To be so so nervous about being physical for the first time?

[twigletsforthewin]

This is so utterly mad but I'm super stressed!

I'm a single adult woman. I've been sexually active for over 25 years and I'm very very liberal. I've done the ONS thing plenty of times, I've got FWBs, had many sexual partners, etc. I'm completely comfortable with sex. Overtly so, if anything.

However, I've met a man who i've built an emotional connection with over six months, but we haven't yet slept together.

This was somewhat a circumstantial thing (we both have kids and very little privacy), but also because we had personal reasons for taking it very slow.

It's definitely the first time I've had really strong feelings for someone and been thinking about a future with them, long before I have slept with them.

I think we're at the point now where it is going to happen as we're finally getting away for the weekend and I am TERRIFIED.

I am super excited the chemistry we have is through the roof but it feels like it could make or break us (which I think is somewhat why we've been putting it off a bit!).

The thought of seeing one another without our clothes on, and doing more than just a bit of kissing is almost abstract (although great!).

Has anyone experienced this and do you have any advice?

I can't believe I feel like this in my mid 40s! You'd think I'd never done it before!

I think this normal when you really like someone, the risks seem bigger.

I'd go in with a mindset of "we're both nervous and this will probably be rubbish" and then go again an hour later when the pressure isn't so big 😁

it can take a while to get used to each other though. The first times might not be as good as it will get later on. If you like each other so much you perhaps chat about your nerves.

Be honest about your pre-sex nerves, take things really slowly, drink (a small amount of) alcohol). Are you body confident? If not would a slinky negligee or dressing gown help?

I’m very body confident but suddenly something weird is happening with my mirror and all I can see are the lumps and bumps when I think about him seeing my undressed!

Sounds like you usually jump into bed straight away before you can get to know someone so your not vulnerable in those situations. If it doesn't work out then ' they didn't even know you anyway' but this time you've gone slow and connected on a deeper level so if you have sex and it doesn't work out your more vulnerable this time as in this situation. He does does 'know you'

Don't go with the intention of having sax, go with the intention of getting to know each other. Even if you just sleep and the same bed half dressed or just have oral sex , your putting too much pressure on yourself. Just relax and see what happens. Hope you enjoy yourself

Charming 😳

So you have taken 6 months to build a deep emotional connection with a man who you want a future with, but you don't even know his willy size? 😮

There's nothing wrong with what Strawberry said, you're the one drawing the conclusion that what she said reflects badly on op.

Op it's sweet you're nervous. He will be too so just don't put too much expectations on how magical and earth shattering it will be. Just take it slow, be honest, move at your pace

I had something similar happen many years ago. Met a woman abroad, got to know each other, kissed but no sex. Both went home and kept talking for a few months, ended up booking a couple of weeks away together.

We got there, fell into bed, no problem getting our kit off, however I just could not perform. Too much anticipation, too much pressure. I had visions of an entirely sexless fortnight, and this woman never wanting to see me again. Luckily, my partner was very understanding, we spent a couple of days focussing on her and on day 3 after a couple of drinks, things magically started working again.

In your situation, I'd firstly tell him exactly what you've told us, now, before you see him. He's probably feeling similar to you, and having it out in the open will normalise it for both of you, let you joke about it. It stops being a you problem and becomes something you deal with together.

And secondly, once you do end up in the same room, don't pressure yourself to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Take it slow to start with, do what you're both comfortable with.

Accept now that you might not have sex this weekend, and ironically it's probably more likely to happen than if you try and push yourself into something you're not ready for.

6 months is a lot of build to “the big night” so you are no doubt overthinking a lot. It’s natural to want the sex to be good when you really like someone.

Anyone that gets you in bed is not going to be seeing any lumps and bumps you’ve convinced yourself you’ve got. They are going to happy they have got a woman in bed.

Wear some underwear that makes you feel good
Have a little drink if that will calm your nerves ( just 1 or 2 though don’t go crazy)
Remember contraception