendar, not spring these requests on me in the moment” OR “you need to hire someone to help you in the day, not rely on me”.
• when I dare suggested he was treating DC2 very differently to DC1 he said “there will be time in the future to get to know him, I’m doing other things right now for this family (implying grocery shopping, life admin, doing more care for DC1 etc)”

Doesn’t sound like post natal depression just lack of interest.

That does sound quite extreme and could possibly be PND or other mental health issue. Must be tough on you 🌹

Put a shower in the calendar? Eh? Is he the PM or something? Sounds less like he’s got PND and more like he’s self-important and his nose is out of joint at having to step up and do the drudgery for a bit. Poor little DS, cross-eyed my arse. If you have the means to hire someone, why not do it, don’t buckle yourself alone while he’s acting like this.

Sounds like a severe case of prick-itis to me

Not depression but he's a very unpleasant person with narcissistic traits.

What is he doing or supposed to be doing when you are requesting a shower?

I don't think it sounds like PND, but does sound like he is struggling to bond. Was the baby planned?

I care for baby 100%, requests for short moments off (eg to have a shower) are met with the following “you need to schedule in time each week into my calendar, not spring these requests on me in the moment” OR “you need to hire someone to help you in the day, not rely on me”.

What does he mean? Is he talking during the week, is he working from home? In which, I agree he can't just watch the baby.

Or does he mean at the weekend he wants scheduled time in his calendar for you to shower??

From your OP in general he sounds very unreasonable. But you clearly have a reason for thinking this is an illness rather than him being a dick. Is it a change in behaviour? A difference to how he was with DC1? Is this very out of character?